The Azzrentice - Task 1 - Team Fifa's Underworld of Corruption, Kickabouts, Ethics & Diving

Good morning.

You stand here before me, the brightest and best fake online football managers the country has to offer. One of you will be walking away with prestige. Bragging rights. A title to echo throughout the fake online football management ages. I am looking for someone with a rich knowledge of the history of our beautiful game. Someone who understands how to play the game, Someone who has the brains to get behind the football and into the business. And most importantly, someone who knows what fans of the game want, and how to grow and expand the game to even greater heights.

For the first task I am going to split you into two teams. Team 1 will have three managers - Viva, Marky and Nando. Team 2 will have the other three managers - GSC, Trebs and Miky.

The first task has three components. First, I want you to name your teams and give me sound reasoning as to why you have chosen that name. I don't want to hear silly names like 'Team Januzaj the diver' or 'Team Scholes the greatest player ever'. I want a name that you feel represents everything that is great about our game.

Second, you must elect a team manager. Choose wisely, choose effectively.

Finally, the meat of the task. Having dispensed with the veg, you will now sit down and craft me a vision for the future. The future of the global game. I want your teams to give me a strategy for FIFA. A blueprint to the improvement of our game. In 2015 there will be a vote on who will be the next leader of FIFA. I want your team to tell me what its plan would be. It can cover any aspect of football - business, grass roots development, profit sharing, anything - but you must limit ourselves to five points only. I also want an explanation of how you would practically go about implementing your five points, and how you would pay for them.

Submissions must be handed in by midnight next Monday 23 March. I'll see you in my Boardroom on Tuesday and I can tell you now that on the losing team, one of you will be fired.

Hi Marky and Nando who wants to be leader.

What shall we be named? Azzy wants something that represents everything great about the game. I'd have picked Sir Alex but I know that won't go down well.

Obviously racism needs to be tackled and how Fifa go about dealing with it.

I'm happy for you to be the leader this week Viva.

Tackling racism is a good start, but don't mention Big Ron

Team name could be something anti Fifa/anti corruption themed?

Five points could be five improvements to the game and something we would do to sort them out, but also keep some humour in there.

For example;

1. Racism
2. Corruption in football
3. Diving
4. Abuse towards officials
5. Boring co-commentators and pundits

GSC I'm counting on you to win it and bring the title to HellAss.

nadeem2099 wrote:GSC I'm counting on you to win it and bring the title to HellAss.

You should probably post on his team's page then

Bookmarking.

I am here

The partially sighted one is here

I love the visual of Nando handing out parking tickets wearing sunglasses. People would think he's cool, but inside, he's singing Superstitious

Seems about right

Can we have a nonsensical name like Fifa's Anti-Corruption of Fifa department or does it have to be sensible like Fifa's Department of Justice.

Your decision entirely. Although the team name is for the entire competition, not just this task. So calling yourself Team Fifa's Department of Justice may not be particularly suitable for future tasks.

Im stuck with Viva for the whole campaign? This is cowpat

Marky wrote:

nadeem2099 wrote:GSC I'm counting on you to win it and bring the title to HellAss.

You should probably post on his team's page then

That's it! Now you've gone and done it boy. I'm gonna fudge you up and beat some respekt into you. HellAss vs Montypliers in this week's match is where you get your arse handed to you marky old chap.

Fernando wrote:Seems about right

Can we have a nonsensical  name like Fifa's Anti-Corruption of Fifa department or does it have to be sensible like Fifa's Department of Justice.

A clever acronym that is serious but spells out a silly word.

Like Fifa, but ruder.

Fifa's
Underworld of
Corruption,
Kickabouts,
Education and
Diving

We are F.U.C.K.E.D

Sounds good If we have to be sensible then can go with something awful that Fifa would come up with like Fifa's aspirations of a future generation etc

Team F.U.C.K.E.D, we only need a 2/3rds majority.

If we changed the E from Education to Ethics we may be taken seriously.....

Ethics is a great shout, I agree to that.

Fifa's Underworld of Corruption, Kickabouts, Ethics and Diving - F.U.C.K.E.D

Will wait and see if Viva agrees.

I also vote Viva as our team manager this week.

Azzy's words were

The first task has three components. First, I want you to name your teams and give me sound reasoning as to why you have chosen that name. I don't want to hear silly names like 'Team Januzaj the diver' or 'Team Scholes the greatest player ever'. I want a name that you feel represents everything that is great about our game.

I'm afraid we can't go with that name, as team leader I feel I need to be more stricter than I was in previous games at least that way if I do get fired it'll be because of my decisions and I can't blame anyone. So I'm sorry but we'll need to pick another name.

Fernando wrote:Im stuck with Viva for the whole campaign? This is cowpat

You should be happy you're in my side. With Marky as assitant we'll have super duper fun, no offence but Miky & GSC are boring.

Then by all means select another name, or if you prefer, I'll be held directly accountable for the name.

Koba wrote:

Fernando wrote:Im stuck with Viva for the whole campaign? This is cowpat

You should be happy you're in my side. With Marky as assitant we'll have super duper fun, no offence but Miky & GSC are boring.

Don't worry Nando, when he's sacked next week it'll just be us two

Koba wrote:

Fernando wrote:Im stuck with Viva for the whole campaign? This is cowpat

You should be happy you're in my side. With Marky as assitant we'll have super duper fun, no offence but Miky & GSC are boring.

Come and say that on our page, big man!

Holymiky wrote:

Koba wrote:

Fernando wrote:Im stuck with Viva for the whole campaign? This is cowpat

You should be happy you're in my side. With Marky as assitant we'll have super duper fun, no offence but Miky & GSC are boring.

Come and say that on our page, big man!

AZZY, HE'S SPYING!

Unfortunately that names now taken as suggested by Miky

Could make it more official.

Fifa's Underworld of Corruption, Kickabouts, Ethics and Diving - Official Football Federation.

F.U.C.K.E.D - O.F.F

GSC wrote:Unfortunately that names now taken as suggested by Miky

You not going with Hustle Loyalty and Respect then?

My time is now

Marky you have been fined one Azzrentice credit for crying like a baby.

You're only doing that cos his White

#Racism
#KickItOut
#AzzyForKKKLeader

Azzy wrote:Marky you have been fined one Azzrentice credit for crying like a baby.

Even when it was quite clearly ironic?

What did you expect with Azzy. He's like Viva when it comes to criticizing United & other sides it's 1 rule for some & 1 rule for others

Mine was joking but still counted :P

Mine was a joke too, you can tell from the Demolition Man reference. Marky, have you started working in La Senza recently?

Sigh.

No, why?

Because you appear to have your knickers in a twist

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Marky wrote:Could make it more official.

Fifa's Underworld of Corruption, Kickabouts, Ethics and Diving - Official Football Federation.

F.U.C.K.E.D - O.F.F

So this is the name unless Viva wants to overrule.

We've voted Viva as team leader.

All we need now is Viva to lead us to getting the main task done.

Yeah we're all set So then im out til 3pm so what would you change about Fifa?

I'll have to say no to that name. Azzy wants a name that that represents everything that is great with the game and that clearly isn't. If I agree to it and we lose the task I'll be the one getting fired.

Then find an alternative

Team Pele.

Best player of all time, over a 1000 goals won the most WC. PEle represents Football in a good way.

He also represents Viagra.

If nothing it'll prove we're stiff competition for the others

We'll go with Team Pele as our name.

Point 1 would be racism in Football, we'll tackle that by issuing huge fines and making them play in empty stadiums or banning them from competitions. We don't need to pay for this.

Huge fines would also go towards the costs for other elements, but also points deductions should be enforced in some cases.

Fines should be relative to the club's income, if it's PSG then we're talking millions, if its Kidderminster Harriers then we're talking tens of thousands.

Agreed.

Need 4 more points.

Corruption, Diving, Abuse towards officials, boring co-commentators.

1) Racism - Longer bans, pts deductions (maybe have a set 1st/2nd & 3rd offense punishment)
2) Technology - Maybe have a video ref trial, sin bin,Put a mic on the ref etc.
3) Maybe could put Fifa on the stock exchange - They make several billion & would mean they have to be honest about finances so could tell if been bribed etc.
4) Could you change the World Cup qualifying into a straight knockout. Would save a lot of hassle and means less friendlies
5) Maybe make the rules alot more simple again cos now they've gone too far really/ scrap away goals/the weird offside rule.