The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

I hope Jules is quick enough to get the thread split with one of his puns. Would hate it to be something tedious.

DAVE667 wrote:Saw they've had another bash at it. Is it live action or cartoon, Rick?

Live action mate but very, hammy and cartoony, similar comedy to the original cartoon if you like that sort of thing.

Morning Shah you well my barbarian friend?

All good, just looking for somewhere to kip for the night. Wife's rather pretty friend is coming over and I suspect the wife doesnt want her to wake up with my balls in her mouth. What about yourself?

Finally prepping to move my mother out of my gaff, she has been here for 2 weeks which is plenty of time to have your parents back in the house... I can come around and perform teabagging duty if you are not allowed mate, just give me a shout, you know I have your back.

Barring that looking like rather a turgid day to be honest, paperwork that I have been putting off mainly.

The top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
"My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He's a man after my own heart" - Masai Graham
"Why is it old people say "there's no place like home", yet when you put them in one…" - Stuart Mitchell
"I've been happily married for four years - out of a total of 10" - Mark Watson
"Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit" - Mark Smith
"I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn't much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second" - Will Duggan
"Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated" - Tiff Stevenson
"I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words" - Gary Delaney
"Why is Henry's wife covered in tooth marks? Because he's Tudor" - Adele Cliff
"Don't you hate it when people assume you're rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?" - Annie McGrath
"Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask" - Jordan Brookes
"Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first" - Michelle Wolf
"I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound" - Roger Swift
"Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer" - Arthur Smith
"I'll tell you what's unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses" - Zoe Lyons
"Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word" - Phil Nicol

Couple of good ones there, but previous years have been better

rick_dagless wrote:Finally prepping to move my mother out of my gaff, she has been here for 2 weeks which is plenty of time to have your parents back in the house...  I can come around and perform teabagging duty if you are not allowed mate, just give me a shout, you know I have your back.

Barring that looking like rather a turgid day to be honest, paperwork that I have been putting off mainly.

Do you remember the time Tino scored an own goal by getting confused about teabagging?

I do indeed, but I guess every day is a school day mate!

ShahenshahG wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:Finally prepping to move my mother out of my gaff, she has been here for 2 weeks which is plenty of time to have your parents back in the house...  I can come around and perform teabagging duty if you are not allowed mate, just give me a shout, you know I have your back.

Barring that looking like rather a turgid day to be honest, paperwork that I have been putting off mainly.

Do you remember the time Tino scored an own goal by getting confused about teabagging?

I wasn't confused.

Morning all.

I've always thought he was too posh to be a true northerner.

You yourself are in peril with that post I quoted, if I posted that onto the EU thread, you'd have superfly starting a countdown to when Duty would find your house and get what you promised him (in his own mind).

Typical. Er does anyone know where Jeff has gone?

Morning all.

Rick, got some tips for Newbury today from Ralph Beckett's head trainer if you're interested?

Morning 'stair, why not, if you think they are worth something mate.

I'm gonna do a Lucky 31.

Etihadi - 16.40
Northern Thunder - 17.10
Fashion Design - 17.45
Wrapped - 18.20
Poole Belle - 18.50
Folly Bergere - 19.20
Zain Arion - 19.50

I will have a look mate but seems reasonable, if you can't trust a stranger on the internet with your money then who can you trust!

I will probably just do trebles to be fair.

Sorry, Super Heinz, not Lucky 31.

Alistair wrote:Sorry, Super Heinz, not Lucky 31.

Haha, wondered where your maths was coming from, but I knew what you meant, I have just gone trebles...

rick_dagless wrote:I will have a look mate but seems reasonable, if you can't trust a stranger on the internet with your money then who can you trust!

I will probably just do trebles to be fair.

What would be unfair about not just doing trebles?

JuliusHMarx wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:I will have a look mate but seems reasonable, if you can't trust a stranger on the internet with your money then who can you trust!

I will probably just do trebles to be fair.

What would be unfair about not just dong trebles?

I have no idea what dong trebles are, Julius, but they seem dangerous and unfair to me.

Phuck - edited my post too late.

It happens to the best of us Jules.

rick_dagless wrote:

Alistair wrote:Sorry, Super Heinz, not Lucky 31.

Haha, wondered where your maths was coming from, but I knew what you meant, I have just gone trebles...

10p ew, returns just short of £40k.

I hope it comes in mate, if they all come in for me it is about a grand, so if they do the beers will be on you...

E/W super Heinz is 240 bets, the treble is 35 bets at 20p.

A linemaker I know reckons I could win a monkey with a martingale.

Even a couple of winners and places would be nice, Rick.

Agreed mate, we shall re-convene on the morrow and toast our victories!

Jules wrote:A linemaker I know reckons I could win a monkey with a martingale.

Get us the down low on the low down Jules, I will stick you in for a pony.

Or bemoan the loss of a few quid. Probably that.

Yeah, I would imagine it will be that.

Where is TLD when you need him, I want to know if he is deeply offended by this.

http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-derbyshire-37163416

Have we stopped talking about horses yet?

Is it safe to come back on?

Yeah, WTF are you notches babbling about?

I much prefer conversing with Tina about a myriad of other subjects...all of which are a f*cking mystery to me!

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Have we stopped talking about horses yet?

Is it safe to come back on?

Yes, don't worry, we're about to move on to WRASSLIN

Yes, I had moved on to offending the colonies.

Things that Serial and I like and offending the colonies are both acceptable.

WRASSLIN is but only if we are taking the p*ss out out Ad*m, Flipper or H*ro.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37158370
Have discovered where Michaels has been hiding.

OK, perhaps we'll steer clear of the grip 'n' grapple of the square circle.

DAVE667 wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37158370
Have discovered where Michaels has been hiding.

Maybe kingraf can be tempted away from action netball.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

DAVE667 wrote:http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37158370
Have discovered where Michaels has been hiding.

Maybe kingraf can be tempted away from action netball.

Would be a clear breach of CC rules if they were to meet up. Can see TRUSS competing in endurance tickling though. He'd bloody love dressing in lycra and being put into stirrups

Is Raf a paid up member of the cup?

rick_dagless wrote:Is Raf a paid up member of the cup?

Do you really need an answer to that?

Should be cool for breaching rules then.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1657449/mum-of-two-scared-witless-as-huge-false-widow-spider-leaps-on-her-as-she-painted-her-garden-shed/

"after almost being bitten by one of the most dangerous spiders in Britain" -

Almost being bitten.  Almost.  Not actually, almost.  By a spider so dangerous that there hasn't been a single recorded death.  Ever.

"pounced on her" -

No, it moved.  It didn't pounce.

“As soon as I saw it, I knew it wasn’t a normal spider, it was horrendously chunky" -

It's a perfectly normal spider and considerably smaller than many types of spider found across the country.

“It literally came for my hand.” -

Literally?  You stupid notch.  Did you ask the spider this?

"She said she was now worried about the safety of her children, six-year-old Jack and 12-year-old Evie, who often played in the garden" -

For the sake of f*ck.  Worry about them being groomed on the internet or getting run over.  Don't worry about a f*cking tiny little spider that won't kill you.

I hope next time she finds one, it crawls on her face and bites her.  Then maybe she won't put her ridiculous, slap covered, ugly pouting mug on Instac*nt, Tw*tter or Moronbook.

Stupid, vacuous notch.

Spiders. Kill 'em all.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Spiders. Kill 'em all.

Fine, just don't spew a load of hyberbole all over the place.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Spiders. Kill 'em all.

Fine, just don't spew a load of hyberbole all over the place.

I haven't eaten any hyperbole today, so am unlikely to spew it.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Spiders. Kill 'em all.

Fine, just don't spew a load of hyberbole all over the place.

I haven't eaten any hyperbole today, so am unlikely to spew it.

I had a bowl earlier

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Spiders. Kill 'em all.

Fine, just don't spew a load of hyberbole all over the place.

I haven't eaten any hyperbole today, so am unlikely to spew it.

l*l

DAVE667 wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Spiders. Kill 'em all.

Fine, just don't spew a load of hyberbole all over the place.

I haven't eaten any hyperbole today, so am unlikely to spew it.

I had a bowel earlier

Fixed for you.

Right I'm off to Spain till next week. The sunshine here is too much.

Adios, notches!

Happy trails Tina, I confidently predict that, should you run into Wlad, he'll be A/ very apologetic or B/ sh!t himself and run away like a big scared girl

DAVE667 wrote:Happy trails Tina, I confidently predict that, should you run into Wlad, he'll be A/ very apologetic or B/ sh!t himself and run away like a big scared girl

Not much of a holiday if junior is going along too.