The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **Pal Joey** Wed 28 Jan 2015, 8:33 am

First topic message reminder :

seanmichaels wrote:
The Loaded Dog wrote:Buenos días, los tres amigos.

I was caught up somewhere in the Milky Bar Way yesterday.

a dime for your thoughts?

Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty
Sound of their breath fades with the light

Are you hoping Michael Cadbury plays a scorcher tonight? It's just starting here.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 03 Feb 2015, 4:42 pm

Union Cane wrote:I'm up to 45p already, this is going to bankrupt me at this rate.

Yeah, I heard salaries up north are low.

by **Galted** Tue 03 Feb 2015, 7:01 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Do you believe in baby Jesus, Dave?
Why?

I was about to embark on an elaborate hoax about how I listen to Christian metal bands like BELIEVER and HOLY SOLDIER but I can't be arsed now.

by **Galted** Tue 03 Feb 2015, 7:04 pm

seanmichaels wrote:England v wales this Friday. May wander to the rugger bugger boards at some point during the game. I think they enjoy a bit of light hearted banter over there.......

Hopefully England score in the first few minutes or, preferably, some Welshie makes a monumental c0ck-up just after kick-off. An early "LOL!!! Wales are sh1t!" will set the match thread up for some glorious banter.

by Guest Tue 03 Feb 2015, 7:08 pm

Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Do you believe in baby Jesus, Dave?
Why?

I was about to embark on an elaborate hoax about how I listen to Christian metal bands like BELIEVER and HOLY SOLDIER but I can't be arsed now.

OK, shame really I could have bored you rigid with tales of how Christian rockers STRYPER threw bibles into the audience at their gigs. Just finished listening to a band called YESTERDAY'S SAINTS whose album "Generation of Vipers" is about certain aspects of the bible as seen from Satan's point of view. Can't understand a f*cking word and musically it's p!ss poor in comparison to BLACK CROWN INITIATE's "Song of the Crippled Bull" but at least I didn't buy it so happy days

by **Galted** Tue 03 Feb 2015, 7:16 pm

DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Do you believe in baby Jesus, Dave?
Why?

I was about to embark on an elaborate hoax about how I listen to Christian metal bands like BELIEVER and HOLY SOLDIER but I can't be arsed now.
OK, shame really I could have bored you rigid with tales of how Christian rockers STRYPER threw bibles into the audience at their gigs. Just finished listening to a band called YESTERDAY'S SAINTS whose album "Generation of Vipers" is about certain aspects of the bible as seen from Satan's point of view. Can't understand a f*cking word and musically it's p!ss poor in comparison to BLACK CROWN INITIATE's "Song of the Crippled Bull" but at least I didn't buy it so happy days

I was just having a session on the rowing machine with the 80s playlist on the ipod blaring away. Was excruciating that BANANARAMA's Robert De Niro's Waiting was playing when the neighbours got back.

by Guest Tue 03 Feb 2015, 7:24 pm

Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:
DAVE667 wrote:
Galted wrote:Do you believe in baby Jesus, Dave?
Why?

I was about to embark on an elaborate hoax about how I listen to Christian metal bands like BELIEVER and HOLY SOLDIER but I can't be arsed now.
OK, shame really I could have bored you rigid with tales of how Christian rockers STRYPER threw bibles into the audience at their gigs. Just finished listening to a band called YESTERDAY'S SAINTS whose album "Generation of Vipers" is about certain aspects of the bible as seen from Satan's point of view. Can't understand a f*cking word and musically it's p!ss poor in comparison to BLACK CROWN INITIATE's "Song of the Crippled Bull" but at least I didn't buy it so happy days

I was just having a session on the rowing machine with the 80s playlist on the ipod blaring away. Was excruciating that BANANARAMA's Robert De Niro's Waiting was playing when the neighbours got back.

Peas from the same pod Galted, peas from the same pod

by **ShahenshahG** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 7:03 am

Morning bitches

Fist

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 7:17 am

'sup with your bad self Shah?

Anything exciting for the coming day?

Sicond

by **ShahenshahG** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 7:47 am

Nothing really couple of drop offs some nice pastry in milk breakfast then reading a book until its time to go to work

Yourself?

by **Union Cane** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 7:49 am

Phurd.

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 7:51 am

Busy bee today in work, looking forward to an evening of doing nothing more than relaxing and either watching crap, or playing crap on the PS4, happy days.

Morning Union.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:03 am

Good morning.

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:14 am

Morning Tino, you bothered your @55 going into work today, or is it another day of pestering the local ethnic shopkeep?

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:15 am

ShahenshahG wrote:Nothing really couple of drop offs some nice pastry in milk breakfast then reading a book until its time to go to work

Chemistry for beginners?

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:16 am

rick_dagless wrote:Morning Tino, you bothered your @55 going into work today, or is it another day of pestering the local ethnic shopkeep?

Hauled myself in today, RicK. Bloody cold on the station this morning.

How's Bradders? A wintery wonderland?

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:19 am

Tino wrote:Hauled myself in today, RicK. Bloody cold on the station this morning.

How's Bradders? A wintery wonderland?

Big, brave, boy

It is the epitome of dull weather here today, grey, and not much happening, the John major of meterological events.

by **Union Cane** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:23 am

I'm about to venture out into the frosty tundra, I may be some time. Armed with Rowley's fiddlesticks I'm determined to keep spending down to 20p at the most today.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:24 am

Morning youngsters.

My aim today is to make Union swear out loud 5 times.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:35 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:Morning youngsters.

My aim today is to make Union swear out loud 5 times.

I can help you with at least four of them, Jules.

1. Talk about rugby union
2. Talk about rugby league
3. Talk about cricket
4. Say how Anthony Charles Lynton Blair is a big hero of yours and should be recognised as a true leader of the free world. He'll love that.

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 8:35 am

Jules wrote:My aim today is to make Union swear out loud 5 times.

Easy enough, start a conversation about the millenium

by **ShahenshahG** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 9:03 am

seanmichaels wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:Nothing really couple of drop offs some nice pastry in milk breakfast then reading a book until its time to go to work

Chemistry for beginners?

Yes. One of two modules left to be a qualified weapons master for isis. So if you want to be rid of me,i suggest you give me either your nob or your brain I can hand them in as a dissertation for the microbiology module

by **Union Cane** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 9:05 am

09.02 and I've already said '"c*ck".

furious

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 9:10 am

Union Cane wrote:09.02 and I've already said '"c*ck".

Was it in a "you're such a stupid c*ck" context or "come here and show me your c*ck" one?

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 9:14 am

Union Cane wrote:09.02 and I've already said '"c*ck".

In good news, I hear Tony Blair is going to be knighted, which I'm very pleased about.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:17 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Union Cane wrote:09.02 and I've already said '"c*ck".

In good news, I hear Tony Blair is going to be knighted, which I'm very pleased about.

Jesus Christ I thought it might make him angry, but I didn't think he would top himself.

by **Union Cane** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:26 am

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:36 am

Grimsby is the largest town in the relative calm that is Lincolnshire. If you should ever visit, come equipped with a Burberry baseball cap and socks tucked into your shellsuit bottoms otherwise you will stand out like a sore non-Chav thumb!

I suppose everyone who’s added their town to this impressive iLiveHere list will think their inhabitants are by far the worst, but I both urge and challenge you to spend a day in Grimsby and neighbouring Cleethorpes. “What’s this?” I hear you cry, “Two towns nominated? Surely that’s not allowed”. Regrettably Cleethorpes goes with Grimsby as well as butter goes with bread.

By day the Chavs play havoc within Grimsby town centre, either lurking in the shadow cast by McDonald’s doorway; swigging meths from the bottle at the old Brighowgate bus station; stripping chest-bare and jumping into the condom infested river Freshney to ‘big up’ their possy; or undertake drugs and petty crime within the shopping precinct, Freshney Place. Many are only truly understood by their three-legged, half bald, limping canine companions called Leo.

Malicious intent and behaviour come as something natural to Grimsby’s finest Chavs. Grimsby has more single-parent mothers than any other town in the UK, and the UK leads Europe, so statistically Grimsby has more loose, up-for-it, sexually moral-less women than any other settlement in the soon-to-be Super State that is Europa. Just the kind of women that Chavs nationwide like to prey upon and knock about after a few pints; the women, who know nothing else, see this as acceptable behaviour.

by Rowley Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:37 am

Mentioning a young man in a Kia Picanto or whatever they are called should cost him at least a quid.

Good morning all.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:39 am

This is where Cleethorpes rears its ugly head. By day it’s becoming an ever-growing seaside resort, where the Yorkie Chavs come with their possessions in bin bags to reside at the “Fitties” holiday camp. Yorkie Chavs do not mix with Grimsby/Cleethorpes Chavs and the bloodshed is generally within the family so-to-speak until nighfall, when the pubs and clubs open, luring the Burberry cap-wearing local Chavs “up Meggies” (the slang name for Cleethorpes) to share a 5 litre bottle of p*ss (sorry, I mean cheap cider) and go on the rampage at 1.45am attacking, slapping, spitting at whoever comes between them and their chance to show off in front of a CCTV camera.

Nowhere but Grimsby/Cleethorpes are there Chavs that go out intent on injuring specific people – bus drivers, train conductors, door men – none are safe. I was once on a bus in Sheffield where the native Chavs there took a random pop at the bus with a brick; no one was specifically targeted, just the bus, owned by some anti-gay Scottish millionaire. Not so in Grimsby! Ah yes, Grimsby, the home of the fastest running train conductors.

by **Galted** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:40 am

I'm sad today because Lewis and Nicole have broken up again and I left my lunch boiled eggs at home.

by Rowley Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:40 am

Where are you getting all this Sean, I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:42 am

Jeff wrote:I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

Can't be Toppy, food has not been mentioned once.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:46 am

Rowley wrote:Where are you getting all this Sean, I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

Crappy site where people like Toppy slag off a town they've been to. 'ilivehere' or something.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:47 am

Sleepy little market town now on the frontier of chavdom
This little cesspool was once a small and pleasant market town forty miles or so north of London. This rural idyll was rudely ended in the 1970’s when f**kwit planners, in a desperate search to find new locations to dump the dregs of humanity decided that Royston was an ideal site for London overspill housing.

And lo, as if in some perverse fairytale, within a few short years the pretty little town had a huge council estate built on it’s north side, appropriately named the Burns Road Area. This prophetic naming foresaw the burned out cars and convenience stores of only a few years later.

The sudden influx of some of the chavviest scum from London created a rapidly escalating crimewave, with local villages being targeted by bejewelled human effluent looking for a fight.

I recall having a flick-knife held to my throat once by a tracksuit wearing wankstain, who I now know to have been an early proto-chav. But before long, and due to a prodigious breeding rate, these early proto-chavs had devolved into the chavscum we know and loathe today.

The town itself once had quaint little local shops, but these were quickly killed off by a greedy council who introduced and then rapidly increased car parking charges while hiring some elder chavscum as traffic wardens to ensure that no drivers ever visited the town again.

Now there are plenty of cut-price s**teshops to provide the indigenous chavs with a natural chavitat. The town had, until quite recently, a charming old cinema, of which I have plenty of fond teen leg-over memories. It has been demolished, and therefore the town is totally devoid of any cultural interest whatsoever.

At the town centre there is the Royse Stone. A lump of glacial rock that has been there for years. It now forms the epicentre for chav night time activity, despite having an IQ well in excess of the majority of the local populace.

I notice that expensive new housing is now being built on the further outskirts of the town. If you are passing and perhaps tempted to stop and visit a showhome, don’t. The heart of the town is now rotten with chavs. Think Royston Vasey, but full of chavscum and you get the idea….

by Rowley Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:49 am

rick_dagless wrote:
Jeff wrote:I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

Can't be Toppy, food has not been mentioned once.

Fair point Rick. The level of sneering at the poor is not really anywhere near Toppy levels either.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:53 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Rowley wrote:Where are you getting all this Sean, I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

Crappy site where people like Toppy slag off a town they've been to. 'ilivehere' or something.

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/runcorn-dont-dis-my-home.html

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:55 am

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/northwich-cheshire.html

haha

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/bradford-where-do-i-start.html

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:56 am

rick_dagless wrote:
Jeff wrote:I did not realise Top Hat had published his diaries.

Can't be Toppy, food has not been mentioned once.

One for you, RiCKo.

Harsh. It had a Flotel for the sake of f*ck.

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/northwich-cheshire.html

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:57 am

Disturbingly true as well Tino...

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 10:58 am

rick_dagless wrote:Disturbingly true as well Tino...

"Northwich is a fetid wasteland where mid-Cheshire dumps all its dirty chavers and peasants. It’s a real relic of a bygone age when the locals used to mine salt – now they all just sniff Colombian salt and fight with each other."

What a great opening line...

by **rIck_dAgless** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:03 am

Prose at its finest Tino...

by Rowley Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:07 am

I daren't even read what it says about Rotherham.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:11 am

Rowley wrote:I daren't even read what it says about Rotherham.

It's all pretty favourable, Jeff.

Here is a selection:-

I walked past some 5 foot tall t*sser in a kappa tracksuit wearing more tacky gold around his neck, wrist and fingers than i’d ever seen. I think he also had a mullet but I can’t be sure as I involuntarily burst out laughing. He was too stupid to realise it was at him.

Driving back up Ship Hill I noticed the boy racers starting to congregate in their s**tty Vauxhall Novas. In a bid to get more than 85 miles an hour out of their 1 litre engines they’d fitted exhausts that were seemingly made out of a catering tin of Heinz Baked Beans. Flourescent lights made all the cars look like mini mobile whorehouses. None of the drivers however looked like they’d ever had a shag in their lives.

Walking around the town all the nice shops – Tailors, Jewellers, Marks & Spencer etc had closed and been replaced by pound shops, drugstores, amusement arcades and catalogue reject shops. The town was dead and the people there were the living dead.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:18 am

one for Galted....

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/norwich.html

by **Galted** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:21 am

There's nothing on the site about Greenwich. It has got a 93% favourability rating on Tripadvisor though. It has excellent transport links, restaurants and museums and is a great day out for the whole family.

by Rowley Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:22 am

All very accurate Tina, particularly the bit about the boy racers congregating around Ship Hill. There is a bar there, me and TSMR were stood outside there some summers ago. It is in a bit of a square. One kid drove past so frequently in his car in a loop I considered going and asking him if he was lost.

by **Union Cane** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:24 am

Rowley wrote:me and TSMR were stood outside

*TSMR and I were standing outside

by **seanmichaels** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:25 am

this sums up my old town perfectly. miss it like hell.

Andover is geographically isolated from other towns and the inbreeding here is of the highest quality. The chavs cannot afford to travel and the next town is a good 20 miles away so is well beyond BMX/scooter distance. This place is worthy of study as the Galapagos islands were to Darwin.

A depressing visit to the main Tesco’s allows the Andover visitor to first admire the free display of ‘Max Power’ enhanced cars which are permanent parked in the disabled bays. Andover tends to have a lot of disabled bays something to due with the vast number of people ‘signed off from work due to bad back’ scam. Walking into the store, one is easily mistaken thinking that there must be an England football game on today, the England top (and sometime shorts too) is the uniform of the over 30 chavs in Andover, always topped off with gold sprayed heavy chain around their tattooed necks. One, can actually buy similar chain from HomeBase or B&Q in the rope and chain section, £1.50/metre and better quality than the Argos range of jewelry.

Most of the aisles are easy to browse, fresh meat/fresh bread aisles are deserted but frequent the ready meal of fizzy drink aisles and you can witness 20 stone 18 year old mothers with ‘Uncle Baz’ who got her pregnant with a trolley full of 8 2 litre bottles of Cola, 14 pot noodles and 5 bags of jumbo assorted crisps.

The final pleasure after paying for your goods, is to squeeze past on your way out, the immense queue specially made for Andover chavs, “Lottery and Tobacco only” kiosk. This queue typically shows what this country has descended into people queuing for 20 minutes to spend the last of the giro on 2 packets of fags and 27 scratch cards.

The surrounding area of Andover is hills, I do believe a ground level nuclear detonation would return Andover to green fields with very little damage to surrounding areas.

by **Galted** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:36 am

seanmichaels wrote:one for Galted....

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/norwich.html

idiot

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 04 Feb 2015, 11:37 am

Galted wrote:There's nothing on the site about Greenwich. It has got a 93% favourability rating on Tripadvisor though. It has excellent transport links, restaurants and museums and is a great day out for the whole family.

I didn't like Greenwich. Had a bit of a mean time there.

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