Seven Ages of a Golfer

I posted this on the 606 website around yuletide and it got a few laughs, sooo in this age of thrift and recycling thought I'd regurgitate it for your delectation. A bit of fun on a Friday afternoon...and I just wonder how many of you more senior golfers have been through some of these passages of rite and how many of you younger ones have got it all to come........

Age 14-18:
You smash every drive into the distance. Putts drop from each and every part of the green. You reduce 550 yard holes to a drive and a 9-iron. You hit the sack at 10:30 and hit the practice area at dawn, before you go to school. As soon as you pass your driving test you nab your big sister's MG. For a few years now you have been aware that girls have different lumps and bumps from boys - now you can do something about it.

Age 19-25:
Boozing and Schmoozing have taken their toll on your time and energy. However, you still hit cracking 300+ yard drives, your irons pepper the pin and putting is simples. You buy your first car - a black and white Toyota Corrola with loud exhaust pipes and alloys. Your girlfriend is now a permanent feature. You show her off to your golf buddies and watch her being chatted up while you sup your ale, fingering another monthly medal you have won without a care in the world.

Age 26-30:
You are now married and have unexpectedly become a father in the first year of wedlock. The Corolla is replaced by a dowdy Ford Escort. You now play once a week. You still smite the ball well, but the handicap has now risen from 3 to 9 and you are struggling to maintain it. You struggle with the short game and your in-laws hate golf with a passion. You are starting to feel isolated and perhaps wonder if marriage is for you..

Age 31-40:
Two sprogs and a divorce. You were caught with that attractive Italian lady member on a social day out and one of your golf buddies' wives blabbed to your wife at the annual dinner. You resign from the club and all the golf gear is mothballed. It's back home to mum and dad. The wife takes the kids , the car and the house leaving you potless.

Age 41-50:
Hallelujah, she remarries to a company director of an IT company. You trade in the old clubs for a new set and buy a second-hand Mercedes SLK. You join a club and start leching at the pretty blond barmaid with the short skirt and the lazy eye. You keep getting her to reach up to the top cold shelf for bottles of beer so you can look up her mini-skirt. With a few lessons and a handicap of 15.5, you win 4 medals in your first year back at the game. The drives only go 260 yards now and the irons are a bit wayward, but the putting is still pretty good.

Age 51-65:
Golf has eluded you. Too many whisky macs and real ales means that your waistline is starting to resemble the coastline. Any drive exceeding 200 yards is rewarded with a load whoop and you do cartwheels when you reach even a short par-4 in 2 shots. All the women at the club know your moves and avoid you like the plague. Even the barmaid with the lazy eye has moved onto better pastures. The cost of booze has increased and you have a bad case of the Nobby Stiles. Your hair has pretty much fallen out and you can hardly see your feet anymore due to the girth you carry.

Over 65:
Driving is poor, you now have the yips and people avoid playing with you all the time these days. The Farmer Giles are still bad and most of your iron shots are daisy-cutters these days. Any drive that reaches the ladies tee is a good one. Your chipping is pants and you twitch like someone in the electric chair over every putt you make. all your cash was lost on the stock exchange and your car is in as ropey a condition as its owner. Despite all this, you can still run a covetous eye over the Captain's Mrs. Happy golfing! :606laugh: :606laugh:

Falling neatly between the 5th and 6th "age", I can certainly see similarities in both descriptions!

Maybe not the 260 yard drives though

Age 31-40:
Two sprogs and a divorce. You were caught with that attractive Italian lady member on a social day out and one of your golf buddies' wives blabbed to your wife at the annual dinner. You resign from the club and all the golf gear is mothballed. It's back home to mum and dad. The wife takes the kids , the car and the house leaving you potless.

So. Ezio has put it about with golfers then?

LJ:
Not with this golfer malhereusement

Well worth recycling!