The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle".  Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.  

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

Has anyone planned any words for their own gravestone?

JuliusHMarx wrote:Has anyone planned any words for their own gravestone?

"Let me out, I'm still alive!"

JuliusHMarx wrote:Has anyone planned any words for their own gravestone?

No naked flames.

2 fried eggs on a baguette with brown sauce and 2 hash browns from the deli where I work

Taste 0/5 – sh1t.  the baguette was stale, the eggs cold and snotty and the hash browns were oily.  Licking Bob Crow's corpse or eating a kebab off the pavement that some scabby p1sshead's puked on is more appealing than facing another round of the slop the deli dishes up.
What michaels's missus would have said, " Je ne veux pas vous parler pas plus, vous vide dirigé alimentation animale creux essuie-glace. Je pète dans votre direction générale"

Health 0/5 – rimming someone with ebola fever is probably as healthy

Onions 2/5 – I think there were some in the hash browns, the meal was that crap that onions would've added to it

Cost 0/5 (£3.20) – f*cking rip off.  Even if it were free it would have been zero value for money  

Overall 1/10

It's been months since I bought anything from the deli and, hopefully, I'll be able to recall the disgust and sense of my tongue having been r*ped by a leper which I'm currently experiencing.  It's the kind of muck you'd expect to be dished up in a pikey food van in Billericay, not in a bank in the City.  Unfortunately, though, I just never seem to learn - on a previous visit, years ago, I requested a cheese and mushroom omelette and was asked if I wanted eggs with it, unfortunately, I said "yes".  Pretty sure I contracted the norovirus from one of the mongs who drool behind the counter in late 2012.  C*nts.

Ha. Was that lunch or breakfast?

Breakfast. Not sure I can do lunch after that.

Should've had Crème Parisiennes for breakfast.

Galted wrote:Not sure I can do lunch after that

Also good for a headstone

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:Not sure I can do lunch after that

Also good for a headstone

  

I’m still reeling from the revelation Galted works at somewhere with its own Deli. You southerners and your la di da ways.

Rowley wrote:I’m still reeling from the revelation Galted works at somewhere with its own Deli. You southerners and your la di da ways.

There's a shortage of roadkill down south so we have to make do.

sean wrote:There's a shortage of roadkill down south so we have to make do.

Judging by Galted's review, I would prefer the scrapings of the unfortunate rabbit i passed on the way to work this morning

Rowley wrote:I’m still reeling from the revelation Galted works at somewhere with its own Deli. You southerners and your la di da ways.

Gets more la di da than that. Each toilet has its own cubicle and toilet roll dispensers and we have Dyson Airblades for hand-drying.

You sure you are not just using the Ladies toilets Galted?

Galted wrote:  Each toilet has its own cubicle and toilet roll dispensers and we have Dyson Airblades for hand-drying.

We have them at Meadowhall, sometimes I go even when I don't want to buy anything. I can pretend, even for a brief moment, that I live is some futuristic Utopia, rather than Rotherham, which is neither futuristic or Utopian.

rick_dagless wrote:You sure you are not just using the Ladies toilets Galted?

Haven't seen any tampon incinerators or heard any screaming so I think I'm ok.

rick_dagless wrote:You sure you are not just using the Ladies toilets Galted?

  

Galted wrote:Haven't seen any tampon incinerators or heard any screaming so I think I'm ok.

Right you are, but best keep an eye on that Galted

Do not want any more "incidents"

rick_dagless wrote:

Galted wrote:Haven't seen any tampon incinerators or heard any screaming so I think I'm ok.

Right you are, but best keep an eye on that Galted

Do not want any more "incidents"

You mean like the p1ssing in the basin because I couldn't find the urinals incident?

Galted wrote:You mean like the p1ssing in the basin because I couldn't find the urinals incident?

That is certainly one example

I sometimes use the ladies at the cricket club. Always much cleaner

seanmichaels wrote:I sometimes use the ladies at the cricket club. Always much cleaner

It would be interesting to compare the gents' and ladies' if there was a way of calculating stench.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:I sometimes use the ladies at the cricket club. Always much cleaner

It would be interesting to compare the gents' and ladies' if there was a way of calculating stench.

Probably through lack of use in all honesty. Missus complained at work because her toilets resembled a speedway track. They are new media types though so probably spend half their time at work sheeting out all the fabulous mexican street food and dim sum they gorge themselves on all day.

Clearly never seen a ladies loos at the end of a night......almost in a miles worse state than the mens!!

TopHat24/7 wrote:Clearly never seen a ladies loos at the end of a night......almost in a miles worse state than the mens!!

Times hard? Hanging roun ladies bogs at closing time.....

seanmichaels wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:Clearly never seen a ladies loos at the end of a night......almost in a miles worse state than the mens!!

Times hard? Hanging roun ladies bogs at closing time.....

Once a cleaner, always a cleaner....

JuliusHMarx wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

TopHat24/7 wrote:Clearly never seen a ladies loos at the end of a night......almost in a miles worse state than the mens!!

Times hard? Hanging roun ladies bogs at closing time.....

Once a cleaner, always a cleaner....

Haha, not quite.

Used to work at a Walkabout in Southampton (plus a few other venues) and we had to do toilet checks at the end of every night.

In the mens you'd find maybe some splashes of vomit and a few pints of urine but nothing else.

The ladies would be an absolute state. Mountains of toilet paper strewn everywhere, discarded tights and other items of clothing, make-up on the mirrors and chucked on the floor, feminine hygiene products, occasional johnny.

Tonight is my equivalent of the michaels bird-feeder unveiling - bought the missus's kitten a scratching-post and am really worried that she (the kitten) will destroy it in seconds or, even worse, ignore it.  Could be a bit awkward if my next gift is a baseball bat or a sack containing bricks with enough space left for a small cat.

My cat resolutely ignored hers Galted, would scratch the floor next to it or basically anywhere the pad wasn't, irrespective of what I tried to do to coax her into using it.

Dearly love my cat, but she has made a right mess of our carpets.

Was the walkabout at the bottom by TK Maxx / the Castle? Can't picture it.

Rowley wrote:My cat resolutely ignored hers Galted, would scratch the floor next to it or basically anywhere the pad wasn't, irrespective of what I tried to do to coax her into using it.

Dearly love my cat, but she has made a right mess of our carpets.

If it is only one cat put catnip on the post (how old is kitten?). Should go mental.

Biggest issue with mine is that one pisses everywhere and when he's not doing that he's throwing up.

Yeh, right at the bottom end of the High Street. Past the ruins and Risa/Jongleurs, next to the Wetherspoons.

Rowley wrote:My cat resolutely ignored hers Galted, would scratch the floor next to it or basically anywhere the pad wasn't, irrespective of what I tried to do to coax her into using it.

Dearly love my cat, but she has made a right mess of our carpets.

This one's normally sedate but goes a bit apeshit every morning and every evening.  She attacks the sofa arm in the same way a male lion jumps on the back of a buffalo and then goes sprinting about the place stopping every once in a while to attack our ankles or wrists.  Sometimes she gets all four sets of claws and her teeth into one of my feet, it's painful as hell but there's not really much I can do except scream.

seanmichaels wrote:

Rowley wrote:My cat resolutely ignored hers Galted, would scratch the floor next to it or basically anywhere the pad wasn't, irrespective of what I tried to do to coax her into using it.

Dearly love my cat, but she has made a right mess of our carpets.

If it is only one cat put catnip on the post (how old is kitten?). Should go mental.

Biggest issue with mine is that one pisses everywhere and when he's not doing that he's throwing up.

  

I didn't need to see who wrote the post to guess whose cat it is. He's probably been drinking your cider when you've passed out.

Jongleurs, Wetherspoons, TK Max, a Walkabout? Where is this magical land of sh*te you talk of?

seanmichaels wrote:Biggest issue with mine is that one pisses everywhere and when he's not doing that he's throwing up.

Isn't that also what your missus says to her mates when discussing blokes?

superflyweight wrote:Jongleurs, Wetherspoons, TK Max, a Walkabout?  Where is this magical land of sh*te you talk of?  

Rich coming from a Scot.

Though I s'pose you are Edinburgh based at least....

JuliusHMarx wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Biggest issue with mine is that one pisses everywhere and when he's not doing that he's throwing up.

Isn't that also what your missus says to her mates when discussing blokes?

I'm rarely sick and mostly just dribble in my pants.

The tragic disappearance of flight MH370 has spawned an unlikely assortment of conspiracy theories -- from supernatural intervention to the influence of the illuminati.   

seanmichaels wrote:The tragic disappearance of flight MH370 has spawned an unlikely assortment of conspiracy theories -- from supernatural intervention to the influence of the illuminati.   

It also spawned a ridiculously offensive thread in the off topic section, which was perhaps more inevitable and predictable than the spawning of various conspiracy theories.

seanmichaels wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:Biggest issue with mine is that one pisses everywhere and when he's not doing that he's throwing up.

Isn't that also what your missus says to her mates when discussing blokes?

I'm rarely sick and mostly just dribble in my pants.

Had two consecutive nights on the p1ss for the first time this year and deposited a log this morning that was so long the thick bit had disappeared through the hole at the bottom of the bowl and the rest of it passed through the water and lay up the front of the bowl.  If only I'd had my phone with to capture it for science.

Rowley wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:The tragic disappearance of flight MH370 has spawned an unlikely assortment of conspiracy theories -- from supernatural intervention to the influence of the illuminati.   

It also spawned a ridiculously offensive thread in the off topic section, which was perhaps more inevitable and predictable than the spawning of various conspiracy theories.

So you think Onetwo is in the clear?

I try not to speculate as to what is going on with onetwo, it is just too confusing to even contemplate.

glad we are too cultured to get involved with such matters on here, and stick to p155ing in sinks and the occasional breach into arthropod land (seriously where is Tino?)

Here's a fix to keep you going until Tino returns...:

http://animals.about.com/od/arthropods/a/tenfactsarthropods.htm

Much obliged Toppy

rick_dagless wrote:glad we are too cultured to get involved with such matters on here, and stick to p155ing in sinks and the occasional breach into arthropod land (seriously where is Tino?)

I was just reading the alert a moderator thread and was thinking whether alerting them to the fact one almost followed through at lunchtime (and it remains a distinct possibilty) was suitable.

rick_dagless wrote:(seriously where is Tino?)

Depends if you want the interesting version of the story or the version which is almost certainly true but is pretty dull. The former is he was recently passed Union leader Bob Crow and is now dead.

The latter version of the story is Mrs Windows has given birth to child number 47 and he is doing duties relating to whatever that particular process entails.

Rowley wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:(seriously where is Tino?)

Depends if you want the interesting version of the story or the version which is almost certainly true but is pretty dull. The former is he was recently passed Union leader Bob Crow and is now dead.

The latter version of the story is Mrs Windows has given birth to child number 47 and he is doing duties relating to whatever that particular process entails.

Congratulating the real father?

superflyweight wrote:

Rowley wrote:

rick_dagless wrote:(seriously where is Tino?)

Depends if you want the interesting version of the story or the version which is almost certainly true but is pretty dull. The former is he was recently passed Union leader Bob Crow and is now dead.

The latter version of the story is Mrs Windows has given birth to child number 47 and he is doing duties relating to whatever that particular process entails.

Congratulating the real father?  

I believe he has already thanked Truss.