If Joey Barton hadn't been a footballer......

He'd have been an S&M burlesque stripper.

He'd have been the greatest philosopher in modern history

He'd be a virgin.

No wait..that's Crouchy!

He'd be in prison.

He'd be in and out of jail, operating the waltzers at the local fair in between those stints, shacked up with a Vicky Pollard-like gal called something like Jordan or Paige with four kids...And a possible fifth, the Jeremy Kyle DNA test results pending.

88Chris05 wrote:with four kids...And a possible fifth, the Jeremy Kyle DNA test results pending.

  

My wife is expecting our fifth child in the next couple of weeks.  You can be a hurtful man, Chris, a hurtful man.

Anyway, Joey would probably be in a really rubbish band touring the working mens clubs in the North West, being the mop-top kid from Liverpool that he is.

I am not a footy fan but do read about it and I have to say, Barton is clearly a knob but at least he says something, unlike half the tweets I read in the papers.  I am still waiting for Gary Lineker or Alan Shearer to say something vaguely interesting or controversial.

Bloody 'ell Tino, you can't miss, can you!? Suspect your kids won't be nicking fags from corner shops, leaving a trail of greenies everywhere they go and greeting people with the phrase, "Safe, blud", so knock yourself out as far as I'm concerned.

I'm sure we've all heard the rumour that Shearer, while all his team mates were out doing the town, instead celebreated Blackburn's 1995 Premiership win by going home and coating his garden fence. The fact that everybody believes that story without any pause for thought says a lot!

88Chris05 wrote:
I'm sure we've all heard the rumour that Shearer, while all his team mates were out doing the town, instead celebreated Blackburn's 1995 Premiership win by going home and coating his garden fence. The fact that everybody believes that story without any pause for thought says a lot!

Didn't he knock one of his teammates out when he played for Newcastle? The Irish lad whose name escapes me.

Do we know why Big Al did that? Did the other chap turn Kenny G off the stereo when Shearer was in charge of pre-match music?

Well he did boot Neil Lennon in the face in a Newcastle-Leicester match in 1998, is that what you're thinking of, Tino?

Ask Lumbering Jack, and he'll confirm that Lennon had the sheer temerity to headbutt Sir Shearer's boot and was lucky to avoid a red card.

88Chris05 wrote:Well he did boot Neil Lennon in the face in a Newcastle-Leicester match in 1998, is that what you're thinking of, Tino?

Ask Lumbering Jack, and he'll confirm that Lennon had the sheer temerity to headbutt Sir Shearer's boot and was lucky to avoid a red card.

That might be it although I thought it was off the pitch.

Anyway, whatever happened, L_J told me that the other person deserved it.

..if he hadn't been a footballer he's still be a world class c**t...just a shame Alan Pardew didn't headbutt him instead

...He'd be a French interpreter for a Scouser TV channel.

Joey Barton earns his living playing in a football team. All that goes to prove is that the term "footballer" is very, very subjective.

He could always try going into partnership with Roy Keane and opening a Charm School. Their first students might include Roy "Chubby" Brown, Gordon Ramsey, Basil Fawlty, Sir Alex Ferguson and Mr Angry from Purley.

I thought you'd be a fan, 4L?

Joey being a faux-socialist 'working class' pontificator and all....

TopHat24/7 wrote:I thought you'd be a fan, 4L?

Joey being a faux-socialist 'working class' pontificator and all....

You left out tree hugging, left wing, liberal, commie, pinko sympathiser.

I'm a modest man, with a great deal to be modest about, so doubt I could match your convictions, of which I'm sure you have a few.

The Fourth Lion wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:I thought you'd be a fan, 4L?

Joey being a faux-socialist 'working class' pontificator and all....

You left out tree hugging, left wing, liberal, commie, pinko sympathiser.

I'm a modest man, with a great deal to be modest about, so doubt I could match convictions, of which I'm sure you have a few.

Didn't know he had a thing for trees too.

Still, must be pleasing to have such a public figure helping 'get your message out there'.

TopHat24/7 wrote:

The Fourth Lion wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:I thought you'd be a fan, 4L?

Joey being a faux-socialist 'working class' pontificator and all....

You left out tree hugging, left wing, liberal, commie, pinko sympathiser.

I'm a modest man, with a great deal to be modest about, so doubt I could match convictions, of which I'm sure you have a few.

Didn't know he had a thing for trees too
Still, must be pleasing to have such a public figure helping 'get your message out there'.

Yes, I am also interested in conservation issues too, so there you go.... something else in the vast repository of things you don't know.     I would say that my message and Joey Barton's are worlds apart but I won't bother to explain the distinction as it's unlikely you'd be able to comprehend it.

Joey Barton, a public figure..?   Gasps.     You may think of him in such terms, but I would call him an irritating little attention seeker.... You should recognise the type by reading your own posts.

And actually, I can't stand the bloke but I'm sure you won't let that stop you in your fantasy diatribe.   Living in a dream world must be such a consolation for an almost total lack of wit, imagination or conversational ability.

TopHat24/7 wrote:I thought you'd be a fan, 4L?

Joey being a faux-socialist 'working class' pontificator and all....

Thats actually quite a funny remark, given the subject matter, because it makes no sense.

A Faux-socialist (Fauxcialist) is typically someone who is rich, but acts lower class and pretends to be anti rich. Thats not Joey at all, he's just a scouser with money.
A highly paid footballer does not make a working class preacher out of you, unless Joey went all religious and had an enlightenment one day.

Lots of big words there, I'd stop using the online thesaurus until you understand the original word in the first place.