The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I am pretty sheet. Got into double figures last week though. All well on the forum?

What do you think windows will do for a career now? Screwfix are hiring down here.

ShahenshahG wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Brain mutation?  Self inflicted? Miscellaneous?

Just got rid of flu, now picked up another sh!tty bug. Didn't help that, in order not to disappoint my children yesterday, I had to take them on the water slides numerous times and got p!ss wet through.

You're turning into Tino, the notorious WFH'er. Man up you soft northern sissy.

FFS Shah, I'm expected to get up, go out, spend money AND entertain the bloody kids and then do it again on another occasion because doing it just once in their lifetime isn't enough, apparently. If I'd known this I'd never have had the ungrateful feckers.

DAVE667 wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Brain mutation?  Self inflicted? Miscellaneous?

Just got rid of flu, now picked up another sh!tty bug. Didn't help that, in order not to disappoint my children yesterday, I had to take them on the water slides numerous times and got p!ss wet through.

You're turning into Tino, the notorious WFH'er. Man up you soft northern sissy.

FFS Shah, I'm expected to get up, go out, spend money AND entertain the bloody kids and then do it again on another occasion because doing it just once in their lifetime isn't enough, apparently. If I'd known this I'd never have had the ungrateful feckers.

Ah, that old chestnut fair enough, you are forgiven but the smug silence from Rick and Rowley is nigh on unbearable. I wish upon them both hale and hearty decuplets.

Kids are just basically walking petri dishes anyway...

Rick, so are most of the insalubrious c*nts I deal with on a daily basis. My doctor asked why I've not been given the full range of available vaccines. I told I didn't want to end up with Gulf War Syndrome.

You do need a tetanus injection every other day in Bradders....

rick_dagless wrote:You do need a tetanus injection every other day in Bradders....

I'd have my blood replaced if I could (in fairness, I'm currently replacing it with Whiskey. Wife told me not to both with Sober for October as I'm a really grumpy b*stard...who am I to argue?)

And some eye bleach normally, and maybe a memory wipe.

Sizzler Fully Loaded Pizza

Onions, mixed peppers, olives, chicken tikka, chicken donner, lamb donner, spicy mince meat & sizzler mint sauce

11/10

Good lord.

What is sizzler mint sauce? Sounds like my kind of thing.

Seems to be a mixture of watered garlic mayo, mint, red chilli and green chilli.

Hmm, sounds interesting may give it a shot (as in, making something similar)

Actually Scratch the garlic mayo, its garlic with chives like the stuff you get on garlic bread.

Gutentag Notches.

Morning, flower, you well?

Look at you murmuring sweet nothings in my ear this early the morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fskUpNqHR7M

Next time it's the roof.

I am well thanks, save my shoulder twinges with the weather - I'm turning into Tino the workshy b*stard, a psychosomatic injury to excuse myself from work but I shall endeavor to battle on. How are you doing apart from the strange homosexual start to your day?

Everyone gets called flower where I am from mate, call it a regional quirk, like in Derby it's "duck" go figure.

I am all good in the hood, getting dragged into assisting a counter proposal to the re-structure over here, which I can not be bothered with but barring that good win in a pool match last night and out with friends tonight.

You?

Another All dayer mate. Thankfully the week after next off for first three days but won't be able to sleep past 530 AM any way. Might self medicate with some spliff. Note 7 Why, Why, Why Delilah?

Sounds fun... I generally wake up early when I don't need to also, pain in the rectum.

Quite fancy a big old lie in.

rick, if pain in the rectum is causing you to wake up early, then I suggest some sort of haemorrhoidal suppository before you go to bed.

I am always willing to take advice on waking up early and frequently from a gentleman of your advanced years, Jules, so cheers.

JuliusHMarx wrote:rick, if pain in the rectum is causing you to wake up early, then I suggest some sort of haemorrhoidal suppository before you go to bed.

Jules, you need to be clear and precise with this kind of advice. Unless you state clearly, "Go buy some Preparation H/Germaloids" youngsters like Rick with see the phrase "some sort of haemorrhoidal suppository" and assume it's safe to smear Ralgex on a small potato and bung it up there.

Oh, morning all...once again dippy c*nts driving in the murk with no f*cking lights on, what is wrong with these b*st*rds?

A38 was screwed this morning, I would imagine that it was caused by idiots with no lights, thankfully I missed (mist?) it.

Morning DAVID

Cheers RICHARD

Do you think the only reason why anyone has a middle name, is so you really know when you are in trouble with your parents?

If that was true, Sri Lankans have missed a trick, there is no way you can maintain momentum during a rant after shouting their full name I assure you.

ShahenshahG wrote:If that was true, Sri Lankans have missed a trick, there is no way you can maintain momentum during a rant after shouting their full name I assure you.

Same thing for Mexicans...once watched a western where they asked this bandito why Mexicans had such long names.

"Perhaps because we have such short lives!"

Would you like to hear a fictitious account about the time I took my heavily pregnant wife to mexico?

As long as it is FACT mate then sure.

Dear God Rick you must be bored if you're prepared to have Shah talk even more b*llocks than normal.

Well. the thing is - we made the mistake of planning a tight schedule in a place where timekeeping is hit and miss at the best of times so we were running behind from the get go as our flight was delayed. Sods law then that every other mode of transport was running bang on time. So our intention had been to fly to Cancun then skirt the border of Belize and Guatemala and then make a round trip. My wife, being the daft bint she is had brought along her lucky red coat in the height of the Mexican summer and had overpacked her luggage as well so guess who had to carry it everywhere? Anyway wherever we went, we had to spend the last few minutes of any journey running towards the train station, the airport, the bus station just to catch our transport to the next destination. But I began to realize something odd - there I was running towards the station with my wife's red coat flapping over my back and luggage rattling and my wife waddling as quick as she could behind me and we began to notice that the locals were jeering at us. No matter which port, bus stop, airport it would be the same us running towards the station and the locals jeering at us. I was fed up of this and resolved to solve this mystery the next time it came up. So when it happened again, I grabbed the nearest jeering youth and demanded an explanation. He spat a big wad of tobacco onto the floor at my feet, pointed at my wife's red coat on my shoulder and then at my wife and "ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, whatkindamatadoreareyoumayn?!!, whorunsawayfromacow"

Very good Shah, and I managed to read all of it!

Thank you, its a lot funnier if you could see my wife when she was pregnant, I'd post a full size picture but I can't afford the prices the ordnance survey was quoting me.

Wasn't worth the effort of reading even though, like The Sixth Sense" I'd got the punchline waaaaay before the end.

I'm disappointed, mostly in myself, by also in both Rick and Shah. Rick for encouraging Shah to write that post and Shah for not saying, "Richard, I appreciate it's a slow day but go read a f*cking book or something!"

I didn't see the punchline coming. I also didn't know they had trains in Mexico but, apparently, they do.

Gutentag Notches

Thanks for the support Galted - it means a lot to me. F*ck you Dave you miserable c*nt - of course you got the punchline before the end, but rather than being a reflection on the joke, it's just a poignant reminder that not everyone has a crystal ball for a head.

Morning rick.

Why doesn't Gypsy King Tyson Fury wear condoms?
Because he has crystal balls and can see it coming

Morning feckers

Morning chaps, in the North today and have arranged an interview for another role based permanently here... And Lithuania, so all good.

You?

Afternoon chaps.

You moving into organised crime Rick?

Yeah, thinking about it supes, medical plan is pretty good, insurance is OK, the pension scheme sucks, but with all the investments available "pre tax" it should mean that I will have a decent enough nest egg. With the new plastic fivers it means putting money through the laundry is easier than ever, just don't dry them.

Surely they'd be drip dry, like Galted's trousers

They would indeed, if you heat them in the drier, they shrivel up.

Like Shah's 'nads on steroids

I've never used steroids you un-kinder egg, they're just small compared to the ones on your forehead.

They say steroid use causes anger issues, and there you go, getting all angry!

Point proved!!!!!!

Right from the nore staat book of science and deduction Dave.

You're just adding fuel to the fire with these rants, Shah!

I'm loving the sexual tension between you two.

Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over. Shah knows what that's like, due in large part to the excess body hair he's undoubtedly sprouting thanks to the 'roids

DAVE667 wrote:Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling all over. Shah knows what that's like, due in large part to the excess body hair he's undoubtedly sprouting thanks to the 'roids

And so we come to the crux of the matter, I forgive you Dave, because it must be hard living a life with the physique and hair of a month old baby.

Afternoon fly you cc abandoning poofter, just think, that three months ago you were holding a facsimile of Dave in your arms.

Morning notches