What does a doctor do when he breaks his nose?

What does a doctor do when he breaks his nose?
Act confident and professional?
Act adult and mature?
How about scream and act like a baby?

Never thought much about it before. But Friday night I was playing Rugby and the bridge of my nose impaled itself on the head of a teammate as we were both making a tackle. I saw stars like looking at the heavens on a moonless dark night. I finished the tackle, got back into position then wiped the sweat off my upper lip as I tried to shake the cobwebs loose. Sweat on my upper lip? Ohshit, it wasn’t sweat. Looking down at my jersey it was rapidly turning a nice shade of burgundy. I tried to wipe my nose, but it was soaking wet and full of blood. Doubleshit. Then I touched my nose and it was definitely not in the same place it was when I woke up in the morning. Poopie (and you know I didn't type the word poopie).

I stumble off the pitch looking for the pitch side doctor. TripleShit. I am the pitch side doc for the match. Why can’t I get a GOOD doctor when I need one? Hmmm?

Putting ice all over my face and forehead and sticking cotton nosebleed plugs up what used to be my nose, I now find myself asking people to help me out and wash the blood off my face (and to be honest, my hands, arms, and legs). I wonder why there were no ready volunteers…….

Eventually I slow the blood flow and realise I have to get to the hospital. Even an idiot like me knows when he is in the deepestshit - the blood loss had been considerable. So I get in my car ignoring the fact I had just arrived in the US and was not back home (that left side, right side driving thingy), ignoring the fact that I might be concussed, ignoring the fact that blood loss in a short period of time is dangerous and impairs cognitive processes, and ignoring the fact that I was holding ice packs on the bridge of my nose and could barely see. Freakin genius, eh?

I get to the hospital, and they go after me like vultures on fresh kill. I tried to slow them down and clearly explain the situation, but in my Einstein-like way, I had forgotten to take off my jersey which was covered in blood. They thought I was hit by a car or worked over by a gang. Since my nose was stuffed, blood caked my throat, and I had iced the front of my head, I could barely speak. Someone cuts away my jersey (now I owe the club a cool 50) and realises there are no other injuries. Finally the Emergency doctor examines me and makes the proclamation “Sir, you have broken your nose”. "Golly", I think to myself, "what gave it away?" Just what I needed, another freakin genius.

To make a long story short, they finally listen and realise I have a clue what is going on. They bring in a reconstructive surgeon who must have been trained by Al-Qaeda. “Well, Doctor", he says to me, "there are no Operating Rooms available, but we can fix it right here in the examining room”. Nice, but I knew that meant no sedation, only novocaine in the nose. This is bad (bad in this case is a euphemism for really, really bad). So the ghoul (oops, I mean the doctor) performed a rhinoplasty and septorhinoplasty (fix the nose and septum) with no sedation. And there was little old me laying on the table seeing how many times I can use merde in a sentence. For the record, I might have thrown in the occasional "bloodyhell"!

By the way, I never realized how freakish our medical tools can appear.

Needless to say I got home with a splint on my nose and a mile of cotton jammed into my sinuses. My younger son was very comforting: “Gee Dad, you look like crap”. Thanks. When the anesthetic wore off, I did my best stoic Clint Eastwood impersonation to ignore the pain “feck it! When will the chemist deliver the damed painkiller. Call them now. Call them again. I MEAN NOW!!!!”

Eventually all settled down. I have been putting ice on it and in general acting like a baby. I presume I am out for the usual 4 – 6 weeks. I wonder what my patients who will see me on Monday morning will think when they see their orthopaedist has two black eyes and a broken nose. I'm not sure, but it's probably not good for business............

Just felt the need to share........

Grey

Sounds achingly familiar.

We really are not good at taking our own advice are we?

Hope the painkillers are kicking in buddy.

Don't forget to up your fibre and OJ intake as those opiates...well, you know!

awesome story...sounds like what the ABs just did to the Saffas!!!!!!

Can't wait to read part 2 when you get the bill; but really hospital for a broken nose?!!!

in my day the best solution for a broken nose was to punch yourself, or, if you couldn't face it, ask the opposition tight head to do it.

mowgli wrote:.........but really hospital for a broken nose?!!!

in my day the best solution for a broken nose was to punch yourself, or, if you couldn't face it, ask the opposition tight head to do it.

Well, I am a back, you see..........

ok i get it, probably broke it on the comb in your sock....but really you could have saved yourself 2 million $ by speaking to your tighthead

I may also have broken a nail.
Can your precious Tightead fix that?
Can your tighthead spell 'nail'?

you're a disgrace to rugby

No, I am a back. We take these things seriously.
You see, if I break a nail, I might not look good at Afternoon Tea with my finger bandaged.

I imagine all that blood clashed terribly with the fake tan as well...

How are the black eyes?

doctor_grey wrote:No, I am a back. We take these things seriously.
You see, if I break a nail, I might not look good at Afternoon Tea with my finger bandaged.

ibid

Ouch !! sounds like quite a day ! So i guess you didn't fancy the mike tindall cave troll nose then? I think he had a metal plate smashed out of his so just gave up getting it fixed !...im sure your accident is just a one off though !

As far as your clients go as your in the USA don't they all have nose jobs anyway? i'm sure you will fit right in with the funny white bandage thing over your nose

Nice story doc, tell me are you driving an automatic?

Seems you must be real talented if not, steering wheel, ice pack and gear lever.

You must be a back. Far too smart to tape yourself up and get back on the field. That's what a forward would do like Buck with a testicle hanging by a thread or McCaw on one foot. But you don't get the cute looking nurse with a nice bedside manner doing that stuff. They just staple it in the shed after the game or not even tell the doc you have a problem. No sympathy vote and no pampering for them.

Just remember not to take the bandages off when you lean in for the first kiss with the nurse. She might lose her lunch all over you. That's not so good for your ego. You can take it when your team mates call you a fairy and demand to know why you're not lacing up your boots the following weekend. But when you come away with an injury like this and have nothing to show for it, that's what really hurts!

Take no prisoners doc. Besides, the opposite would be illegal and the best you could hope for is Stockholm Syndrome.

Doctor.

Heal thyself.

(and stay away from ladders. Apparently the are buggers.)

Hey Kia – not all backs are bad!

For the record I’m fast approaching 10 ‘broken’ noses in my career. I first did it when I was 17 playing in a Senior game for my club and all I remember is the streaming that went on...and on...and on. I kept playing which might have been silly. I was playing League at the time and being the youngest in the team, I was on the wing. We used to use the wing on the first hitup after kicking to touch on a penalty – that person being me. So after being given a penalty for the high shot that broke my nose, I then had to take the very next hit up all dazed, confused and bloodied. But I survived! At halftime our team manager suggested he could straighten it immediately by squeezing the break area (septum?) between his fore and middle fingers, then snapping down with his other hand – I politely declined.

It’s been crooked ever since. Bit of character I say!

chewed_mintie wrote:Hey Kia – not all backs are bad!

For the record I’m fast approaching 10 ‘broken’ noses in my career. I first did it when I was 17 playing in a Senior game for my club and all I remember is the streaming that went on...and on...and on. I kept playing which might have been silly. I was playing League at the time and being the youngest in the team, I was on the wing. We used to use the wing on the first hitup after kicking to touch on a penalty – that person being me. So after being given a penalty for the high shot that broke my nose, I then had to take the very next hit up all dazed, confused and bloodied. But I survived! At halftime our team manager suggested he could straighten it immediately by squeezing the break area (septum?) between his fore and middle fingers, then snapping down with his other hand – I politely declined.

It’s been crooked ever since. Bit of character I say!

So.......

These 10 broken noses?

You've told us about yours so can we assume your involvement in the other 9 was as "breaker" rather than "breakee"?

Sadly all as breakee MrsP. It’s fair to say my nose has moved a bit over the last 14 yrs.

If that nose had any sense it would have moved to the face of someone who would take better care of it!

I broke my nose showing off doing chin ups on a door frame before the match started. Never, ever lived it down.

Happy Saturday. Especial greetings to Ulster supporters, who have a seriously good team.

The nose is recovering nicely. Spilint and the six miles of cotton was removed on Tuesday. Only setback was a bit of bleeding on Wednesday whilst seeing a patient. Kind of ruined that chaps day.

I appreciate the comments, and I hope to answer many of the comments in the same vein as originally shared.........

mowgli wrote:you're a disgrace to rugby

No worries. My broken nail is healing as well. Probably only one or two visits to the nailologist before she decalres it healed.........

yappysnap wrote:I imagine all that blood clashed terribly with the fake tan as well...How are the black eyes?

Never quite managed the Chernobyl-like orange tan. Mine is always Brit-Bone-Honky-White, no matter what I do. The black eyes bloomed deeply, but are receeding quickly. Here's the method: Starting three days post-trauma, apply heat for 10 minutes once per hour, and follow by a 5-10 minute gentle massage of the bruise area. Literally pumps the accumulated blood out of the superficial cells. Can shorten the appearance of bruises/contusions by half.

sirtidychris wrote:So I guess you didn't fancy the mike tindall cave troll nose then? As your clients go as your in the USA don't they all have nose jobs anyway?

Mike Tindall married to Princess Zara. Noses in love, eh? There are some nose jobs here in northern NJ, but we do have quite a few boob jobs. "Yes doctor, I would be veeery happy to lean over your desk......."(doctor smiles).

Biltong wrote:you driving an automatic?

Fortunately, I had my wife's car, which is automatic. If I had mine would have been a real challenge. Besides I left her a few blood spots on the seat and floor of the car as a present. Wouldn't want that in my car....

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:You must be a back. Far too smart to tape yourself up and get back on the field. That's what a forward would do like Buck with a testicle hanging by a thread

Hero. Toughest man to ever live. I have perfomed virtually all kinds of field surgery in nasty places in dangerous conditions when on Army duty, but never stitched a scrotum. Ever. That physio gets BIG credit from me. My opinion: You lose it, you put it back.

kiakahaaotearoa wrote:Just remember not to take the bandages off when you lean in for the first kiss with the nurse...........

My nurse looks like Sebastian Chabal. The nurse on-duty in Emergency when I arrived was like Freddy Mercury.

greytiger wrote:Doctor.
Heal thyself.
(and stay away from ladders. Apparently the are buggers.)

You are Warren Gatland?

MrsP wrote: Don't forget to up your fibre...........

There are no words for a sentiment like this.
Freely taking the recommendation completely out of context, of course, is this a medical recommendation or a personal hygiene one............
(Thanks!)

mowgli wrote:ibid

yeah.

Drive to another hospital doc. That strike rate is unacceptable.

Yeah, they don't make 'em like they used to.

So....

The answer to your original question,

"What does a doctor do when he breaks his nose?"

would appear to be,


Bleed all over his rugby shirt, himself, the pitch, his team mates, the nearest Emergency Department, his wife's car and his patients!

I remember once breaking my nose years ago (been brken more times than i have had birthdays), standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror trying to straighten it with me ma freaking out. Eventually to shut her up i put the palm of my hand over my left eye (nose was broken to the right) and slapped my nose in one hit to straighten it.

Woke up on the bathroom floor with me ma screaming but my nose was back in position

Hope your feeling better soon Doc

Thanks, mate. Love the story. How long did it take for your ma to reconcile herself to the situation and calm down? Always amazes me how when we were younger our dear mothers would lose it over our injuries and we would do something, anything, to get them to calm down. Mine would simply walk out of the room and not look.

When I was 13 or 14, we lived in Kenya for a bit since my parents worked for the foreign service. Whilst there, my Dad taught me how to drive which was no big deal there. Later the same year, we are back home and I fractured my left forearm and there was some blood. Mum took one look and got all wobbly. I ended up driving her to the hospital so she could accompany me to Emergency. Before they did anything with me, I remember they gave HER medication as I sat there with a piece of bone protruding from my arm!

Idiots update for today:
Yesterday afternoon I went to my club's match as the doc for the day. I was standing in a circle simply tossing a ball around and someone called my name. I look over for a moment. When I looked back, the ball had been passed and hit me square on my nose. One week after and it starts bleeding like a hosepipe in spring. And it was just a short easy pass in a warmup. Stinkstinkstink.

You really drove yourself to hospital with a compound forearm fracture....as a 13 year old??????

Okay, from now I'm calling you Rambo!

I must clearly be a wimp. When I broke my arm playing I asked a mate to drive me to hospital and I was about 26 at the time! And yes, I was a back.

Happy Monday.
Let me explain the story I mentioned above, which was not so dramatic as it seems. There was a doctor at the pitch who already put my arm in a splint. It did hurt a lot, but the point was my mum had completely lost her cookies looking at my arm. The hospital was only about a half mile from the pitch and there was no traffic. My mum was going to drive, but was still nervous when she got in the car. I'd spent a half year in Kenya driving, so it seemed normal or natural for me to tell her to slde over and let me drive. I guess it sounds better in the telling, but at the time all I really wanted was for her to relax (as in just be quiet!) and for me to go get the thing fixed.

SubsBench, even we backs have our moments. I am sure I had a hair out of place, which in hindsight might have been what made my mother nervous......

You had a hair out of place! No wonder your mother went to pieces. I hope you apologised profusely to her afterwards!

Grey,

I suspect your poor mum was quite well used to seeing your hair sticking out at strange angles but was abit discumknockerated by getting such a good view of your Radius!

Still can't believe the pitch side Doc let you drive.

I bet it wasn't an automatic either!

But it does explain your choice of specialty in more ways than one!

Twice the strength and half the brains.....

MrsP wrote:Twice the strength and half the brains.....

The story of my life, especially the brains part.

Nice one Doc, hope you heal up quickly and you can update us when you get back on the pitch in due course. That story had me 'ouching'.

Very interesting maestegmafia!

But, are you trying to tell us Grey plays for the Ospreys, Treviso or Tigers.



Cos any of those would be a strange thing for a Saints fan, especially a Saints fan of... ...a certain age.

Or, maybe you posted on the wrong thread?

Mrs. P - a rarified, genteel age. Aging like fine (oops, I mean cheap) wine.

Ospreys, Treviso, Leicester?
In a completely hypothetical world, Ospreys would be no problem really.
Treviso would be great because who wouldn't want to live there for a year or so?
But the Evil Empire just up the M1 (or the A508 and A6) from Northampton? Run by Darth Cockerill and his gang of Orcs (sorry for mixing movie references)?
A bridge too far..........