The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

Story of my life Tino (though not if you ask Mrs Daggles)

F*ck yeah! That was a proper quiz!

Galted wrote:F*ck yeah!  That was a proper quiz!

My film taste makes me a natural for quiz master.

F hell! Anyone watching the cricket?

Keeping one eye on it Galted, mental scenes!

Had to double-check on bbc to make sure it wasn't highlights of some other game. They were only 1 wicket behind which isn't bad for them.

Think Jimmy may be p155ed at them for the insult-gate thing.

Indians gone all soft c0ck

Dinner was sh11te not even going to describe it...

Do we get a Galted lunch review today?

Afraid not, dagless. Lunch is probably going to be instant soup and bread that is too stale to support mould. Had kfc on Tuesday, it was rank.

rick_dagless wrote:Dinner was sh11te not even going to describe it...

Do we get a Galted lunch review today?

 
I damn well hope so. Although if he's at home for the day he probably won't be buying from some fancy baguette shop with shaggable assistants.

Edit - damn you Galted. Damn your quick keyboards skills, damn your eating at home. Just damn you.

Galted wrote:Afraid not, dagless. Lunch is probably going to be instant soup and bread that is too stale to support mould. Had kfc on Tuesday, it was rank.

Got to say I am a little disappointed Galted, but understandable in the circumstances.

I've been consuming a lot of aniseed imperials lately. They're quite nice.

3.5/5

Is that ok?

Should fend off the review pangs 'till you sort your technology out.

Galted wrote:Afraid not, dagless.  Lunch is probably going to be instant soup and bread that is too stale to support mould.  Had kfc on Tuesday, it was rank.

How instant?

Not this very instant instant, perhaps a later instant.

Excellent prediction by the way, Julius. Very, very excellent.

Surely soup is the most instant of all of the different kinds of soup? Instant soup isn't going to be more instant than actual soup. Perhaps it should be called "less instant than soup, soup"?

superflyweight wrote:Surely soup is the most instant of all of the different kinds of soup?  Instant soup isn't going to be more instant than actual soup.  Perhaps it should be called "less instant than soup, soup"?  

Great point.

Galted wrote:I've been consuming a lot of aniseed imperials lately.  They're quite nice.

3.5/5

Is that ok?

Are they really called aniseed imperials, Galted? Not just aniseed balls?
There are 2 types of aniseed balls - the larger ones that are hard all the way through, with a little flake of aniseed in the middle.
The smaller ones with a hard shell and softer inside.
Which ones have you got?

I've got a pack of Cherry Drops on the go. Also had a Twister ice lolly. They are smaller than I remember?

Someone has given me a big tub of boiled sweets as a thank you, I get the feeling that at least 1in5 are roofied, so I am handing them out, literally like sweets, to see what happens.

That's correct, I have fallen for a marketing ploy. I was going to defend them by saying that there's no claim that it's "instant" soup but I checked the packaging and it does say that. I shall write to Sainsbury's and say "f*ck you".

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:I've been consuming a lot of aniseed imperials lately.  They're quite nice.

3.5/5

Is that ok?

Are they really called aniseed imperials, Galted? Not just aniseed balls?
There are 2 types of aniseed balls - the larger ones that are hard all the way through, with a little flake of aniseed in the middle.
The smaller ones with a hard shell and softer inside.
Which ones have you got?

Not sure, Julius, I'm going by what it says on the packaging. I can finished a tube of them in about half an hour without resorting to chewing if that's any help.

Instant noodles as well. If you get fresh noodles and add them to a stir fry you're looking at less than 60 seconds of cooking. A pot noodle requires the kettle boiling (30-60secs) and I believe at least a 2 minute period where they are left to stand before a thorough stirring (30-60sec). Non-instant noodles are therefore nearly 75% more instant than there instant cousins.

I think we've unearthed something ground breaking here. We could bring the supermarkets down with this.

Broccoli and Stilton instant soup from Sainsbury’s and German-style rye bread from M&S.  And some medium cheddar (Cornish Cove) from M&S as well.  I’ll start by saying how irritated I am by the phrase “instant soup”, surely all soup is instant?  I’ve always maintained that instant soup isn't going to be more instant than actual soup and that, perhaps, it should be called "less instant than soup, soup".  It's the same with instant noodles. If you get fresh noodles and add them to a stir fry you're looking at less than 60 seconds of cooking. A pot noodle requires the kettle boiling (30-60secs) and, I believe, at least a 2 minute period where they are left to stand before a thorough stirring (30-60sec). Non-instant noodles are therefore nearly 75% more instant than their instant cousins.

Taste – not bad, though the bread, being a bit stale, was buggerationallyturdshit.  Wouldn’t have had it but the missus was threatening to make bread pudding 3/5
Price – paid for so long ago I’ve forgotten how much the ingredients cost which means they were practically free 5/5
Health – I’m not bleeding or coughing so it must be ok.  There was broccoli powder in the soup as well  3/5
Onions – f*ck all 5/5

Overall – 4/5

What michaels’s missus would have said: baise ouais, c'était un test approprié.
Not a bad feed, quick and easy to prepare so I had plenty of time to sit at the window and wait for the f*cking cat tree which still hasn’t arrived. I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Greggs ham and cheese baguette.

Awful

0.5/5

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

Says the guy who said he was going to therapy yesterday...

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:I've been consuming a lot of aniseed imperials lately.  They're quite nice.

3.5/5

Is that ok?

Are they really called aniseed imperials, Galted? Not just aniseed balls?
There are 2 types of aniseed balls - the larger ones that are hard all the way through, with a little flake of aniseed in the middle.
The smaller ones with a hard shell and softer inside.
Which ones have you got?

Not sure, Julius, I'm going by what it says on the packaging.  I can finished a tube of them in about half an hour without resorting to chewing if that's any help.

Having done some further research, it transpires that aniseed imperials aren't even ball-shaped. What sort of half-arsed cockamamie sweet are they? Galted, get yourself down to your local corner sweet store and demand a quarter of a pound of aniseed balls. If they aren't the larger, shiny, not-possible-to-chew proper ones tell them to f*ck right off. Should cost about a sixpence.

By the sounds of that I'll have to ask Jeff to get some for me up north if he can scrape together sixpence.

Adam D wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

Says the guy who said he was going to therapy yesterday...

Tonight, 6pm. £45 and I expect I won't even get to see some muff.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Galted wrote:I've been consuming a lot of aniseed imperials lately.  They're quite nice.

3.5/5

Is that ok?

Are they really called aniseed imperials, Galted? Not just aniseed balls?
There are 2 types of aniseed balls - the larger ones that are hard all the way through, with a little flake of aniseed in the middle.
The smaller ones with a hard shell and softer inside.
Which ones have you got?

Not sure, Julius, I'm going by what it says on the packaging.  I can finished a tube of them in about half an hour without resorting to chewing if that's any help.

Having done some further research, it transpires that aniseed imperials aren't even ball-shaped. What sort of half-arsed cockamamie sweet are they? Galted, get yourself down to your local corner sweet store and demand a quarter of a pound of aniseed balls. If they aren't the larger, shiny, not-possible-to-chew proper ones tell them to f*ck right off. Should cost about a sixpence.

Make your mouth go bright red. Used to sell them in our tuck shop at school.

seanmichaels wrote:

Adam D wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

Says the guy who said he was going to therapy yesterday...

Tonight, 6pm. £45 and I expect I won't even get to see some muff.

It's good that your expectations are starting low.

If anyone on this board does not go on the Boxing board, please take a little bit of time to pop over and have a look at the favour for Windy thread on the boxing and see if you can help out the recent widow of one of V2's favourite folk.

Cheers

superflyweight wrote:

It's good that your expectations are starting low.  

Called her last night. She spent a lot of time telling me how she'd make me feel comfortable and relaxed. I was thinking a beer and a handjob?

I suspect that you're going to spend a lot of time talking about the school showers, sean.

seanmichaels wrote:

Adam D wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

Says the guy who said he was going to therapy yesterday...

Tonight, 6pm. £45 and I expect I won't even get to see some muff.

Don't fret, michaels, if movies have taught me anything it's that all therapists are hot and like to suck on their pencils while they stare at your crotch. After a few questions she'll take off her glasses and clothes and bend over the chair after she discovers that it's her that's confused and needs a good seeing to. They work in packs too unless I'm mistaken.

 

This is going to be cracking.

Galted wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Adam D wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote: I would’ve washed it down with a Stella Artois Cidre (pear) but I’ve recently been accused of being an alcoholic due to having one and a half Bulmer’s ciders, all in the same evening.

Get out of there son. It is a slippery slope. She'll have you in therapy before the year's end.

Says the guy who said he was going to therapy yesterday...

Tonight, 6pm. £45 and I expect I won't even get to see some muff.

Don't fret, michaels, if movies have taught me anything it's that all therapists are hot and like to suck on their pencils while they stare at your crotch.  After a few questions she'll take off her glasses and clothes and bend over the chair after she discovers that it's her that's confused and needs a good seeing to.  They work in packs too unless I'm mistaken.

True enough but a lot of time, they've actually identified the problem as soon as you walk into the room (namely, you need to be f*cked good and hard by her and her equally hot female colleagues...repeatedly...n various positions...on numerous occasions) but they maintain a thin veneer of professionalism that's barely held in check.

A tell-tale sign Sean, is the unmistakable aroma of QUIMDRIZZLE

I sense a plethora of male fantasies invading the culture cup.

Based on scientific fact, Jules (a mate of a mate told me he'd heard from another bloke who knew someone it definitely happened to...probably)

JuliusHMarx wrote:I sense a plethora of male fantasies invading the culture cup.

Must be an age thing, but my primary fantasy nowadays involves the house to myself and a test match on Sky.

My primary fantasy for most of the day was that the damn cat tree would arrive, it eventually did at 17.38, about half an hour after I would have got back from work if I'd gone. My primary fantasy now is that the cat wasn't so terrified of it.

Is this the second one, Galted? Let us know if the cat takes to it.

The builder has been bringing his dogs over for the day recently. One's a foxy cross, the other a tan & white border collie named Jack.

Plenty of sticks around here so Jack selects one the size of a tennis racquet handle (at first) and dumps it at your feet. You chuck it... there's a cloud of dust as he fetches it... but along the way back there is a bit of juggling and chewing, etc.

Each time the same stick (it always has to be the same stick) gets significantly smaller so that after about 6 throws he just drops this tiny splinter of wood covered in saliva at your feet then looks up at you with a pleased grin. If you don't pick that up he then grabs it and puts it on your foot... as if to make sure you don't pick up the wrong one.

This goes on all day.

There's lots of eye work on the slobbery splinter of wood. An unbelievable level of concentration is involved.
The other dog Missy, (who has plenty of energy too but in different ways*) occasionally starts whimpering because she feels left out of the game.

* I was sitting on the couch discussing windows with the builder and she comes up and decides to sit on my crotch.
Does she think she owns me? The builder reckons so "she likes you.... and wants you to know she is yours for the taking"

The Loaded Dog wrote:Is this the second one, Galted? Let us know if the cat takes to it.

The builder has been bringing his dogs over for the day recently. One's a foxy cross, the other a tan & white border collie named Jack.

Plenty of sticks around here so Jack selects one the size of a tennis racquet handle (at first) and dumps it at your feet. You chuck it... there's a cloud of dust as he fetches it... but along the way back there is a bit of juggling and chewing, etc.

Each time the same stick (it always has to be the same stick) gets significantly smaller so that after about 6 throws he just drops this tiny splinter of wood covered in saliva at your feet then looks up at you with a pleased grin. If you don't pick that up he then grabs it and puts it on your foot... as if to make sure you don't pick up the wrong one.

This goes on all day.

There's lots of eye work on the slobbery splinter of wood. An unbelievable level of concentration is involved.
The other dog Missy, (who has plenty of energy too but in different ways*) occasionally starts whimpering because she feels left out of the game.

* I was sitting on the couch discussing windows with the builder and she comes up and decides to sit on my crotch.
Does she think she owns me? The builder reckons so "she likes you.... and wants you to know she is yours for the taking"

My brother's dog is similar to Jack except she chases rocks. She just turned 14 so her teeth are pretty much warn away. She understood that "enough" meant that you were sick of her game and she'd leave you alone for a while, unfortunately her old age has caused her to go deaf so, if she selects you, you've got your entire day planned for you.

In all fairness I'd swap a dog fetching a masticated twig and a day in front of the test for anything going on in my life.

Watched some BBC 3 thing on WW1 tonight. Like band of brothers crossed with spooks. Chuffing fabulous it was.

didn't miss your appointment I hope sean.

JuliusHMarx wrote:didn't miss your appointment I hope sean.

Yep. She was on the phone. Wasn't sure I was at right place so left after 20 mins. Reckon she could be a weirdo as when I called later to rearrange she had times available that weren't an option before.

Missus went nuts as she text the wrong shrink who quite rightly had never heard of me, before ringing me accusing me of lying etc etc. mate who I've known since I was 13 who is putting her up chipped in as well. Both look like planks now.

Anyway, Friday, must go put the bins out.

Languid on here today.

Morning all. Brilliant on here today.

How tickled I am to be here. I'm all full of plumptiousness and gertitude! In fact, I'm discomnockerated.

superflyweight wrote:Morning all.  Brilliant on here today.  

How tickled I am to be here.  I'm all full of plumptiousness and gertitude!  In fact, I'm discomnockerated.

You have sore nipples?