It's not 'Send', it's the 'Culture Cup', stupid.

First topic message reminder :

He is
much vaunted
and so old his b*mhole is haunted
Julius
Julius

No-one likes a combination of cream and pastry more than me, but even I wouldn't think of cream horn without some difficulty.

ShahenshahG wrote:Foghorn Leghorn?

Now yer talkin'

Give it a go, Jules, treat yourself to a snack and a double entendre, all in one.

I've had a few cream horns in my time rick, but it's not exactly one that springs to mind in a quiz context.

Gutentag Notches

Morning dude, how goes the south?

Brisk but pleasant. How goes the north?

Wet, but sorting itself out by the look of it. Still pretty warm, but the rain woke me up last night, which was a bummer, but it also meant I fell back asleep to the sound of the rain, which made up for it.

Good weekend?

Not good and not bad to be fair. Played the witcher 2 all weekend and ate some Chicken Karahi, Kebab rolls and a marvellous double portion of vegetable pakore. Then I had some guests round who ruined the rest of my weekend by being bitchy and backstabbing their other relatives, in a way that was more malicious than funny and the weekend went from a great one to a neutral one.

That does not sound like much fun, I abhor bitchiness.

I tend to be a reverse bitch, as a rule, really mean to peoples faces, but quite nice behind their backs.

Witcher 2, great game though.

It is might get three but my pc can't handle it. How was your weekend mate

IT was pretty good, some nice time with friends, and Newcastle won, it is a local food/music festival this weekend as well, so short week.

Life is not bad, may even chuck another round of the quiz out later.

What was the link on the previous one?

Horns.

This was quite interesting to do

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

Morning fellas,
Nice reading about your weekends. Mine was OK, one team won, one lost and one drew.
Getting hot here now. Still no rain.

Hola TLD, great minds think alike on the old poll thread.

How you doing dear boy?

We could get some more people on the cc if the focus is on the music board...

rick_dagless wrote:Hola TLD, great minds think alike on the old poll thread.

How you doing dear boy?

We could get some more people on the cc if the focus is on the music board...

Best behaviour rick

Fair point, Jules.

Hammersmith going through that period again when he gets angrier and angrier. Just as well he's not the incredible hulk.

May pit him and Gwlad up against each other in a Game of Thrones trial by combat, only one to emerge victorious.

The prize being the winner getting a more painful death? They would fight tooth and nail for that.

A night out with Mikey Dragon to the victor I thought.

Cruel and unusual punishment aside, could be an idea...

Morning all.

Morning Rick.
Great minds think alike indeed. Thought round 2 was more difficult.
But not as difficult as a night out in Cardiff with Mikey D and Gwlad... with Nigel Owens officiating.

Morning gents. I think michaels is visiting my workplace today. Just heard over the intercom, someone check in as Sean from adc*cks

Some treats from the Viz Book of Sexist world records for you, guys.


Blobstrops

Least provocation

Whilst menstruating on July 18th 2000, Susan Turpin of Leeds (GB) discovered her husband, James, had placed a spoon the wrong way round in the cutlery drawer after washing the dishes. Accusing him of being 'thoughtless and selfish' she burst into tears, attempted to stab him with a breadknife and moved in with her mother for a week.

Shortest fuse

The record for the quickest a woman has flown into a tammy huff was set on April 24th 1978 by Tina Wren of Arbroath (GB). Returning from an 18 hour nightshift as a security guard, her husband Alan began to ask if she would like a cup of tea. One fiftieth of a second (0.02 sec) after opening his mouth, he was hit full in the face with a frying pan.

Social

Talking about Nothing

Mrs. Mary Caterham (GB) and Mrs. Marjorie Steele (GB) sat in a kitchen in Blackburn, Lancs. and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half months from 1st May to the 17th August 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes & toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged and neither woman gained any new knowledge whatsoever.
The outdoor record for talking about nothing is held by Mrs. Vera Etherington (GB) and her neighbour Mrs. Dolly Booth (GB) of Ipswich, who between 11th November 1983 and 12th January 1984 chundered on over their fence in an unenlightening dialogue lasting 62 days until Mrs. Booth remembered she'd left the bath running.

Christmas Records

Longest gift-related huff

On November 29th 1968, Margaret Pierce of Gateshead (GB), told her husband Ron not to get her anything that year for Christmas. When on Christmas morning she found that he hadn't, she embarked upon a huff which as of October 14th 2002 has lasted for 12,316 days. During this time man landed on the Moon, the Berlin wall has been torn down and a third world war has begun. Meanwhile, Mrs Pierce has sat with her arms folded, pretending to watch the telly and affecting not to hear her husband.

Driving

Incorrect Driving

The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504Km 313 miles from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also hols the records for longest completed with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.

Longest Roundabout Drive

The late Miss Dierdre Martin of Canterbury (GB) holds the record for the longest continuous traffic island circumnavigation. Setting out for Sturry on Monday, March 2nd 1998, she entered a traffic island at the junction of the A2050 and the A28. Trapped by other vehicles, she found herself unable to take her chosen exit and decided to go round once more. 4 days, 3 hrs 16 min later, having rounded the island an amazing 5813.3 times, Miss Martin was still unable to reach her exit, and her Ford Fiesta ran out of petrol. A passing motorist stopped and topped her car up with a gallon 4.5l of fuel, after which she continued for another 632 circuits before dying of natural causes.


Most Lessons Without Pulling Away From Kerb


As of May 17th 2001, Mrs Eileen Tiptree (GB) had taken 2914 driving lessons without once feeling confident enough to pull away from the kerb or even start the engine. Her weekly lessons involve her getting nervously into the car outside her home in Chelmsford, Essex and sitting whilst her instructor once again patiently explains what the controls are. During one of her lessons in 1986, she plucked up enough courage to briefly waggle the gearstick to check the car was in neutral before fainting. She has so far spent over £50,000 on lessons, and been through 303 instructors

Right turning

http://www.viz.co.uk/images/sexistrecords/029.jpg
The aftermath of Helen Tredwell's carefully considered manoeuvre.

The record for the longest time spent waiting to make a right turn is held by Miss Helen Tredwell (GB) of Greater Manchester. At 2.30 pm on Saturday 16th June 2001, whilst driving to visit friends in Warrington, she approached a side turning on the A559 in Stockton Heath. Indicating right, she slowed down and stopped to wait for an adequate gap in the traffic to make her manoeuvre. After 3 days, 2 hrs 6 mins, she finally judged it safe to proceed and accordingly went to make the turn, only to find that her Vauxhall Cavalier was not in gear. She continued to wait, finally spotting a sufficiently large gap on the Wednesday evening after waiting 4 days 6 hrs 22 mins. She commenced the turn, in the process striking a motorcyclist and knocking him into the path of an oncoming lorry. During her mammoth extra-cautious manoeuvre, she called out the AA five times, twice to fill her car with petrol, twice to replace burnt out indicator bulbs and once to replace the clutch.

Cinema

Film Confusion


The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on the 28th October 1990, when Mrs. Ethel Brunswick (GB) sat down with her husband to watch 'The Ipcress File'. She watched in silence for a breath-taking 2 mins 40 secs before asking "Is he a goody or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?", revealing a staggering level of ignorance. This broke her own previous record set in 1962 when she sat through 2 mins 38 secs of '633 Squadron' before asking "Is this a war film, is it?"

Shopping

Shop Dithering

The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between 21st August and 2nd September 1995 by Mrs. Sandra Wilks (GB) in the Birmingham branch of Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs. Wilks could not choose between two near identical dresses which were both in the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. Mrs. Wilks eventually bought the one for £12.99, only to return the next day and exchange it for the other one. To date, she has yet to wear it. Mrs. Wilks also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, starting on September 12th 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for 3 weeks 2 days before eventually going home.

Fair enough. It's not a quiz though, is it?

It is not, I need to get a bit of time so I can respond with the answers, within a reasonable time.

Most likely tomorrow morning.

It's that sort of laissez-faire attitude that led to Tino dying before he got around to CCv3.

I don't think it was the laissez faire attitude that got him killed..it was more the fact that his son was fathered by Charles Bronson

I miss Tino, he was one of my very first 606v2 chums.

I was hoping to ease this news into the thread but haven't seen an opening yet.
Galtova gave birth to Galtedevich last night. I got to change my first ever nappy today, a task I intend to avoid doing ever again. He has a f*cking impressive ball sack.

Congrats my friend, you truly are a man of the times. Remaking Frankenstein's monster.

Best Wishes to you, to Galtova and to the baby's real father whoever he may be and for which there are too many candidates to count.

Thank you, Shah, I knew I'd be able to count on you to inspire doubt in my mInd. My money's on Julius. I might demand everyone from the CC send me a picture of their balls so I can figure out who we should bug for alimony.

Galted wrote:Thank you, Shah, I knew I'd be able to count on you to inspire doubt in my mInd. My money's on Julius. I might demand everyone from the CC send me a picture of their balls so I can figure out who we should bug for alimony.

F*ck off, Sean

Lol out loud.

What you gonna name him?

Alexander - the only name we both find acceptable.

The night midwife looks like a young Michelle Pfeiffer.

Well that's a sign you should name your child

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson

Congratulations Galted!

If you check F***book I think there may already be a picture of my balls on there.

Cheers, Julius.

And that's exactly the reason I befriended you on Facebook.

Congratulations Galted. Best news we've had on here since the birth of Hassan-al-Luton, son of Shah.

How's the cat handling all the attention it's not getting?

Cheers, LD.

The cat handles the lack of attention by refusing to let me sleep when I get a few hours at home. As soon as I doze off I get a forehead slap and the sight of a fleeing cat or a gentle prod in the eye and accompanying stare.

Jeez mate... be careful with your eyes.

Hottest Sept 13 for 159 years here. An evil gale blowing outside too. Just waiting for the change. 34 degrees back to 18. I need a swim!

Gutentag Notches. Salutations and Congratulations. Celebrate for the spawn of Galted now graces 'London Town'.

Evenoon the loaded dog. Stop complaining and start frying eggs on the bonnet of your car.

Top breeding, Galts, I shall get my instagrammed balls over ASAP.

Morning notches

Morning childless detective Rick of the defective d*ck, how fare thee this morning?

Loving all the lie ins, free time, and expendable income mate.

And currently enjoying a bacon bagel, life is good, you well?