The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

by Adam D Thu 27 Feb 2014, 8:23 am

First topic message reminder :

As the old thread is reaching its max again, I thought I would set up a whole new 20 spare pages for you all to talk about things neither cultural or Cup based.

Not that it makes a difference.

All anthropod, cortex and mild stereotyping of northerners welcome in here.

Just don't ask about the 2014 cup competition though.

by **Pal Joey** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 11:26 am

Galted wrote:It rated fairly highly at first (8) as I'm a bit of a middle-earthophile but each subsequent viewing is more and more traumatic due to the completely sh1t acting, disastrous directing and face-palm-inspiring dialogue. The battle scenes do make up for all the drivel though but the rating has slipped to 7.

What is the michaels take?

My friend's wife, "B", was at a school musical performance with her extremely talented daughter recently. Cate Blanchett's son was also performing in the concert (they - "J" and Dash B. have actually just gone out on their first date together... forget which movie).

Afterwards in the "green room", Cate walks towards B with a big smile and says something like "well, I thought that was a fine performance...". Then B, who has a penchant for blurting things out says to Cate: "Ahhhhhh.... my favourite Elf!" Very Happy

Blanch gave her one of those looks which said - how many times have I heard that one.

Almost on par with what B also said to Russell Crowe as they were walking back to the car park on another night out. (He was involved in some way with the event). He was making some small talk (in his usual BS way) saying something about "strong performances" and she quips - "oh...you mean "strong" like your character in Gladiator?" Rusty handled it better... and said "yes... I suppose so...."

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 11:28 am

Rowley wrote:
TopHat24/7 wrote:
Rowley wrote:
TopHat24/7 wrote:Rowley's back!!

How was landan, Jeff?

Awful, full of bell ends and over priced. So pretty much as it is every time I go there.

What did you get up to??

Client meetings and generally wandering round getting annoyed.

Ah...I thought it was a day trip with the missus for your birthday or something......

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 11:31 am

Linebreaker wrote:
Galted wrote:It rated fairly highly at first (8) as I'm a bit of a middle-earthophile but each subsequent viewing is more and more traumatic due to the completely sh1t acting, disastrous directing and face-palm-inspiring dialogue. The battle scenes do make up for all the drivel though but the rating has slipped to 7.

What is the michaels take?

My friend's wife, "B", was at a school musical performance with her extremely talented daughter recently. Cate Blanchett's son was also performing in the concert (they - "J" and Dash B. have actually just gone out on their first date together... forget which movie).

Afterwards in the "green room", Cate walks towards B with a big smile and says something like "well, I thought that was a fine performance...". Then B, who has a penchant for blurting things out says to Cate: "Ahhhhhh.... my favourite Elf!"

Blanch gave her one of those looks which said - how many times have I heard that one.

Embarrassing. She should have apologised "Sorry, couldn't help mice elf" - then burst out laughing.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 11:34 am

Except she'd have looked a total weirdo as that joke only works written down....

by **Pal Joey** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 11:37 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Linebreaker wrote:
Galted wrote:It rated fairly highly at first (8) as I'm a bit of a middle-earthophile but each subsequent viewing is more and more traumatic due to the completely sh1t acting, disastrous directing and face-palm-inspiring dialogue. The battle scenes do make up for all the drivel though but the rating has slipped to 7.

What is the michaels take?

My friend's wife, "B", was at a school musical performance with her extremely talented daughter recently. Cate Blanchett's son was also performing in the concert (they - "J" and Dash B. have actually just gone out on their first date together... forget which movie).

Afterwards in the "green room", Cate walks towards B with a big smile and says something like "well, I thought that was a fine performance...". Then B, who has a penchant for blurting things out says to Cate: "Ahhhhhh.... my favourite Elf!"

Blanch gave her one of those looks which said - how many times have I heard that one.

Embarrassing. She should have apologised "Sorry, couldn't help mice elf" - then burst out laughing.

She's totally embarrassed by what she said. Not even a "Hello" first.

Pity, because I was going to leave some business cards lying around at their house... in the off chance that the two kids will be partying in the "custom" designed living (party) room next spring (about 6 months away). Left a few nooks in there... and tried to blur the sight-lines from the "gallery" at the top of the stairs. Also whacked in a dumb waiter for good measure - so that there is minimal parental interruption when the kid's parties are in full swing.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:12 pm

EAT

Fire Roasted Red Pepper & Goats Cheese Soup (Very Big) with a small wholewheat roll, butter and a slice of millionaire's shortcake.

Taste n/a – don't know as the soup was the same temperature and consistency as molten steel and has caused me irreparable oral trauma. It melted the butter so that I had to pour what was left of it onto the roll, the rest has soaked the pages on my desk that I haven't had sufficient motivation to file
Health 3/5 – apart from having no skin left on the inside of my mouth and smoke coming off my teeth it was probably fairly healthy. Couldn't work out the calories as I have too much sweat dripping into my eyes to be able to read
Onions 5/5 – f*ck all, though for once I wouldn't have minded them. Would have been fun seeing the bastards being immersed into this seething, liquid portal to hell
Cost 3/5 (£5.29) – a bit expensive but it does come with a free spoon and knife (both plastic). Rowley, seeing as he's been in London, could have bought a Fire Roasted Red Pepper & Goats Cheese Soup (very big) with a small wholewheat roll, butter and a slice of millionaire's shortcake

Overall 11/15
Not too sure about the EAT naming convention – this item should've been called THE BEHEMOTH. Would have been more appropriate as a Man v Food challenge than a lunch. My discomfort has been partly eased by the free 900ml apple and elderflower juice handed out by the Innocent people. If anyone is around Liverpool Street I suggest you get one, they're quite potable (the apple and elderflower juice as well).

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:16 pm

"irreparable oral trauma"

Laugh

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:20 pm

Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:34 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

Yes. He either ate it too hot or is a chilli faggot.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:36 pm

Waitrose cheese and onion sandwich.

Taste - alright.
Cost - £1.10 good.

Highlight - At waitrose I saw a lady collecting trollies in the car park. She would definitely have 'got it'. Not often you can say that.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:37 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

Thank you, Julius, very kind. I considered allowing it to cool but a) I prefer to comment on the product as received without any additonal ingredients and/or preparation and b) I was seriously f*cking hungry

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:38 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

Yes. He either ate it too hot or is a chilli faggot.

The temperature was too high, I have a fetish for chilli pain.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:38 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Waitrose cheese and onion sandwich.

Taste - alright.
Cost - £1.10 good.

Highlight - At waitrose I saw a lady collecting trollies in the car park. She would definitely have 'got it'. Not often you can say that.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:39 pm

Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

Thank you, Julius, very kind. I considered allowing it to cool but a) I prefer to comment on the product as received without any additonal ingredients and/or preparation and b) I was seriously f*cking hungry

You're like my bird. I keep telling her hunger is a weakness.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:42 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Excellent review, as always.
Perhaps you could have let it cool down a bit before eating it. A radical suggestion, I know, but it might just have worked.

Thank you, Julius, very kind. I considered allowing it to cool but a) I prefer to comment on the product as received without any additonal ingredients and/or preparation and b) I was seriously f*cking hungry

You're like my bird. I keep telling her hunger is a weakness.

I could have endured the hunger if necessary but delaying the review would have compromised its integrity.

by **superflyweight** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:43 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Waitrose cheese and onion sandwich.

Taste - alright.
Cost - £1.10 good.

Highlight - At waitrose I saw a lady collecting trollies in the car park. She would definitely have 'got it'. Not often you can say that.

Yeah, sean. You're well known for your impeccably high standards!

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 12:47 pm

superflyweight wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Waitrose cheese and onion sandwich.

Taste - alright.
Cost - £1.10 good.

Highlight - At waitrose I saw a lady collecting trollies in the car park. She would definitely have 'got it'. Not often you can say that.

Yeah, sean. You're well known for your impeccably high standards!

Honestly, she was a solid 7 perhaps more. Looked kind of sexy in her Waitrose get up.

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:38 pm

Sporadic on these boards at the mo, but since i have been away Sean has standards?

Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:42 pm

rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:45 pm

sean wrote:What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

Hmm this sounds like a pub conversation we had around a similar thing, but i was more based around: If you had to screw an animal, would it matter if it was male or female?

Surprisingly divisive question apparently.

I guess an Octopus would provide a lot of possibilities, sure i have seen it done in a Japanese Gentlemens art film

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:46 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:49 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

There is a school of thought that suggests Komodos are actually venomous (the 3rd lizard species to have this characteristic after the Gila Monster & Beaded Lizard) though it's not been proven. Surely it's easy enough to dart one, clean its teeth and let it bite a goat or a water buffalo to see what happens?

by **rIck_dAgless** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:51 pm

I thought the Komodo thing was more an Anti-coagelent and the bite never heals whilst the prey bleeds to death

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:52 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

One bit straight through Steve Irwin's reinforced Hi-Tec's. I like to picture Galted as Steve Irwin with the bowl tidy mullet combo.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:52 pm

But doesn't the definition of venomous require injection?

Ergo, why dart frogs are poisonous not venomous, despite their toxin being more lethal than that of many venomous fauna.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 1:53 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

There is a school of thought that suggests Komodos are actually venomous (the 3rd lizard species to have this characteristic after the Gila Monster & Beaded Lizard) though it's not been proven. Surely it's easy enough to dart one, clean its teeth and let it bite a goat or a water buffalo to see what happens?

You had a pop at me once for writing insect and reptile names in capitals.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:00 pm

TopHat24/7 wrote:But doesn't the definition of venomous require injection?

Ergo, why dart frogs are poisonous not venomous, despite their toxin being more lethal than that of many venomous fauna.

That is correct, TopHat. Hence the teeth cleaning would go some way to ending the argument.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:01 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

There is a school of thought that suggests Komodos are actually venomous (the 3rd lizard species to have this characteristic after the Gila Monster & Beaded Lizard) though it's not been proven. Surely it's easy enough to dart one, clean its teeth and let it bite a goat or a water buffalo to see what happens?

You had a pop at me once for writing insect and reptile names in capitals.

Reptiles are worthy of capitals though.

I'm going to regret this but, do you have proof of me having a pop at you?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:06 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

There is a school of thought that suggests Komodos are actually venomous (the 3rd lizard species to have this characteristic after the Gila Monster & Beaded Lizard) though it's not been proven. Surely it's easy enough to dart one, clean its teeth and let it bite a goat or a water buffalo to see what happens?

You had a pop at me once for writing insect and reptile names in capitals.

Reptiles are worthy of capitals though.

I'm going to regret this but, do you have proof of me having a pop at you?

Galted wrote: You're such a c*nt, Tino. Why do you keep putting insect names in capitals. It isn't big or clever. I still really like you and you're my favourite ever poster but it is getting on my nerves.

If I PM you my mobile number, will you call me?

Will that do?

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:11 pm

I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:12 pm

seanmichaels wrote:I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

What, to eat you after getting frustrated at your tiny c*ck?

by Rowley Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:12 pm

seanmichaels wrote:I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

So not only are you going to have sex with an animal, you are also insisting on foreplay?

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:16 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:Last time i looked he was trying to screw a dolphin, ah how times change

What animal would you bone? Tina wants to bone an Orangutan because of the long armed potential for a wrap around and Galted wants to bone a Gheko.....

If Galted bummed a komodo dragon there would have to be no foreplay (don't worry Jeff, I can explain what that is if you're struggling to follow) and no kissing on the mouth. Their teeth have really bad bacteria and can/do kill people fairly easily.

There is a school of thought that suggests Komodos are actually venomous (the 3rd lizard species to have this characteristic after the Gila Monster & Beaded Lizard) though it's not been proven. Surely it's easy enough to dart one, clean its teeth and let it bite a goat or a water buffalo to see what happens?

You had a pop at me once for writing insect and reptile names in capitals.

Reptiles are worthy of capitals though.

I'm going to regret this but, do you have proof of me having a pop at you?

Galted wrote: You're such a c*nt, Tino. Why do you keep putting insect names in capitals. It isn't big or clever. I still really like you and you're my favourite ever poster but it is getting on my nerves.

If I PM you my mobile number, will you call me?

Will that do?

You've clearly made that up as I would have placed a question mark after "Why do you keep putting insect names in capitals", a bit like this "Why do you keep putting insect names in capitals?"

And you haven't provided evidence of me suggesting reptiles should not be capitalised.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:19 pm

Yeah I did make most of it up.

Not the bit about you asking me to call you, though.

by **JuliusHMarx** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:20 pm

Rowley wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

So not only are you going to have sex with an animal, you are also insisting on foreplay?

I'd take a koala out for dinner, but I'm not going all the way on the first date.

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:20 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Yeah I did make most of it up.

Not the bit about you asking me to call you, though.

I'm still waiting, Tino. You don't know what it's like, evening after evening, sitting on the sofa staring out the window, wondering where you are and if you're ok.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:23 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Yeah I did make most of it up.

Not the bit about you asking me to call you, though.

I'm still waiting, Tino. You don't know what it's like, evening after evening, sitting on the sofa staring out the window, wondering where you are and if you're ok.

You have a sofa?

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:25 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Rowley wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

So not only are you going to have sex with an animal, you are also insisting on foreplay?

I'd take a koala out for dinner, but I'm not going all the way on the first date.

Just in case it eats, shoots and leaves?

drumroll

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:25 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Yeah I did make most of it up.

Not the bit about you asking me to call you, though.

I'm still waiting, Tino. You don't know what it's like, evening after evening, sitting on the sofa staring out the window, wondering where you are and if you're ok.

You have a sofa?

I say "sofa", it's just a sack of broken glass and Komodo Dragon faeces but it's a sofa to me.

by **ShahenshahG** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:27 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Yeah I did make most of it up.

Not the bit about you asking me to call you, though.

I'm still waiting, Tino. You don't know what it's like, evening after evening, sitting on the sofa staring out the window, wondering where you are and if you're ok.

If you truly loved him, you would have called domestic violence unit by now - Its cruel of you to string him along while his place in your bed is occupied by a pair of hi-tecs

by **Galted** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:37 pm

I call it a "bed" but it's really a sofa.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 2:39 pm

Rowley, where did you eat yesterday?

by **Pal Joey** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:15 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Rowley wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I suppose you could bone a snake. They would have the added advantage of being able to dislocate their jaw to accomodate me.....

So not only are you going to have sex with an animal, you are also insisting on foreplay?

I'd take a koala out for dinner, but I'm not going all the way on the first date.

Just be aware that they are very slow to reach into their pouch at restaurants... and tend to fall asleep for 20 hours a day.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:23 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Rowley, where did you eat yesterday?

Rowley wrote: I took me own bloody scrag, sean lad. Tha won't catch me paying tha f*cking ridiculous prices the soft southerners pay. Over three pound for t'coffee? Are they tekkin p*ss or what. Bloody outrageous. My old mum wouldn't talk to us if I started paying those bloody prices. Plus I stuck behind a reet fat b*stard int cue for a sausage roll in Greggs. Bloody fat git was shouting at t'poor sod behind counter. He were looking at 606v2 on his Nokia. I think his username was FlatCap or summat like that.

by Rowley Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:27 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Rowley, where did you eat yesterday?

Browns in Mayfair mate.

by Mind the windows Tino. Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:29 pm

My version was better. Especially if you read in a Yorkshire accent.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:29 pm

I'm sure he's checked out for the day so I can say this without upsetting him. Wrap it up looked pretty sheeet. Missus described it as a microwave joint.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:31 pm

To reiterate, I haven't been in a Greggs in almost 10 yrs.

by TopHat24/7 Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:32 pm

Rowley wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Rowley, where did you eat yesterday?

Browns in Mayfair mate.

You were literally 2 mins away from my office! And 1 minute away from a much better choice - the Windmill pub on Mill Street.

Goodman's would also have been better.

Surprised you stumped up for Browns tbh......

by **seanmichaels** Thu 06 Mar 2014, 3:37 pm

TopHat24/7 wrote:To reiterate, I haven't been in a Greggs in almost 10 yrs.

the lady doth protest too much methinks

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