Friday one-liners

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....


I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!


I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.


A new Middle East crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said. “A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.”


My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! B******s to this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.


Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarf’s are not happy.


Went around to a friend’s house today. His wife was sat there with their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.


I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.


I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.


On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'



Anyone got any others ?

Welcome back Sway!

Cheers KB - not realy had much chance to post lately, I recently moved to a new department in the firm I work for so I've been trying to keep my head down, but I'm the only one in today so Flip em'

Wahey!!

Just to check, your Grafta on PSN?

King Beer wrote:Wahey!!

Just to check, your Grafta on PSN?

Yes mate, I am indeed

Have you bought the new map pack for black ops ? The new zombie map - Acsension - is well worth a look

I'm got it. Can't get passed level 9 on Solo

Liking the new multiplayer levels though.

David Tails wrote:I'm got it. Can't get passed level 9 on Solo

Liking the new multiplayer levels though.

We will have to have a go at them mob handed, coz much like you I'm struggling to get into double figures level wise - I think I've finally worked out how to open up the pak a punch machine though - next time you KB and meself are online we will have to see how far we can get

I don't think KB has the new map pack.

Mrs B won't give him enough pocket money to fraternise with his CoD friends

She hates me, DT.

I haven't been hearing her in the background on the mic so much lately. It was good fun hearing her complaining at you.

why does a frisbee appear to get larger, the closer it gets. Then it hit me....

People call me a hypochondriac. That hurts...

I was going to join a debating society but someone talked me out of it.

I may have a way round that - there is a way to share anything you have downloaded from your psn account meaning you can spread the cost of buying map packs and other DLC, basically you log on to your machine with a friends account, access the play station store and enter their download history - it's easy enough to do but depends on how well you know or how much you trust the other person. Me and my cousin did it with all the map packs on WAW and MW2 - saved us a fortune, let me know if you want more details (assuming you don't allready know how to do it)

Surely depends on the the DLC they went for though? I thought there were different DLC's for different disc batches?

Hobo wrote:...

I was going to join a debating society but someone talked me out of it.

love that one liner

Love sacks! I hadn't thought of that - sneaky bar stewards and their Bless codes, it worked a treat on WAW, I'll try it again with my cousin - see if he can download first strike from my account - will let you know how it goes, but this could well scupper my cunning plan !