The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

As the old thread is reaching its max again, I thought I would set up a whole new 20 spare pages for you all to talk about things neither cultural or Cup based.

Not that it makes a difference.

All anthropod, cortex and mild stereotyping of northerners welcome in here.

Just don't ask about the 2014 cup competition though.

Northerners....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-26456029

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote: He didn't react when I gave him a thoroughly good bumming which is further evidence that it wasn't Jeff as he's not into that sort of thing.

     

I was just eating a bowl of cereal but I have now gobbed half of it over my desk.  There are cornflakes in my keyboard.

I have started eating cereal at work, these days.  I don't actually like cereal that much but my colleague (the fat one who smokes a lot) made a comment about how annoying he found it so I have started.

My keyboard's similar but it's an accumulation over months and a lack of arsedness to change it.

Was thinking regarding your second point, the "how much will it annoy the angry Kiwi" has played a part in the selection of every lunch I've had this week.

JuliusHMarx wrote:Northerners....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-26456029

Don't see what the problem is here. That Staffordshire bull terrier shouldn't have paraded round with lipstick on.

Dirty thing.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Northerners....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-26456029

Don't see what the problem is here.  That Staffordshire bull terrier shouldn't have paraded round with lipstick on.

Dirty thing.

To be fair to him we don't know which end of the Staffie he penetrated, might turn out he deserves our respect.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:Northerners....
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lincolnshire-26456029

Don't see what the problem is here.  That Staffordshire bull terrier shouldn't have paraded round with lipstick on.

Dirty thing.

To be fair to him we don't know which end of the Staffie he penetrated, might turn out he deserves our respect.

We don't even know if they are still together as well.

I just downloaded the video.

It cuts off just after Wayne and the staffie lay back on the bed and have a post-coital cigarette together.

This story is b*llocks and the BBC should know better.

I think it's outrageous - smoking in bed is a genuine fire risk.

 

I would laugh if it was Lumbering Jack's staffie.

The Sun's headline - "Skeggy staffie stiffy"

Someone was nobbing my old man's missus's horses. They kept finding stuff out of place and the last time he came he'd built a stand for extra purchase. Caught a couple of months back at another place. Dirty barsteward.

Horses are dirty. The way they swoosh their tails around. Gagging for it, all of 'em.

Filthy beasts.

It's nice to know I've contributed to dragging the culture cup down to new lows, even by it's own standards.

Beastly on here today

I'm trying to think, if I absolutely had to, what animal I would do....... Perhaps a dolphin?

seanmichaels wrote:I'm trying to think, if I absolutely had to, what animal I would do....... Perhaps a dolphin?

Too slippery.

I would go for an ape. At least you could communicate afterwards.

 

You could eat each others parasites whilst communicating.

I'd probably do something cute like a panda or a meerkat to upset the Daily Mail. Otherwise it would have to be a komodo dragon.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I'm trying to think, if I absolutely had to, what animal I would do....... Perhaps a dolphin?

Too slippery.

I would go for an ape.  At least you could communicate afterwards.

Surely there must be an arthropod big enough to be Tinoed? The crunching would be quite a turn-on.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I'm trying to think, if I absolutely had to, what animal I would do....... Perhaps a dolphin?

Too slippery.

I would go for an ape.  At least you could communicate afterwards.

Surely there must be an arthropod big enough to be Tinoed?  The crunching would be quite a turn-on.

You could get an astonishing hand job off a giant centipede I expect.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I'm trying to think, if I absolutely had to, what animal I would do....... Perhaps a dolphin?

Too slippery.

I would go for an ape.  At least you could communicate afterwards.

Surely there must be an arthropod big enough to be Tinoed?  The crunching would be quite a turn-on.

You could get an astonishing hand job off a giant centipede I expect.

Yes, yes you can.

Even though it doesn't have any hands?

JuliusHMarx wrote:Even though it doesn't have any hands?

If you look really closely, they have little teeny weeny hands with teeny weeny fingers. Sometimes they wear teeny weeny little gloves if it is cold out.

What animal would you do, Julius?

Your missus.

 

I have to go to the hospital to visit the missus tonight. It is a private joint so she has her own room with all the gadgets etc. Last time she was there I got bollocked for putting a face mask on and pretending to be Hannibal Lecter in a straight jacket and wheelchair. May recreate another famous movie scene tonight.

seanmichaels wrote:I have to go to the hospital to visit the missus tonight. It is a private joint so she has her own room with all the gadgets etc. Last time she was there I got bollocked for putting a face mask on and pretending to be Hannibal Lecter in a straight jacket and wheelchair. May recreate another famous movie scene tonight.

Why don't you smash through the door with an axe and shout "here's Seany"?

Or rip out a sink and crash through the windows like in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Or drop your guts and stuff a tampon up your snatch like Arwen in Lord of the Rings?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Or drop your guts and stuff a tampon up your snatch like Arwen in Lord of the Rings?

  

What kind of sick-minded, morally reprehensible buffoon would say something so vulgar?

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Or drop your guts and stuff a tampon up your snatch like Arwen in Lord of the Rings?

  

What kind of sick-minded, morally reprehensible buffoon would say something so vulgar?

Yeah sorry, that was disgusting and completely out of order. You would have to be one deviant individual to come up with a scene like that.

 

How does Lord of the Rings rate on the Galted review system?

It rated fairly highly at first (8) as I'm a bit of a middle-earthophile but each subsequent viewing is more and more traumatic due to the completely sh1t acting, disastrous directing and face-palm-inspiring dialogue.  The battle scenes do make up for all the drivel though but the rating has slipped to 7.

What is the michaels take?

Galted wrote:It rated fairly highly at first (8) as I'm a bit of a middle-earthophile but each subsequent viewing is more and more traumatic due to the completely sh1t acting, disastrous directing and face-palm-inspiring dialogue.  The battle scenes do make up for all the drivel though but the rating has slipped to 7.

What is the michaels take?

Thought they were pretty bloody good. My only caveat being the homoerotic undertones going on between the hobbits. Don't think Jackson got the Hobbits.

I'm quite a big fan of LOTR and another set of books called The Wheel of Time (Robert Jordan).

"homoerotic undertones"

We are back on Jeff's favourite gay tribute band.

The battle of Helms Deep is awesome, especially when the orcs come over the hill in their tens of thousands. It was nearly ruined by Legolas skateboarding on a shield whilst firing arrows though. No need for that.

the combo of a really annoying Frodo, and the Deus Machina of the eagles ruin it for me...

seanmichaels wrote: Don't think Jackson got the Hobbits.

I'm not sure why that is as he is one.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:It was nearly ruined by Legolas skateboarding on a shield whilst firing arrows though.  No need for that.

That bit was a f*cking disgrace.  Also Gimli not being able to see over the parapet, and the dwarf-tossing bit.  He'd become a bit of a caricature by then.

Lord of the Rings - 12 hours of people walking. Bag o'sh!te.

Rowley's back!!

How was landan, Jeff?

Yes, the dwarf tossing bit was awful as well. That should be left to England rugby players during world cups.

The mood of that scene was set up brilliantly, with the scared kids and the archer twitching with nerves. The darkness, the rain, the seething mass of orcs banging their battle drums. The battalion of elves that come to help. It was a great scene and didn't need those idiotic additions.

Rowley wrote:Lord of the Rings - 12 hours of people walking. Bag o'sh!te.

For Men of the North 12 hours of walking was how they got to and from school each day as kids.  The bag o'sh!te was lunch (if they were lucky enough to have a bag).

TopHat24/7 wrote:Rowley's back!!

How was landan, Jeff?

Awful, full of bell ends and over priced. So pretty much as it is every time I go there.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
The battle of Helms Deep is awesome, especially when the orcs come over the hill in their tens of thousands.  

Sound effects recrded at Elland Road.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Yes, the dwarf tossing bit was awful as well.  That should be left to England rugby players during world cups.

The mood of that scene was set up brilliantly, with the scared kids and the archer twitching with nerves.  The darkness, the rain, the seething mass of orcs banging their battle drums.  The battalion of elves that come to help.  It was a great scene and didn't need those idiotic additions.

Yep, was brilliantly set up, remember my ball hairs tingling. The warg rider attack on the way to Helm's Deep was also ominous and helped to set the mood. Most of the scene still stands up to a repeat viewing.

You should have popped in to see me, Jeff. I'm not a bell-end.

Although they say you shouldn't meet your heroes as you'll always be disappointed.

I would hate for you to be disappointed meeting one of yours.

Rowley wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:Rowley's back!!

How was landan, Jeff?

Awful, full of bell ends and over priced. So pretty much as it is every time I go there.

What did you get up to??

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
The battle of Helms Deep is awesome, especially when the orcs come over the hill in their tens of thousands.  

Sound effects recrded at Elland Road.

Pity they weren't recorded at Villa Park, "what a load of rubbish, how much is he on? Still, mustn't grumble".

Highbury Library would've made for a very quiet soundtrack.....apart from the 4 times a year the Champions League music is played.....

TopHat24/7 wrote:

Rowley wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:Rowley's back!!

How was landan, Jeff?

Awful, full of bell ends and over priced. So pretty much as it is every time I go there.

What did you get up to??

Client meetings and generally wandering round getting annoyed.