The Culture Cup Round x - Adam is a naughty naughty boy

First topic message reminder :

Labour are in where I live. Should probably be the same again but who knows with the amount of numpties in Scotland who have fallen for the line that the SNP is a left-wing progressive party.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Tino's welcome to stalk me.

Thanks LD.  I've never been to Australia, but when I do, I'll be hiding in your bushes first.

Talking of bushes, I had some more bushes and trees cleared away today whilst I was out at that lecture. They did a great job.
I'll plant some new ones back once the designated landscape areas are ready.

What do you think of my lunch time experience? Would you be game for doing something like that? It was not even on my mind when I walked through the doors. It was almost as good as striking gold.

I reckon if sean was there with me today and saw the opportunity he'd be into the buffet as well.
Same too with you probably, Galted, ricko, Jules (maybe?), Serial, ... but Jeff would no doubt report us to Management.
Also - I was one number off winning a prize. Free round of golf. 72 won... I had 71. 2nd prize was some crummy vest or something... No.90.

The Loaded Dog wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:Tino's welcome to stalk me.

Thanks LD.  I've never been to Australia, but when I do, I'll be hiding in your bushes first.

Talking of bushes, I had some more bushes and trees cleared away today whilst I was out at that lecture. They did a great job.
I'll plant some new ones back once the designated landscape areas are ready.

What do you think of my lunch time experience? Would you be game for doing something like that? It was not even on my mind when I walked through the doors. It was almost as good as striking gold.

I reckon if sean was there with me today and saw the opportunity he'd be into the buffet as well.
Same too with you probably, Galted, ricko, Jules (maybe?), Serial, ... but Jeff would no doubt report us to Management.
Also - I was one number off winning a prize. Free round of golf. 72 won... I had 71. 2nd prize was some crummy vest or something... No.90.

Yeah, I've stolen a few buffet items in the past, LD. RiCKO and I are from the North-West, we are taught to steal from a very early age.

Jeff would almost certainly report us. He'd have our names to the management before Sean had stuffed his last c*cktail sausage in his mouth.

F*cking jobsworth that he is.

I better ring the Ukrainian bird before she tees off at me at a later date.
Would you believe she told me it was "a custom in my country for women not to do the ringing"? She is very sexy and tantalising but I told her now that she was an Australian she'll have to learn to communicate a lot better if she wants more of those expensive accessories and that mansion on the Harbour. (my work is really cut out for me, isn't it?)

Funniest thing I heard at the zoo a few weeks ago: "Oh look... the beeers are hiddding... oh, hibbbernation I mean." There was nothing to see, ffs!
(I thought she was referring to Gus Hiddink... but then the delayed translation arrived from my ears to my brain)

Oh look... another f*cking palindrome. I'm just about getting sick of them.

Feck this I am retreating back to the sanctuary of arthropods and sean bumming, it's like the last days of Rome on the other thread...

Tuna and sweetcorn toastie and Seabooks plain crisps, nice...

Jacket potato with spicy chicken tikka, bag of worcester sauce french fries. Lovely stuff

Excellent work Jeff, most of the daily dietary needs in there mate...

What does the weekend hold for you?

Not al lot mate, virtually nothing up to press, weather is nice though if it holds might sit outside the boozer Sunday?

What do the delights of Bradford have to offer you for the weekend?

Quarter pounder with chips and coleslaw. Bastard has given us a Pepsi instead of a f*cking Coke. C*NT. I shall kill them and burn their shop to the ground on the way home tonight.

Lot's of chrarity events on around here this weekend for the Bradford burns unit, being the aniversary of the tradegy and all.

So I am being dragged from pillar to post by Mrs Dagless on Sunday with lots of sprogs running around for a good cause.

I am using this as leverage to spend tomorrow in a beer garden...

Shah wrote:I shall kill them and burn their shop to the ground on the way home tonight.

Courts will be fine with that as an appropriate response Shah, I dislike Pepsi...

I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow. It's in Essex. I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

You may get a monkey (albino) to w@nk you off behind the slut enclosure

Either or, RicK.

I reckon he will end up w@nking the albino monkey for a packet of nuts.

Adam D wrote:I reckon he will end up w@nking the albino monkey for a packet of nuts.

If I ever meet you, Adam. I'm going to hit you. And then I'm going to hit you one more time.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

TI Mrs Cane went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.

Union Cane wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

Mrs Cane* went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.

*TIMC.

Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

Union Cane wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:I'm going to Colchester zoo tomorrow.  It's in Essex.  I'm hoping to meet a blonde haired slut (female) who will w*nk me off behind the monkey enclosure.

Mrs Cane went to Colchester zoo a while back, didn't really enjoy it, said the monkeys looked sad.

Marwell zoo is much better.

Tino will cheer them up by w@nking them all in turn. Red Hot Chimps are filming it for their grot channel.

Tino & The Spunky Monkeys, all next week on Red Hot 40+ Chimps.

ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo. Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo. It's near Southampton. I'm not driving that f*cking far. Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.

The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

in fact one of the last times i spent a day with my ex (the copper top / love of my life) was at marwell. Round about the time she would have been getting boned by the bloke who sat opposite me at work.

I've been to London zoo. It's sh1t.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

Do the monkeys give handjobs?

The Oranga-putangs do

Adam D wrote:The Oranga-putangs do

I refuse to l*l at that.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Adam D wrote:The Oranga-putangs do

I refuse to l*l at that.

Shouldn't be too difficult.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

ShahenshahG wrote:Go to whipsnade Tino. Lovely zoo and its got a steam engine that stops at all the main exhibits.

We have done Whipsnade a few times, it is a great zoo.  Never done Colchester though.

Union, I just googled Marwell zoo.  It's near Southampton.  I'm not driving that f*cking far.  Even for a handjob from smiling monkeys.

Near my old house windows. lovely place Marwell. Dad and his missus are members. Always go there on boxing day.

Do the monkeys give handjobs?

No but 'Monkey World' is just a bit further west towards Bournemouth. Never been there but simply for the higher concentration of monkeys per visitor I would suggest you'd have a better chance of being w@nked off by one.

I think Simian based mutual masturbation is a new high for the culture cup. Bravo people.

I went to twycross zoo some years ago, heck of a lot of monkeys there. I didn't get w@nked off by any, but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

Just googled it. Ape rescue centre apparently. Definately a better chance of getting w@nked off by an orphan monkey than your average professional entertainer monkey at a zoo. They'd be well vulnerable innit.

Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.

I have already said it was some years ago. I was younger, slimmer and less grey, it might have been.

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:but one gave me the kind of saucy look that suggested it was definitely on the cards.

No it wasn't, Jeff.

I have already said it was some years ago. I was younger, slimmer and less grey, it might have been.

It was probably the banana man costume you were wearing

You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when he puts his 2.0 nominations in.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when puts his 2.0 nominations in.

You should put the next round up now Tina, I know you obviously want to resist doing that as it was Adam's suggestion, but it will cut down on delays.

I'm opening the batting tomorrow.

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:You've got to love Shah.  

He is nothing but consistent.  He even manages to be offensive via PM when puts his 2.0 nominations in.

You should put the next round up now Tina, I know you obviously want to resist doing that as it was Adam's suggestion, but it will cut down on delays.

You will be publicly displaying your love of Moulin Rouge next.

Do you feel dirty in backing my suggestion? You dirty, filthy northerner.

Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.

You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

seanmichaels wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

Would respectively suggest you accumulated 116 rather than shot 116. But well done for beating the w@nkers

1GrumpyGolfer wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:

The Loaded Dog wrote:

It was a major bonus for me I must say. I was expecting some snooty waitress to ask me for evidence of Membership but they were all too busy carrying drinks to all the pisshead golfers. What a hopeless and pathetic bunch they are! I mean... really. Who do they think they are?

Played golf at a fairly exclusive place last friday. Guy who got me in is an investment banker. Got a few looks whilst striding down the fairway with a can of strongbow on the go. Beat both of them though and hadn't played for 7 years. Shot 116 in the end.

Would respectively suggest you accumulated 116 rather than shot 116. But well done for beating the w@nkers

Would proactively suggest you stop talking g*lf sh1te.

Is 116 alright? Hit 2 pars. Had a 9 footer for birdie on a par 4.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.

You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

Adam D wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.

You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

Hey Hey.

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Adam D wrote:

JuliusHMarx wrote:

Adam D wrote:The lead singer of the Blow Monkeys shares my birthday.

You could just have said Dr Robert. The cultured amongst us would have known who it was.

I sure could have but we were having a chimp love in at the time, so it seemed somewhat appropriate.

Hey Hey.

It doesnt have to be this way.

You'll not find Jules wanting when it comes to 80s pop references.

Vapid on here this morning. I think I'm turning Javanese.