The Last Film watched (CONTAINS STAR WARS SPOILERS!!)

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I watch two films over the last few days

Seventh Son: Absolute tosh, it felt like a bad D&D film from SyFy

The Wedding Ringer: It was a fun movie, predictable but fun, "Who the hell are these guys, it's like the Goonies grew up and became r@pists"

Tried watching IP Man but found them a bit slow going. I do like "Johnny-Five" and "Fearless" with Jet Li and the aforementioned "Crouching Tiger" and "House of Flying Daggers" are cinematic works of art.

For mad as a box of frogs films with cracking fight scenes and mental stunts there's always Jackie Chan's "Rumble in the Bronx" During the Bradford Film Festival many years ago I was lucky enough to get to the premiere screening. One of the guys introducing the film had tried to get another martial arts film, missed out and his mate at the film studio gave him to opportunity to screen "Rumble..." instead. The acting is f*cking dire but the set pieces are awesome. As with all Jackie Chan films, check out the closing credits for some behind the scenes stuff/bloopers etc

Not much gore but I'd highly recommend Kung Fu Hustle.

Ain't much gore in a karate chop though. That's why they had to introduce them damned flying 'stars'. Ainst much gore in them neither, to be honest. You get one in the neck, you're nicked. That's really all. You're dead - yeah...but all you is is nicked, mate.

Barton Fink is very good.

1st IP man is great, the second is poo the third has Mike Tyson... (actually pretty good)

Galted wrote:Barton Fink is very good.

Big Lebowski is better

rick_dagless wrote:1st IP man is great, the second is poo the third has Mike Tyson... (actually pretty good)

I liked the first one and agree that the second one is dreadful, so much so that it put me off watching the third one.

The old Jackie Chan films Police Story and Police Story 2 are brilliant. Not much like the Raid but the fight scenes are incredible (as well as being very funny).

I have a feeling Jesus had the swagger of a guy that could beat the crap out of Jackie Chan.

They should make a movie to test my hypothesis.

superflyweight wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:1st IP man is great, the second is poo the third has Mike Tyson... (actually pretty good)

I liked the first one and agree that the second one is dreadful, so much so that it put me off watching the third one.  

The old Jackie Chan films Police Story and Police Story 2 are brilliant.  Not much like the Raid but the fight scenes are incredible (as well as being very funny).  

You should go watch the third mate, it is no IP man 1 but is a decent way of spending some time.

superflyweight wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:1st IP man is great, the second is poo the third has Mike Tyson... (actually pretty good)

I liked the first one and agree that the second one is dreadful, so much so that it put me off watching the third one.  

The old Jackie Chan films Police Story and Police Story 2 are brilliant.  Not much like the Raid but the fight scenes are incredible (as well as being very funny).  

They are f*cking funny. Especially when he kicks the sh*t out of the lawyer. Really is frenetic the whole fight and its the nastiest I've ever seen Chan.

Would have thought the opening scenes of SE7EN would have appealed to you Shah. That bit where the fat guy has been fed to death must be your equivalent of pornography. Either that or the restaurant scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life

DAVE667 wrote:Would have thought the opening scenes of SE7EN would have appealed to you Shah. That bit where the fat guy has been fed to death must be your equivalent of pornography. Either that or the restaurant scene in Monty Python's Meaning of Life

Look lad, just because you got in the lift too late doesn't mean you have to take it out on me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0CMP0qhtsg

Hell or High Water

Heist movie with the feel of a western. Chris Pine and Ben Foster excellent as brothers on a bank robbing spree, Jeff Bridges superb as a Texan Ranger trying to track them down. Highly recommended, looks great, good script, well acted and in parts very funny, well worth the price of the cinema ticket.

If you like martial arts movies its worth trying to see 'Chocolate'.

The Beast wrote:Hell or High Water

Heist movie with the feel of a western.  Chris Pine and Ben Foster excellent as brothers on a bank robbing spree, Jeff Bridges superb as a Texan Ranger trying to track them down.  Highly recommended, looks great, good script, well acted and in parts very funny, well worth the price of the cinema ticket.

My favourite movie this year I think. Really enjoyed it

The Shallows. It’s basically a story about a woman who is out surfing and then gets stuck on a rock with a shark circling her and her attempts to get off said rock without getting eaten by said shark. The bits where she is on the rock are pretty tense but it gets let down throughout and particularly towards the end by some truly awful CGI. The main character is also a bit on the annoying side so I did find myself rooting for the shark at various points of the film.

On the plus side Blake Lively is fit and spends the bulk of the film in a bikini, it is indeed set in shallow water so scores highly on the HH scale of titling accuracy, it is short enough to not outstay its welcome and it is better than Spectre.

It’s probably my third favourite film featuring sharks, behind Jaws and West Side Story.

Rowley wrote:The Shallows. It’s basically a story about a woman who is out surfing and then gets stuck on a rock with a shark circling her and her attempts to get off said rock without getting eaten by said shark. The bits where she is on the rock are pretty tense but it gets let down throughout and particularly towards the end by some truly awful CGI.  The main character is also a bit on the annoying side so I did find myself rooting for the shark at various points of the film.

On the plus side Blake Lively is fit and spends the bulk of the film in a bikini, it is indeed set in shallow water so scores highly on the HH scale of titling accuracy, it is short enough to not outstay its welcome and it is better than Spectre.

It’s probably my third favourite film featuring sharks, behind Jaws and West Side Story.

Excellent review, Jeff, it's as though I've watched the film myself. I was particularly delighted by your wonderful word-play regarding sharks, it's this high standard of posting which is sorely missing from the CC.

Thanks Galted. I was particularly proud of my shark quip. Even more so knowing it will have completely passed many people by.

I have downloaded this film with a view to watching it at some point before I die (or deleting it from my hard drive never to be watched) however, it is in a queue behind "31", the new Rob Zombie horror film which has, annoyingly, been given positive reviews and absolute slatings so I fear I'll have to watch it just to sneer at faceless people whose opinion differed from mine.

Watched "Jack Ryan, Shadow Recruit" - Chris Pine plays the hero of our film as we see how he started his career in the CIA before he morphed into Alec Baldwin (briefly) settled into the shape of Harrison Ford and then tragically leaping into the body of Ben Affleck.

It's a fairly run-of-the-mill thriller but well executed. Think "Mission Impossible" without the incomprehensible and quite frankly implausible plot, the unnecessarily OTT stunts, Simon Pegg 'playing it for laughs' or Tom Cruise trying to convince us he's anything but a closet homosexual desperately trying to stop those closet doors blowing off by being excessively macho.

Kenneth Branananananagh directs and plays the villain having obviously watched "Celebrity Juice" and, in particular the game called "Don't Show Keith Yer teeth" he's very tight lipped throughout.

Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Anyway, as for HH and his love of titling accuracy, it scores highly. There IS someone called Jack Ryan who IS recruited and there ARE lots of shadowy goings-on.

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Apologies Galted, I was so busy trying to shoehorn in an insult about you that I took my eye off the ball. I'd say it won't happen again but we all know that it will

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Apologies Galted, I was so busy trying to shoehorn in an insult about you that I took my eye off the ball. I'd say it won't happen again but we all know that it will

That's ok. Getting back to Knightly, I used to be a 14-year-old boy and I don't recall having a figure like that, unless you mean that behind the airbrushing she has a permanent erection and a disfiguring pusbubble layer.

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Apologies Galted, I was so busy trying to shoehorn in an insult about you that I took my eye off the ball. I'd say it won't happen again but we all know that it will

That's ok. Getting back to Knightly, I used to be a 14-year-old boy and I don't recall having a figure like that, unless you mean that behind the airbrushing she has a permanent erection and a disfiguring pusbubble layer.

You surprise me Galted, I imagined to came out of the womb wearing Hi-Tecs and Wolfskin clothing holding a copy of "What's On at the poncey Theatre down the road" whilst looking out for hungry tramps.

I've seen "The Jacket" with Knightly and, whilst technically she was topless in one scene, I've not actually seen her breasts. I have however, seen her very flat and disappointing chest. Nope, I shall watch Rowley's shark film that has a hot woman wearing a bikini in it.

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Apologies Galted, I was so busy trying to shoehorn in an insult about you that I took my eye off the ball. I'd say it won't happen again but we all know that it will

That's ok. Getting back to Knightly, I used to be a 14-year-old boy and I don't recall having a figure like that, unless you mean that behind the airbrushing she has a permanent erection and a disfiguring pusbubble layer.

You surprise me Galted, I imagined to came out of the womb wearing Hi-Tecs and Wolfskin clothing holding a copy of "What's On at the poncey Theatre down the road" whilst looking out for hungry tramps.

I've seen "The Jacket" with Knightly and, whilst technically she was topless in one scene, I've not actually seen her breasts. I have however, seen her very flat and disappointing chest. Nope, I shall watch Rowley's shark film that has a hot woman wearing a bikini in it.

My mother operated a No Hi-Tecs In The Womb policy which I found f*cking unreasonable.

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

Galted wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:


Keira Knightly plays the love interest (although why anyone would fancy someone with the figure of a 14 year old boy I have know idea (maybe Galted can shed some light on that subject)

Embarrassing.

Apologies Galted, I was so busy trying to shoehorn in an insult about you that I took my eye off the ball. I'd say it won't happen again but we all know that it will

That's ok. Getting back to Knightly, I used to be a 14-year-old boy and I don't recall having a figure like that, unless you mean that behind the airbrushing she has a permanent erection and a disfiguring pusbubble layer.

You surprise me Galted, I imagined to came out of the womb wearing Hi-Tecs and Wolfskin clothing holding a copy of "What's On at the poncey Theatre down the road" whilst looking out for hungry tramps.

I've seen "The Jacket" with Knightly and, whilst technically she was topless in one scene, I've not actually seen her breasts. I have however, seen her very flat and disappointing chest. Nope, I shall watch Rowley's shark film that has a hot woman wearing a bikini in it.

My mother operated a No Hi-Tecs In The Womb policy which I found f*cking unreasonable.

She sounds like a mad b***h!

I finally got round to watching Frost & Pegg's The World's End, which I found to be a massive improvement over the hugely disappointing and unfunny Paul...even if it is basically a re-make of Shaun of the Dead...with extra beer (and aliens instead of zombies).

Saw 47 Ronin a month or so ago and found it was surprisingly good, despite having Keanu Reeves in (think he definitely plateaued with the Matrix trilogy...if not the Bill & Ted films). Great story, cast and dialogue. Wasn't sure I'd like it but found myself riveted. Heck of an ending too.

Going a bit further back I also watched Elysium, which I thought was okay. Fairly standard sci-fi fare...not great, not awful...just watchable.

dyrewolfe wrote:I finally got round to watching Frost & Pegg's The World's End, which I found to be a massive improvement over the hugely disappointing and unfunny Paul...even if it is basically a re-make of Shaun of the Dead...with extra beer (and aliens instead of zombies).

I hated it. Thought Pegg's character was so f*cking annoying but it turns out, given his subsequent success in Mission Impossible and Star Trek, that he wasn't acting and he is just a big headed c*nt! The scene that annoyed me more than anything was the bit where they asked him to prove who he was and he pulled up his shirt to reveal a tattoo on his chest. Utter self serving narcissistic twaddle purely so Pegg could show off his new Hollywood physique. You can tell the c*nt has been hanging around with Tom Cruise. He's another one only acting in films where he can get his shirt off for no reason whatsoever.

"I think my character would take his shirt off here"
"No he wouldn't"
"I really think he would"
"Tom, he's a doctor treating dying children, he's just about to tell the parents that little Jimmy's life support needs to be switched off. He wouldn't have to take his shirt off"
"We'll have to agree to disagree"
"No, we'll agree to keep the scene as it was written"
"Could he unbutton the shirt to the navel?"
"Don't be a c*nt!"

I can certainly believe it about Tom Cruise, given everything thats been written about him...and the fact he is pretty buffed, but where may I ask did you hear such horrible things about the loveable rogue / cheeky chappie known as Simon Pegg?

He was obviously meant to be an annoying git in TWE, but I've never heard any rumours that it mirrors his real life behaviour. I also wasn't that impressed when he lifted his shirt up...maybe its a "work in progress"?


P.S: you should be a comedy scriptwriter.

dyrewolfe wrote:I finally got round to watching Frost & Pegg's The World's End, which I found to be a massive improvement over the hugely disappointing and unfunny Paul...even if it is basically a re-make of Shaun of the Dead...with extra beer (and aliens instead of zombies).

Saw 47 Ronin a month or so ago and found it was surprisingly good, despite having Keanu Reeves in (think he definitely plateaued with the Matrix trilogy...if not the Bill & Ted films). Great story, cast and dialogue. Wasn't sure I'd like it but found myself riveted. Heck of an ending too.

Going a bit further back I also watched Elysium, which I thought was okay. Fairly standard sci-fi fare...not great, not awful...just watchable.

Watched John Wick the other night with KR. Have been putting it off for a while but I have to say it was pretty good. I've been seeing REEK from GOT a few times here and there now too, but he was pretty shhite in it.

Jason Bourne, if you generally enjoy the series you'll probably enjoy this. Greengrass is a competent director who knows how to execute an action scene and build reasonable tension. The problem is it's all kind of been done before in the series, fast cut jerky camera fight scenes, car chases and shadowy off the books CIA projects.

The other problem with the film is after three films where the CIA have involved Bourne is stuff he is not bothered about being involved in you can't help wonder why none of the senior directors of the CIA have not come to the conclusion that the next time Jason Bourne disappears off the grid it might be as well just to leave him there. Doing otherwise has tended to end up in several people getting dead, said directors losing their jobs or lives and masses of scandal/destruction to clean up. Set him up in a nice beach front property somewhere and let him see out his days in peace and quiet would be my advice.

On the plus side the film does indeed feature a main character called Jason Bourne so scores about as highly on the HH scale of cinematic titling accuracy as could be hoped and is better than Spectre.

Rob Zombie's "31" - an absolute waste of time and effort for everyone involved. Yet another tepid take on the "Battle Royale" theme that we've seen numerous times over the years. A group of terrible actors get kidnapped and forced to compete for survival in a warehouse against a group of assorted nutters for the amusement of three deranged Brits who dress like 18th century fops for some unknown reason and bet heavily on the outcome.

The assorted nutters include a (one assumes, cos there's no subtitles with my copy) foul mouthed Spanish speaking Nazi dwarf and very tall German cross-dresser. There's also a bad guy called Doomhead who is about the most interesting character in the film but that's not saying much.

Those old enough to remember Meg Foster (the actress with the scary grey eyes) will be horrified at how badly she's aged, but not as horrified as when you see that Rob Zombie still insists on having his wife play a major part in his films. She doesn't even have the decency to be naked which would at least be some compensation for watching her act. There is nudity but by the time it arrives, you're so jaded by the whole film that it's virtually impossible to become even remotely interested, let alone aroused.

As for the HH scale of cinematic titling accuracy, I'm tempted to say it fails miserably as I've know idea what there might have been 31 of. Malcom McDowell (one of the insane Brits) may have tried to explain it but I was past caring even by that early stage.

On the Michaels' scale of t!ts and violence it scores highly but it's all so dreadfully clichéd that you'd rather watched your own blood pool at your feet after slitting your wrists.

A truly horrible film that will only be highly rated by those people who've never watched another film in their lives.

Although it's still better than Spectre!

God damn it I was looking forward to this film, does it not even have a so bad it is good rating?

How does it fare on the Adams Musical Numbers scale?

Or is my personal rating the spectre benchmark

rick_dagless wrote:God damn it I was looking forward to this film, does it not even have a so bad it is good rating?

No, IS just bad. The guy who gave us "House of 1000 Corpses" and "The Devil's Rejects" somehow managed this...and without even a half decent soundtrack. "The Lords of Salem" was a departure from his usual fare and even that was more enjoyable than "31"

The assorted nutters include a (one assumes, cos there's no subtitles with my copy) foul mouthed Spanish speaking Nazi dwarf and very tall German cross-dresser.

Sold it to me.

Preacher wrote:

The assorted nutters include a (one assumes, cos there's no subtitles with my copy) foul mouthed Spanish speaking Nazi dwarf and very tall German cross-dresser.

Sold it to me.

You'll be asking for your money back, be warned, it's poor.

Meg Foster? I remember her from The Scarlet Letter. She don't look too bad at all for 68 years of age. (But then I'm partial to the scrawny pioneer look)

Meg foster was in the pilot episode of Cagney and Lacey as one of the titular two.

She was also in the awesome Masters of the Universe as Evil Lynne

Yeah, well she f*cking looks like Skelator now!

Ghostbusters - didn't laugh once. Waste of time and celluloid. Agree totally that Kate McKinnon is hot (she'd make a great Tank Girl if they ever remade it but I hope they don't) but outside of that, very uninspired and insipid.

DAVE667 wrote:Ghostbusters - didn't laugh once. Waste of time and celluloid. Agree totally that Kate McKinnon is hot (she'd make a great Tank Girl if they ever remade it but I hope they don't) but outside of that, very uninspired and insipid.

You watched it? What a horrible thing to do.........to yourself, and to Harold Ramis (#RIP).

mikey_dragon wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:Ghostbusters - didn't laugh once. Waste of time and celluloid. Agree totally that Kate McKinnon is hot (she'd make a great Tank Girl if they ever remade it but I hope they don't) but outside of that, very uninspired and insipid.

You watched it? What a horrible thing to do.........to yourself, and to Harold Ramis (#RIP).

What's even worse is that at the end of the final credits they allude to the fact there's going to be a sequel FFS!!!!

Case 39: Bridget Jones in a horror film, enough said.

Daddy's Home: Really enjoyed this. Pretty much exactly what you expect going in. Anyone who enjoyed the Other Guys will most likely enjoy this too.

The Man who would be King.... on a thing called a Telly, for all you Millennial kids.

An old favourite.  Two British rouges take to a bit of a boy's own adventure but one of them suddenly finds out he's become a bit of a God to the locals, which obviously complicates things.  
John Huston in the director's chair and some of the screenplay.  Sean Connery in by far is best role (nope, The Untouchables wasn't). Michael Caine wonderfully chewing up the scenery in the days when he liked to shout things like: "They're savages here, one and all. Leave 'em to go back to slaughterin' babes, and playin' stickball with each other's heads, and pissin' on their neighbors."  - i.e., before the days when he has become a persistent po-faced, almost constantly mournful, giver of heavy-legged worldy advice.... Master Bruce.

Sicario - overrated, boring and I didn't finish it. However I did watch season 2 of Narcos via Netflix, that was one awesome show. It felt so authentic.

The Man Who would be King - hate it on the grounds that it stars both Caine and Connery - neither of whom I can f*cking stand.

Case 39 - agree with lfc91

Sicario - Agree with mikey. Was expecting something incredible but nothing happens (maybe it does but I must have missed it) No tension or drama or anything to recommend it.

DAVE667 wrote:The Man Who would be King - hate it on the grounds that it stars both Caine and Connery - neither of whom I can f*cking stand.

Case 39 - agree with lfc91

Sicario - Agree with mikey. Was expecting something incredible but nothing happens (maybe it does but I must have missed it) No tension or drama or anything to recommend it.

Think this is the first time anyone has ever agreed with me on this forum, big moment for me.

lfc91 wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:The Man Who would be King - hate it on the grounds that it stars both Caine and Connery - neither of whom I can f*cking stand.

Case 39 - agree with lfc91

Sicario - Agree with mikey. Was expecting something incredible but nothing happens (maybe it does but I must have missed it) No tension or drama or anything to recommend it.

Think this is the first time anyone has ever agreed with me on this forum, big moment for me.

I'm pleased for you...even if none of these other miserable c*nts aren't.

The Girl With All The Gifts

Another take on the Zombie Apocalypse, the 'Hungries' as they're called evolve rapidly through one generation so that they look and act more human but still have the cannibalistic instincts of their parents. Was good until the end which was rather odd but did like that it didn't have a standard everything is going to be ok for humanity ending.

7/10

Hammersmith harrier wrote:The Girl With All The Gifts

Another take on the Zombie Apocalypse, the 'Hungries' as they're called evolve rapidly through one generation so that they look and act more human but still have the cannibalistic instincts of their parents. Was good until the end which was rather odd but did like that it didn't have a standard everything is going to be ok for humanity ending.

7/10

I read the blurb and the book sounded a bit like a teen/zombie rewrite of 'I am legend'