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The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

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Post by superflyweight Thu 07 May 2015, 9:15 am

First topic message reminder :

Labour are in where I live. Should probably be the same again but who knows with the amount of numpties in Scotland who have fallen for the line that the SNP is a left-wing progressive party.

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Post by Pal Joey Fri 15 May 2015, 11:13 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
The Loaded Dog wrote:Tino's welcome to stalk me.

Thanks LD.  I've never been to Australia, but when I do, I'll be hiding in your bushes first.

Talking of bushes, I had some more bushes and trees cleared away today whilst I was out at that lecture. They did a great job.
I'll plant some new ones back once the designated landscape areas are ready.

What do you think of my lunch time experience? Would you be game for doing something like that? It was not even on my mind when I walked through the doors. It was almost as good as striking gold.

I reckon if sean was there with me today and saw the opportunity he'd be into the buffet as well.
Same too with you probably, Galted, ricko, Jules (maybe?), Serial, ... but Jeff would no doubt report us to Management.
Also - I was one number off winning a prize. Free round of golf. 72 won... I had 71. 2nd prize was some crummy vest or something... No.90.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 11:18 am

The Loaded Dog wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
The Loaded Dog wrote:Tino's welcome to stalk me.

Thanks LD.  I've never been to Australia, but when I do, I'll be hiding in your bushes first.

Talking of bushes, I had some more bushes and trees cleared away today whilst I was out at that lecture. They did a great job.
I'll plant some new ones back once the designated landscape areas are ready.

What do you think of my lunch time experience? Would you be game for doing something like that? It was not even on my mind when I walked through the doors. It was almost as good as striking gold.

I reckon if sean was there with me today and saw the opportunity he'd be into the buffet as well.
Same too with you probably, Galted, ricko, Jules (maybe?), Serial, ... but Jeff would no doubt report us to Management.
Also - I was one number off winning a prize. Free round of golf. 72 won... I had 71. 2nd prize was some crummy vest or something... No.90.

Yeah, I've stolen a few buffet items in the past, LD. RiCKO and I are from the North-West, we are taught to steal from a very early age.

Jeff would almost certainly report us. He'd have our names to the management before Sean had stuffed his last c*cktail sausage in his mouth.

F*cking jobsworth that he is.

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Post by Pal Joey Fri 15 May 2015, 11:31 am

I better ring the Ukrainian bird before she tees off at me at a later date.
Would you believe she told me it was "a custom in my country for women not to do the ringing"? She is very sexy and tantalising but I told her now that she was an Australian she'll have to learn to communicate a lot better if she wants more of those expensive accessories and that mansion on the Harbour. (my work is really cut out for me, isn't it?)

Funniest thing I heard at the zoo a few weeks ago: "Oh look... the beeers are hiddding... oh, hibbbernation I mean." There was nothing to see, ffs!
(I thought she was referring to Gus Hiddink... but then the delayed translation arrived from my ears to my brain)

Oh look... another f*cking palindrome. I'm just about getting sick of them.
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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 15 May 2015, 1:22 pm

Feck this I am retreating back to the sanctuary of arthropods and sean bumming, it's like the last days of Rome on the other thread...

Tuna and sweetcorn toastie and Seabooks plain crisps, nice...

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 1:26 pm

Jacket potato with spicy chicken tikka, bag of worcester sauce french fries. Lovely stuff

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 15 May 2015, 1:28 pm

Excellent work Jeff, most of the daily dietary needs in there mate...

What does the weekend hold for you?

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 1:33 pm

Not al lot mate, virtually nothing up to press, weather is nice though if it holds might sit outside the boozer Sunday?

What do the delights of Bradford have to offer you for the weekend?

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 15 May 2015, 1:35 pm

Quarter pounder with chips and coleslaw. Bastard has given us a Pepsi instead of a f*cking Coke. C*NT. I shall kill them and burn their shop to the ground on the way home tonight.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 15 May 2015, 1:36 pm

Lot's of chrarity events on around here this weekend for the Bradford burns unit, being the aniversary of the tradegy and all.

So I am being dragged from pillar to post by Mrs Dagless on Sunday with lots of sprogs running around for a good cause.

I am using this as leverage to spend tomorrow in a beer garden...

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 15 May 2015, 1:37 pm

Shah wrote:I shall kill them and burn their shop to the ground on the way home tonight.

Courts will be fine with that as an appropriate response Shah, I dislike Pepsi...

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 1:40 pm

I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow. It's in Essex. I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

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Post by rIck_dAgless Fri 15 May 2015, 1:41 pm

You may get a monkey (albino) to w@nk you off behind the slut enclosure

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 1:42 pm

Either or, RicK.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 1:46 pm

I reckon he will end up w@nking the albino monkey for a packet of nuts.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 1:47 pm

Adam D wrote:I reckon he will end up w@nking the albino monkey for a packet of nuts.

If I ever meet you, Adam. I'm going to hit you. And then I'm going to hit you one more time.

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Post by Union Cane Fri 15 May 2015, 1:48 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

TI Mrs Cane went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.


Last edited by Union Cane on Fri 15 May 2015, 1:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 1:50 pm

Union Cane wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

Mrs Cane* went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.

*TIMC.

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 15 May 2015, 1:52 pm

Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 1:54 pm

Union Cane wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

Mrs Cane went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.

Tino will cheer them up by w@nking them all in turn. Red Hot Chimps are filming it for their grot channel.

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Post by Union Cane Fri 15 May 2015, 1:56 pm

Tino & The Spunky Monkeys, all next week on Red Hot 40+ Chimps.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 1:56 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo. Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo. It's near Southampton. I'm not driving that f*cking far. Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 2:05 pm

The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.


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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 2:20 pm

The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 2:21 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 2:27 pm

in fact one of the last times i spent a day with my ex (the copper top / love of my life) was at marwell. Round about the time she would have been getting boned by the bloke who sat opposite me at work.

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Post by Galted Fri 15 May 2015, 2:29 pm

I've been to London zoo. It's sh1t.
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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 2:38 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

Do the monkeys give handjobs?

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 2:39 pm

The Oranga-putangs do

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 2:40 pm

Adam D wrote:The Oranga-putangs do

I refuse to l*l at that.

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 2:42 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Adam D wrote:The Oranga-putangs do

I refuse to l*l at that.

Shouldn't be too difficult.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 2:44 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

Do the monkeys give handjobs?

No but 'Monkey World' is just a bit further west towards Bournemouth. Never been there but simply for the higher concentration of monkeys per visitor I would suggest you'd have a better chance of being w@nked off by one.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 2:46 pm

I think Simian based mutual masturbation is a new high for the culture cup. Bravo people.

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 2:50 pm

I went to twycross zoo some years ago, heck of a lot of monkeys there. I didn't get w@nked off by any, but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 2:52 pm

Just googled it. Ape rescue centre apparently. Definately a better chance of getting w@nked off by an orphan monkey than your average professional entertainer monkey at a zoo. They'd be well vulnerable innit.

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 2:54 pm

Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.


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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 2:58 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.


I have already said it was some years ago. I was younger, slimmer and less grey, it might have been.

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Post by ShahenshahG Fri 15 May 2015, 3:04 pm

Rowley wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.


I have already said it was some years ago. I was younger, slimmer and less grey, it might have been.

It was probably the banana man costume you were wearing

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Post by Mind the windows Tino. Fri 15 May 2015, 3:07 pm

You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when he puts his 2.0 nominations in.

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 3:11 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when puts his 2.0 nominations in.


You should put the next round up now Tina, I know you obviously want to resist doing that as it was Adam's suggestion, but it will cut down on delays.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 3:19 pm

I'm opening the batting tomorrow.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 3:21 pm

Rowley wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when puts his 2.0 nominations in.


You should put the next round up now Tina, I know you obviously want to resist doing that as it was Adam's suggestion, but it will cut down on delays.

You will be publicly displaying your love of Moulin Rouge next.

Do you feel dirty in backing my suggestion? You dirty, filthy northerner.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 15 May 2015, 3:37 pm

Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.


You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

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Post by 1GrumpyGolfer Fri 15 May 2015, 3:42 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

Would respectively suggest you accumulated 116 rather than shot 116. But well done for beating the w@nkers

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 15 May 2015, 3:45 pm

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

Would respectively suggest you accumulated 116 rather than shot 116. But well done for beating the w@nkers

Would proactively suggest you stop talking g*lf sh1te.

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Post by seanmichaels Fri 15 May 2015, 3:47 pm

Is 116 alright? Hit 2 pars. Had a 9 footer for birdie on a par 4.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 3:47 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.


You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

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Post by JuliusHMarx Fri 15 May 2015, 3:51 pm

Adam D wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.


You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

Hey Hey.

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Post by Adam D Fri 15 May 2015, 3:56 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Adam D wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.


You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

Hey Hey.

It doesnt have to be this way.

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Post by Rowley Fri 15 May 2015, 4:52 pm

You'll not find Jules wanting when it comes to 80s pop references.

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Post by Pal Joey Fri 15 May 2015, 10:35 pm

Vapid on here this morning. I think I'm turning Javanese.
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