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Surrey Limericks

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guildfordbat
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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sat 04 Jun 2011, 11:18 pm

Here is a thread to provide a home for occasional Surrey limericks. Ideally ones that have some loose connection with reality. To kick off:

There was a fast bowler named Meaker
Whose hamstring got steadily weaker.
He zoomed in like a hornet.
But pulled up - "that's torn it"
And so then was outpaced by a streaker. Crying or Very sad

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sat 04 Jun 2011, 11:22 pm

Plus another more cheeful one that was a composite effort of several Surrey supporters:

A reserve attack led by the Viscount
Took wickets aplenty. By my count
Linley and, on debut, Clive
Respectively took ten and five.
And so Surrey the table did mount. Smile

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Post by king_carlos Sun 05 Jun 2011, 12:49 am

There once was a young spinner named Chris
whose talent England didnt want to miss
thrown into tests at just twenty one
but back in minor counties before long
ohhh what a foolish selection policy this is

Bit outdated I know, and not strictly a limerick but.... Whistle


Last edited by king_carlos on Sun 05 Jun 2011, 11:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Post by guildfordbat Sun 05 Jun 2011, 10:38 am

There was an opener named Brown
Who became rather down
Runs he did lack
And then a bad back
As Roy took his crown king

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sun 05 Jun 2011, 2:02 pm

A tribute to the grand old man of cricket......

There was an old man named Ramps
Imaginatively nicknamed Gramps
As he neared his own century
To ward off his penury
A contract he signed, defying cramps.

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Post by SimonofSurrey Sun 05 Jun 2011, 6:26 pm

There was a young quickie called Jade
Who England's Test XII for Lords made
But he didn't get in
Overlooked for Steve Finn
Who then bombed - maybe Jade should have played!

...what's not to like: it (sort of) scans and rhymes and gets in a pop at our neighbours north of the Thames, too. Surely the perfect Surrey limerick?! Whistle

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Post by guildfordbat Sun 05 Jun 2011, 6:49 pm

Simon - I suggest you don't give up the day job just yet but nonetheless a cracking start! Very pleased another worthy has crossed over from 606. A warm welcome. Very Happy

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Post by jimbobgooner Sun 05 Jun 2011, 7:28 pm

yep nice to see you here simon Hug

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sun 05 Jun 2011, 7:32 pm

Who needs the Hay literary festival....? Very Happy

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sun 05 Jun 2011, 9:17 pm

Here's one I have left Chris from Stroud on the Gloucs page about our former wicketkeeper who enjoys such a fan base in the west country.

There was an old keeper named Batty
Who made Chris from Stroud very ratty
A fifteen ball zero
Compiled by our hero
Had Chris mincing words like pate. Very Happy

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Post by jimbobgooner Sun 05 Jun 2011, 9:22 pm

Corporalhumblebucket wrote:Here's one I have left Chris from Stroud on the Gloucs page about our former wicketkeeper who enjoys such a fan base in the west country.

There was an old keeper named Batty
Who made Chris from Stroud very ratty
A fifteen ball zero
Compiled by our hero
Had Chris mincing words like pate. Very Happy
Yahoo

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Post by Carrotdude Sun 05 Jun 2011, 10:46 pm

Very good, sir.

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Mon 06 Jun 2011, 10:36 pm

This one is an off-the-wall job prompted by the wildly conflicting views among Surrey posters on this, and in other places, about Chris Adams....

It relies on a well kept secret that some of Surrey posters operate a rowing eight which they have entered for the Henley Regatta....


The Surrey bloggers rowing eight
The cox did seek to motivate.
"Adams contract" he did shout.
In! Out! In! Out!
A zig zag course they navigate...

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Post by SimonofSurrey Tue 07 Jun 2011, 10:44 pm

On which nautical theme (to the tune of 'row, row, row your boat')

Yes? No! Ian Bell
Changed his mind again
Matty Prior Matty Prior Matty Prior - careful, oops
There goes the window pane

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Post by MuchHappierSurreyFan Tue 14 Jun 2011, 8:54 pm

Ansari a spinner who could spin the ball
To Surrey fans a shock to all
Schofield felt this was time to go
Cause could he take wickets, definately No
So off he went to play for Walsall

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:19 pm

Here's one to complement Depressed's offering.

It is prompted by (a) Chris Schofield's quote on the Surrey website: "I’ve never walked out to bat alongside a walk on girl before but I’m sure it’s an experience that many of the lads will be very much looking forward to." Also (b) his being hit for 6 into the portaloos against Gloucs......

There was a great leggy named Schofield
Who, for walk-on-girls kept his eyes peeled.
But he met his Waterloo
When launched to distant portaloo
And thus was his spectator's role sealed.

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Wed 15 Jun 2011, 10:24 pm

And one to mark Ansari's performance.... A bit convoluted


Who shall we pick - Schoey or G Batty?
Mused Adams for Essex T twenty.
But Z A - the Countdown alphabet
Soon proved the better bet
And so a new star: An- sar - i

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Post by MuchHappierSurreyFan Thu 16 Jun 2011, 8:37 am

Corporal clap You Limerick genius you!

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Thu 16 Jun 2011, 7:50 pm

Thanks, Depressed. Anything to lift the cloud a little! Very Happy

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Post by SimonofSurrey Sat 18 Jun 2011, 1:30 pm

Cheers guildford, jimbob et al who greeted me. Nice to be here with fellow Surrey sufferers. How about something a bit more upmarket than a limerick: a Surrey Haiku?...

Another wet Test Match
Broad bowling more cr*p again
But Tremlett's on fire

Ah so!

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sat 18 Jun 2011, 9:54 pm

Simon - wow!

I think a Haiku is beyond my limited powers. But possibly a highly derivative effort at a sonnet -with many apologies to William Wordsworth!

Earth has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
KiaOval now doth like a garment wear

The beauty of the morning: silent, bare,
strips, covers, bucket seats and mowers lie
Open unto the pigeons, and to the sky,
All bright and glittering in the Vauxhall air.

Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his pavilion, scoreboard or bar;
Ne'er saw I, never drank, a beer so deep!

The Adams speaketh at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very pressmen seem asleep;
And all the Lions their roar is silent still!

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Post by Corporalhumblebucket Sat 30 Jul 2011, 8:18 pm

A tribute to the Surrey middle order

There was a young bat Zaf Ansari
Pads on, coolly sipping campari
Then up went a roar
Ramps jaw hit the floor
And Zaf first ball - hari kari!

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