Risky's Millions - You have £25 million that needs to go

Just a little bit of fun

Your highly paid off shore accountants have discovered that you have £25 million sitting in a dark room. They have found a loop hole in the tax system and it seems that if you use all the money on Rugby in your country, then you will get a rebate of £50million into your pocket

What do you do to improve your nations game

try to be a specific as possible

That's probably the number you'd need to terminate the contracts of all the useless players at Edinburgh, so there you have it.....

On a serious note, there are three things I'll like to put the money towards:

(a) building a new rugby stadium for Edinburgh - 15,000 - 20,000 all seater bespoke rugby facility;

(b) expanding Sean Lineen's team to scour the globe for players who qualify, or are interested in qualifying, for Scotland, and signing them up (good ones for Edinburgh, duff ones to Glasgow); and

(c) I'd ensure that Scotland and Edinburgh both had head coaches of the highest calibre, both coaching the same sort of rugby.

You been watching Brewsters Millions Risky...

Ok...Buy NZ for £25m and rename it New England...job done

If those were the terms I start my own academy, establish a purpose built training facility, including gym, pool etc...

The place would be a South Wales centre of excellence with the very pinnacle of technology, 8 full time staff, indoor and outdoor training pitches the absolute works!!!

Then I would call it...
The F.uck you WRU academy for those who are not related, or neighbours to the current staff!!!

Oh and then I sit back and watch the cool 50 mill roll in!!!

Tell you what, totally off topic, you give me 25 million pounds, I will go buy an island, a nice little yacht and spend my days doing nothing on the beach whilst my private chef cooks me the best seafood in my comfortable beachhouse.

I thought you had that already Bilts...

No.

GeordieFalcon wrote:Ok...Buy NZ for £25m and rename it New England...job done

You should get some change as well.

And id give the £24m change to you Bilts...get yerself a nice little island...Madagascar or something

Hire the world's greatest marketing expert, give him a blank chequebook and tell him to sell rugby to the masses.

There are a lot of issues in Scottish rugby that can be discussed and debated all day long, but I strongly believe that when you cut through all the complexities, it all boils down to the fact that rugby is just not popular enough here. Outside the borders it's generally seen as a posh boys' sport and your average working class bloke will have nothing to do with it, if we're ever to have any kind of consistent success that has to change.

Then again, all sports in Scotland struggle with participation, and I think climate has a lot to do with that, so plan B would be to build some kind of gigantic artificial sun in geostationary orbit above the country, giving us the kind of weather the Aussies can only dream of.

GeordieFalcon wrote:And id give the £24m change to you Bilts...get yerself a nice little island...Madagascar or something

well to be fair I won't need all the change. You can keep some for yerself

Not if i want the £50m! Think about the bigger pitcure mate...

Hmmm, my natural greed is thinking of a way of getting my hands on both the 50 million and the 25 million investment!

This'll take time to think through.

Call it Risky's millions

I'd pay New Zealand to let us win

£15 million: Build 2 stadium simulators - one of Hunter Stadium in a permanent Category A storm; the other a frozen Murrayfield mosh-pit with life-sized holograms of Scottish fans wetting themselves with joy.

£8 million: 2 x £4 million penthouse apartments for Joubert & Poite. Pollock says he'll do it for free.

£1 million: 200,000 plastic kicking tees - one tee (plus one spare) for every school kid in Australia.

£ 980,000: Tuition fees for all of our players (except Pocock & Simmons) to go to the Institut Villa Pierrefeu Finishing School in Switzerland.

£ 18,000: 9,000 x $3 (£2) Lucky Lottery Scratchies for Biltong.

£ 2,000: Miscellaneous mascot research, training & development.

£ 18,000: 9,000 x $3 (£2) Lucky Lottery Scratchies for Biltong.

Thanks mate.

It would be a pleasure, my friend.

I'd give the entire £25 million to the Scottish Government with one condition

"stop using your policitcal clout to save Scottish Football"

Once they stop looking out for thier chums in football, the football game in scotland will quicky collapse. This will then mean rugby will become the No 1 sport and Scotland can use the money, infrastructure and resources wasted on football to develope a now larger player pool. Within 10 years scotland will have won the world cup and moved into the top 3 in the IRB rankings.

Within 10 years scotland will have won the world cup and moved into the top 3 in the IRB rankings..

Its a bit early to be on the old buckfast isnt it?

tigertattie wrote:I'd give the entire £25 million to the Scottish Government

What??? I'd sooner burn it!!

tigertattie wrote:I'd give the entire £25 million to the Scottish Government with one condition

"stop using your policitcal clout to save Scottish Football"

Once they stop looking out for thier chums in football, the football game in scotland will quicky collapse. This will then mean rugby will become the No 1 sport and Scotland can use the money, infrastructure and resources wasted on football to develope a now larger player pool. Within 10 years scotland will have won the world cup and moved into the top 3 in the IRB rankings.

Sad to say the more likely outcome would be people just switch channels and watch English football instead.

I have a cunning plan.

I would set up an elaborate breeding facility for England's next generation. I would procure samples initially from Wade (for pace), Jonny (for boot), Manu (for truck it up), Greenwood (for vision) and breed that monster with Dan Carter's mum.

little_badger wrote:I have a cunning plan.

I would set up an elaborate breeding facility for England's next generation. I would procure samples initially from Wade (for pace), Jonny (for boot), Manu (for truck it up), Greenwood (for vision) and breed that monster with Dan Carter's mum.

What you going to do with the rest of the money??

Wade (for pace) - cost - a lollypop for the wee lad
Jonny (for boot) - cost - Some sun cream and subscription to Grazier
Manu (for truck it up) - cost - a half way ferry ticket
Greenwood (for vision) - cost - a dart board printed with Will carling face
Dan Carter's mum - cost - a colour TV

The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

So I take it that won't be an expensive exercise?

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

But then the off spring will be very short and stumpy, with a tendency to deep fry the ball

Pat, don't forget to set aside a few hundred quid for the strong steel cage you'll have to sleep in after making that last comment!

Riskysports wrote:

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

But then the off spring will be very short and stumpy, with a tendency to deep fry the ball

to be honest the first one would probably deep-fry Niko as a post-coital snack

Pat_Mustard wrote:

Riskysports wrote:

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

But then the off spring will be very short and stumpy, with a tendency to deep fry the ball

to be honest the first one would probably deep-fry Niko as a post-coital snack

I haven't seen Sean Maitland deep-fry anything*. So build the junior training facilities in NZ, ship the babies over there, then move them back at around 15 years old before they can be capped by the ABs



*Brendan Laney otoh

As an aside, while in NZ at the weekend I was chatting to a mate who was at high school in Temuka with Chainsaw, and caught up with him recently. Apparently Laney's done quite nicely out of the deal between the NZRU and Ford which gives ex-NZ provincial players access to cheap vehicles (can't remember exactly but IIRC the vehicles were MPVs).

I would hire a gene clinic to reproduce a century's-worth of McCaw clones for England.

It would be so totally, impossibly illegal that no-one would ever notice.

Joking aside I bet the likes of McCaw and other superstars could charge a fortune for their sperm - Oh no! what have I started

RubyGuby wrote: Joking aside I bet the likes of McCaw and other superstars could charge a fortune for their sperm - Oh no! what have I started

Just a lock of hair would do it Ruby.

Sperm wouldn't (I think).

But McCaw's such a naughty naughty boy, you probably be able to extract the DNA from a discarded Kleenex.

Buy out Peter Thomas as the Blues chairman

Re-organise the board of CB and CAP

Upgrade the Arms Park - 4G pitch, better facilities, more capacity.

Then use the rest to fund a few high profile signings to improve performance and attract a crowd.

...................then....

Win the HC
Most successful region with high attendances
Make friends with the media and public
Use this influence to shake up the WRU
Increase regional funding with the addition of some centralised contract
Petition to the Welsh assemble (when they get tax powers soon) to start the same tax benefit system they have in Ireland for rugby players.

I would buy Leicester Tigers and ruin them,get them relegated three divisions down

Then from my 50mill i would by the Scarlets, rip up all the daft rules on how i run my club and players in Stuart Gallagher's face.
Get the cream central contracted ,
bring in Graham Henry on a three year contract as head coach sign up Nicolas Mas ,Sam Whitelock,Sergio Parrise and Piri Weepu.

Plough a few million into the academy ,keep Jenkins as a talent scout and run the academy like a Spartan battle scene,
with in three years have a 100% Welsh team and the greatest Europe has ever seen.

15 million- budget for consultant in charge of finding a way to float Cork off into the mid-atlantic

10 million- set up specialist academy with dedicated coaches for developing tight five forwards from schools level onwards.

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

Nikos going to be a busy boy eh? Too busy to play for Glasgow I'm sure, but its all for the greater good right?

So in other words, you're asking us how we'd spend AIG's money


Priorities from the money
- Keep quality players in NZ (the injury prone ones can go to Japan for a few seasons to let their body recover)
- more grassroots development. Not sure what, but trying to keep kids in the game
- compensate the broadcasters so that we can get some more Sunday afternoon games

Improve Eiras Park for North Wales rugby, increase capacity and improve junior & youth development. Create 5th Welsh province.

Golden wrote:

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

Nikos going to be a busy boy eh? Too busy to play for Glasgow I'm sure, but its all for the greater good right?

Interesting.

Of course someone will have to explain to every woman of breeding age (plus their beaux) in Scotland that they are designated tarts.

A cunning plan Mr Bond...

Biltong wrote:Tell you what, totally off topic, you give me 25 million pounds, I will go buy an island, a nice little yacht and spend my days doing nothing on the beach whilst my private chef cooks me the best seafood in my comfortable beachhouse.

typical south african, give him 350MM rand to spend on sport and all he can think of is embezzling funds for his own private yachts, islands and so forth..... have you ever considered a career in politics???

Shush fa.

He's got Sir Mark Thatcher as a special advisor.

Everything'll be fine...

greytiger wrote:

Golden wrote:

Pat_Mustard wrote:The breeding programme is a good plan actually. There are around 1 million women between the ages of 16 and 44 in Scotland. We could pay them all to sleep with Niko Matawalu. Then the remaining £24.5 million could be spent on training facilities for the resulting offspring.

Nikos going to be a busy boy eh? Too busy to play for Glasgow I'm sure, but its all for the greater good right?

Interesting.

Of course someone will have to explain to every woman of breeding age (plus their beaux) in Scotland that they are designated tarts.

A cunning plan Mr Bond...

Shouldn't be difficult... most girls round here have had a few kids before they reach my suggested age bracket anyway. The hard part will be keeping Niko going

True, Niko does tend to cramp up after around 75 minutes...

Pay off the Trustees and build a nice 25k seater stadium on the Recreation Ground in Bath stone.

If there is any change, pay the IRB to stop sending SH refs to the 6N and screwing Englands chances in the last game, which is generally away from home.......

IanBru wrote:True, Niko does tend to cramp up after around 75 minutes...

75 mins!!!!!! You ordering and eating the pizza first

I always find it interesting when these discussions come up about what you'd do with a lot of money if you were allowed invest it in rugby.

Stadiums always seem to be high on the agenda. More seats, more comfort, in from the rain, shiny new or revamped stadium.

That's fine to an extent until you realise a spanking rejuvenated stadium will hardly help win one more game in a season. I doubt it would bring one more fan, who didn't already show up to the breezy and leaking one, either.

Would not money for player development, plus player buying, perhaps be a more surefooted way of eventually building up the winning potential, crowd potential, sponsorship potential and thus funding potential to pay for that lovely stadium down the road a bit? - No?

Oh everyone to their own dreams of course, and this is obviously just a little bit of fun, but it just always strikes me as a little counter-intuitive to use money for infrastructure when concentrating on players might be a more fruitful way of eventually paying for a stadium anyway.

SecretFly wrote:I always find it interesting when these discussions come up about what you'd do with a lot of money if you were allowed invest it in rugby.

Stadiums always seem to be high on the agenda. More seats, more comfort, in from the rain, shiny new or revamped stadium.

That's fine to an extent until you realise a spanking rejuvenated stadium will hardly help win one more game in a season. I doubt it would bring one more fan, who didn't already show up to the breezy and leaking one, either.

Would not money for player development, plus player buying, perhaps be a more surefooted way of eventually building up the winning potential, crowd potential, sponsorship potential and thus funding potential to pay for that lovely stadium down the road a bit? - No?

Oh everyone to their own dreams of course, and this is obviously just a little bit of fun, but it just always strikes me as a little counter-intuitive to use money for infrastructure when concentrating on players might be a more fruitful way of eventually paying for a stadium anyway.

We we did it with Murryfield and look how successful and out of debt we are . d'oh

Riskysports wrote:

We we did it with Murryfield and look how successful and out of debt we are . d'oh

Did what?