The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle".  Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.  

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

missed these shenanigans yesterday. trying to think of a rhyme but I can't get the lovely Haim girls out of my head.....

would be
sublime
to finger-f*ck a Haim
mi-chaels mi-chaels

I woudn't want to be so crude. I'd like to cook her (Danielle I chose in the end) a nice meal whilst she plays a few songs acoustically. We'd then sit down on the sofa and watch Band of Brothers or maybe Independance Day.

It comes as no surprise
With romance michaels lies
ro-hypnol, ro-hypnol

I think she feels the same way...

No, please don't cry
I've never done this before, drove a million miles
Back, when you were mine
I was too young to know Michaels was the one to find

But if I was to say I regret it
Would it mean a thing?
Cause every time I think (I think) think about it
Memories take me back to all of the Michaels times

If I could change your mind
I would hit the ground running
It took time to realize
And I never saw it coming
Forgive my lying eyes
Gonna give you all or nothing
If I could change your mind
I could make you mine, make Michaels mine

French woman not putting out eh?

ShahenshahG wrote:French woman not putting out eh?

Nah. Hip replacement.

sean wrote:Hip replacement

You are being replaced by Samuel L Jackson?

rick_dagless wrote:

sean wrote:Hip replacement

You are being replaced by Samuel L Jackson?

My favourite actor is Mr Sidney Poitier.

Is Sid as Hip as Sam?

rick_dagless wrote:

sean wrote:Hip replacement

You are being replaced by Samuel L Jackson?

Well done, dagless, that was comedy gold Julius would have been proud of.

Galted wrote:Well done, dagless, that was comedy gold Julius would have been proud of.

Thought I would try my hand Galted, as I have not seen the old boy on the boards this morning, must be a Saga day trip or other such journey on a horseless carriage

Morning by the way

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:Well done, dagless, that was comedy gold Julius would have been proud of.

Thought I would try my had Galted, as I have not seen the old boy on the boards this morning, must be a Saga day trip or pther such journey on a horseless carriage

Morning by the way

Morning. Let him know, when he returns, that he's now redundant unless he fancies taking over stalking duties and being chinned by toddlers.

Galted wrote:Morning. Let him know, when he returns, that he's now redundant unless he fancies taking over stalking duties and being chinned by toddlers.

I shall send a pigeon immediately...

How long is paternity leave?

seanmichaels wrote:How long is paternity leave?

In Yorkshire about an hour.

Rowley wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:How long is paternity leave?

In Yorkshire about an hour.

I think that's maternity leave. Paternity leave involves finishing your shift 5 minutes early.

Galted wrote:

Rowley wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:How long is paternity leave?

In Yorkshire about an hour.

I think that's maternity leave.  Paternity leave involves finishing your shift 5 minutes early.

Are they still only allowed 1 child in Yorkshire? Heard terrible stories about female newborns being hidden as the parents wanted a male child so he could start working in the pits once he could crawl.

What pits Sean?

sean wrote:Are they still only allowed 1 child in Yorkshire

never been to Bradford City Centre on benefits day then sean...

Rowley wrote:What pits Sean?

Pre Maggie......

rick_dagless wrote:

sean wrote:Are they still only allowed 1 child in Yorkshire

never been to Bradford City Centre on benefits day then sean...

Come now, most of them are too lazy to sign on in person, they all get the same bloke to do it for them. The counter staff haven't noticed as he's a master of disguise. He rolls his sleeves up and down in tiny increments and hey presto...completely different fella. Put of a different garish tracksuit top from Sports Direct and he can remain undetected for up to 28 months at a time.

However, the government have vowed to put a stop to this, all DSS staff will visit these people at home to save them the bother of shifting their fat ar$e$ off the sofa

DAVE wrote:However, the government have vowed to put a stop to this, all DSS staff will visit these people at home to save them the bother of shifting their fat ar$e$ off the sofa

But they have to go in the centre every so often to wash their offspring in the puddle Mirror Pool

No, there's also moves afoot for them to be visited at home for their bi-monthly sanitation ritual

DAVE wrote:No, there's also moves afoot for them to be visited at home for their bi-monthly sanitation ritual

politics in action, Cameron listens (albeit to the Jeremy Kyle Show) and acts, though i will miss the way that the sunlight glistens off a mix of Fairy Liquid suds and Hair grease atop Britains Biggest City centre water feature

This thread looked like it could go 24 hours without a post until I c0cked it up.

I find it difficult to post when dry....

I'm not dead, but I'm a day closer to it than I was yesterday.

uplifting on here today

I'm dying for a wee but can't be arsed to go to the toilet.

Slump over your desk & p1ss yourself, you might even get the rest of the week off.

Galted wrote:Slump over your desk & p1ss yourself, you might even get the rest of the week off.

A strategy best kept until a Monday or a Tuesday, surely?

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Slump over your desk & p1ss yourself, you might even get the rest of the week off.

A strategy best kept until a Monday or a Tuesday, surely?

Galted keeps track of days using masturbation - thats why he doesnt ever know what day it is, they all blend into the others.

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Slump over your desk & p1ss yourself, you might even get the rest of the week off.

A strategy best kept until a Monday or a Tuesday, surely?

Galted keeps track of days using masturbation - thats why he doesnt ever know what day it is, they all blend into the others.

The joke's on you, Shah - on Sunday laundry day I like pressing my balls against the washing machine when I masturbate, wouldn't know to do that if I didn't know what day it was, would I?

Galted wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:Slump over your desk & p1ss yourself, you might even get the rest of the week off.

A strategy best kept until a Monday or a Tuesday, surely?

Galted keeps track of days using masturbation - thats why he doesnt ever know what day it is, they all blend into the others.

The joke's on you, Shah - on Sunday laundry day I like pressing my balls against the washing machine when I masturbate, wouldn't know to do that if I didn't know what day it was, would I?

That's just an emergency measure to make up for all the time you couldn't masturbate in church.

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

rick_dagless wrote:

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

Good question Rick, most definitely did not get that memo.

Rowley wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

Good question Rick, most definitely did not get that memo.

Galted couldn't - they usually tie up heathens for the duration of the mass.

rick_dagless wrote:

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

Since the priests prefer doing it for you.

ShahenshahG wrote:

Rowley wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

Good question Rick, most definitely did not get that memo.

Galted couldn't - they usually tie up heathens for the duration of the mass.

Right!  If my name is going to be typed in italics Shah's is getting underlined.

Jeff wrote:Good question Rick, most definitely did not get that memo.

May explain the Parishioners recent attitude towards me though....

Uncouth.

Can someone explain why fat women sneeze so loudly?

Galted wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:

Rowley wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:

Shah wrote:couldn't masturbate in church.

Since when?

Good question Rick, most definitely did not get that memo.

Galted couldn't - they usually tie up heathens for the duration of the mass.

Right!  If my name is going to be typed in italics Shah's is getting underlined.

Then Rowley is going to be bold because he's fat/bald

and rick_dagless is going to be struck out because he doesnt have a dag

Don't use a different colour or font when mentioning Julius as only mods are allowed to do so.

seanmichaels wrote:Uncouth.

Can someone explain why fat women sneeze so loudly?

They are probably acting as a gaydar to direct their gay friends to your bumhole.

Galted wrote:Don't use a different colour or font when mentioning Julius as only mods are allowed to do so.

Not to worry, Rowley is indifferent, Julius is complicit and Adam is busy trying to get rocky 5 added to the 606v2 hall of fame.

seanmichaels wrote:Uncouth.

Can someone explain why fat women sneeze so loudly?

I have a pre-existing theory on this.  They sneeze at the same volume as thin ones but the sneeze is perceived as louder as fat women, and thus their sneezes, are more irritating than thin women on account of the fact that they cost more to feed and are less shaggable due to their immense size and the chafe marks where the rolls rub together.

Galted wrote:I have a pre-existing theory on this. They sneeze at the same volume as thin ones but the sneeze is perceived as louder as fat women, and thus their sneezes, are more irritating than thin women on account of the fact that they cost more to feed and are less shaggable due to their immense size and the chafe marks where the rolls rub together.

Their Immense frame acting a sub woofer

Back in school we had a french teacher who was so fat, she had to move through doorways like a sofa - stomach in first and then slowly turn around sideways so the rest of her could get through. When she sneezed it would be like AAH AAAH AAAH followed by a dainty and delicate choo

ShahenshahG wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Uncouth.

Can someone explain why fat women sneeze so loudly?

They are probably acting as a gaydar to direct their gay friends to your bumhole.

Good one petal.