The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

by **seanmichaels** Thu 01 Oct 2015, 1:17 pm

First topic message reminder :

Daddy long legs are a nightmare for cricket groundsman. Their larvae are called Leatherjackets feed on the roots of the grass and can devastate the square. Season is done but the crows are digging up the bastards on my square at the moment.

by **superflyweight** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 1:48 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Managed to arrange to have to pick up my new ID card from the Law Society this afternoon at 4. It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here so will leave mid afternoon and shan't be returning.

*Scottish translation

Managed to arrange to pick up my giro from the dole office this afternoon at 4. It's a gentle 30 minute stroll from here but I will leave 2 hours early so I can pop into the Haggis and Heroin for a few looseners. I'll probably get into a square go with some radge but I'll chib the b*stard reet in his heid.

I don't like the Haggis and Heroin since they took out the juke box. My new pub of choice is the High Cholesterol and Shortened Life Span.

You been to the Pubic Triangle recently?

Walked through it last week on way to meet a mate in the Grassmarket after work. Usual array of working class middle aged men smoking outside the Western Bar steeling themselves for their next £5 lap-dance. The smell from whatever the hell they put on the pole is always overpowering.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:01 pm

Axel grease?

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:09 pm

My 20 minute sh!t break was a treat. Can't wait for the looks I'm gona get walking back into the room.

by Alistair Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:13 pm

Are you not a teacher?

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:14 pm

Stockbroker: Hold on Michaels, you are confusing me here.

Michaels: It doesn't sound like it is a hard thing to do.

Quite pleased with that.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:15 pm

Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Caretaker.

by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:15 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Caretaker.

Nonce?

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:17 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Caretaker.

Nonce?

Huntley just killed them, gosh

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:18 pm

Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Trainee, so I get college days where I have to "learn"

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:18 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Caretaker.

Nonce?

Blatant.

Tennis coach by the cricket club is a blatant nonce. Dresses like a kid. So obvious.

by Alistair Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:20 pm

Dolphin Ziggler wrote:
Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Trainee, so I get college days where I have to "learn"

I was trying to work out how you tell a classroom you've been having a sh*t for twenty minutes.

by **rIck_dAgless** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:26 pm

Alistair wrote:I was trying to work out how you tell a classroom you've been having a sh*t for twenty minutes.

"Right class, if it takes one man 30 mins to eat pie, chips and peas, and his body reduces this by 1 third of the mass by metabolism, if the bumhole can pass 1cm per second, how long would the resulting dump take?"

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:27 pm

Alistair wrote:
Dolphin Ziggler wrote:
Alistair wrote:Are you not a teacher?

Trainee, so I get college days where I have to "learn"

I was trying to work out how you tell a classroom you've been having a sh*t for twenty minutes.

When I worked on my own in the bookies I locked the shop up to go Poopie. Addicts would get furious. Thats true of the gambling addicts who lived in the place, and the drug addicts who would shoot up in the bogs. Bonus of placing your bookmakers across the road from a rehab clinic.

by **Dolphin Ziggler** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:27 pm

rick_dagless wrote:
Alistair wrote:I was trying to work out how you tell a classroom you've been having a sh*t for twenty minutes.

"Right class, if it takes one man 30 mins to eat pie, chips and peas, and his body reduces this by 1 third of the mass by metabolism, if the bumhole can pass 1cm per second, how long would the resulting dump take?"

We are told to make our lessons multi-sensory. Sh!t is as multi-sensory as it comes.

by **rIck_dAgless** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:31 pm

It would be great for class discussion...

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:34 pm

Richard the Turd.....

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:35 pm

Bography.

by **rIck_dAgless** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:36 pm

English Sh1terature

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:36 pm

Nice.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:38 pm

Fart and Design.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:41 pm

Shatin

by **superflyweight** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 2:44 pm

French

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:18 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Who said dis? Link the people....

1. Someone asked me once "What is the difference between Tom Cruise now and you when you were a major star?" I said there is a great difference. Look at a photograph of me from the old days and I'm going to one of my film premieres with a bottle of vodka in my hand. Tom Cruise has a bottle of Evian water. That's the difference - a bottle of Evian water. Richard Harris

2. My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession. Joaquin Phoenix

3. I like the effect drink has on me. What's the point of staying sober? Oliver Reed

4. I'd move to Los Angeles if New Zealand and Australia were swallowed up by a tidal wave, if there was a bubonic plague in England and if the continent of Africa disappeared from some Martian attack. Russell Crowe

Link is the Gladiator

Phillistines, where are jules and jeffrey when you need them?

by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:22 pm

seanmichaels wrote:

Phillistines, where are jules and jeffrey when you need them?

Jules has forgotten where he left his keyboard. Jeff has been locked in the stationary cupboard by the nasty boys and girls at his new place.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:24 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:

Phillistines, where are jules and jeffrey when you need them?

Jules has forgotten where he left his keyboard. Jeff has been locked in the stationary cupboard by the nasty boys and girls at his new place.

His 'Entry Prohibited' stamp in Jelly?

by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:25 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:

Phillistines, where are jules and jeffrey when you need them?

Jules has forgotten where he left his keyboard. Jeff has been locked in the stationary cupboard by the nasty boys and girls at his new place.

His 'Entry Prohibited' stamp in Jelly?

They have glued his stapler to the desk.

by **seanmichaels** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:31 pm

I wanted to tell Jeff about my vivd dream last night. I was in a record shop owned by Tim Burgess and he was picking out CD's for me.

by **ShahenshahG** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 3:59 pm

seanmichaels wrote:I wanted to tell Jeff about my vivd dream last night. I was in a record shop owned by Tim Burgess and he was picking out CD's for me.

And you cried, remembering that when you were 7 and your bumhole was as small as the stacking ring.

by **ShahenshahG** Fri 09 Oct 2015, 4:27 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Thought about you last night, Shah.

I was watching a documentary about Britain First. They were campaigning in Luton. A rather large and intimidating chap who looked like he was of Pakistani origin threw a can of pop at the Britain First people. Then got out of his car and challenged them to a scrap. They declined.

Was it you?

Those Britain First people are absolutely mad as a box of frogs.

I know the guy he's pretty friendly usually but does have an evil temper. The whole circus is pretty mad. Divide and rule - Motherf*cking tories.

by **Galted** Sun 11 Oct 2015, 8:37 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Alistair wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Morning.

Bit pi55ed off today. Got a text from the ex last night saying she'd sold the house. Fecking lying c*nts the lot of them.

Were you hoping to move back in?

Too soon?

Could have had a bit of respect for the place. I discussed it with her about a month ago and she said she wouldn't be selling even though I thought she would. We have an elderly neighbour who I / we looked after. I can still pop round but apparently she was in tears when she was told.

Don't do it, michaels. She may be a witch.

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 6:24 am

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 6:24 am

Fist Bitches.

Biting cold but not enough to put me off a cigarette

How goes it bumerinos

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 6:41 am

All good here mate, fine, crisp autumnal morning.

Good weekend?

Sicond

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 6:57 am

Morning Rick the Hick

Was pleasant until about 7pm last evening when my daughter got into the gloss and painted the carpet. Spent most of the evening rubbing white spirit onto the paint. Got most of it out but my daughter now hates me and is trying to encourage my mother to give me a beating. It also now looks like michaels was handstanding his way to the toilet and didnt quite make it all the way and left his mark in the form of white stains interspersed with brown.

How was yours?

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 6:59 am

Paint free happily mate, had a nice relaxed one, not much of interest to report to be honest...

Just looking foward to another week living the dream!

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 7:08 am

How's Chick Dagless doing with you being away at all hours?

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 7:16 am

Shah wrote:How's Chick Dagless doing with you being away at all hours?

Not too chuffed to be honest mate, but she also has her fair share of work and jollies on, so understands, I am sure there is come retribution somewhere along the way, I have a feeling it will be an expensive Christmas!

Could do with some abroad time I reckon...

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 7:29 am

You let it work?!

Truly, you are a capitalist pig.

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 7:40 am

Yeah, she becomes too much of a pain if it gets bored, and ends up getting further on my Playstation games than me, which is unacceptable!!

I think I screwed the Music Cup up with late choices dangnammit!

by **seanmichaels** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 8:08 am

Morning.

by **JuliusHMarx** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 8:31 am

Morning sean
Morning rick
Morning Shah

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 8:39 am

Morning Jules
Morning sean

by **seanmichaels** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 8:44 am

I got quite drunk (even for me) on Saturday.

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 8:58 am

Did it cause any drama sean? Or did it go smoothly?

by **seanmichaels** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 9:06 am

rick_dagless wrote:Did it cause any drama sean? Or did it go smoothly?

Well.... I allegedly tried to punch one of the younger players. He is just about the most annoyingly loud person I have met and by all accounts it wouldn't have been that out of order if I had connected.

I was put into a taxi who dumped me in the middle of nowhere. Presumably I had argued about fee or the route being taken. Anyway, miraculously a good samaritan picked me up and dropped me home. This last bit may not be 100% how it happened but I sort of had a flashback yesterday morning and had only spent £30 all night.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 9:07 am

Oh and I smashed my phone somehow...

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 9:14 am

Haha, all in all not too bad then mate Smile

by **seanmichaels** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 9:27 am

It was a half decent evening. Standard heckling of the speeches and the occasional sugar cube / bread roll heading at high velocity across the room.

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 12 Oct 2015, 10:43 am

Any mechanics?

by Alistair Mon 12 Oct 2015, 10:53 am

ShahenshahG wrote:Any mechanics?

Mike had a few?

by Sponsored content