The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:50 pm

superflyweight wrote:It's in Edinburgh and it's called the "Pubic Triangle". Is about 5 minutes from my work and there's always a distressing smell of lube hanging over the area.

That's the one, thanks super.

Is lube really a distressing smell?

by **superflyweight** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:51 pm

P.S. there's another two strip clubs about 100 yards away and a massage parlour sandwiched between them. The massage parlour advertises that it has a gym and shows videos. Quite fancy going in and asking to watch Das Boot and to use their rowing machine.

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:54 pm

Galted wrote:
I went to a strip club in Shoreditch a few years back. It was one of those ones where the lady walked around with a pint glass before her dance and you had to chuck in 50p. I only had a one pound coin so I asked her for change (maybe it was £1 a dance and I only had a £2 coin) but she told me to f*ck off. One of my mates knocked his beer over and we immediatly had a plague of apes in suits surrounding the table wanting to chuck us out. Was dying for a p1ss the whole time I was there but was too scared of getting jizz on me in the bogs to go so couldn't really enjoy myself. The strippers were pretty fit, though.

I went to one in Stoke many years ago. My abiding memory is that one ladies nether region smelt like tobacco.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:54 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Maybe in comparison to Rotherham, jeff, but I live in Edinburgh. Leeds looks like dog sh*t on a stick in comparison.

I watched a programme about Edinburgh t'other night, super. It was called Strippers and was about strippers.

There were 3 lap dancing clubs all on this junction within about 20 yards of each other. The locals had given it a snazzy name like 'fanny junction' or something similar.

Do you know where I mean?

I went to a strip club in Shoreditch a few years back. It was one of those ones where the lady walked around with a pint glass before her dance and you had to chuck in 50p. I only had a one pound coin so I asked her for change (maybe it was £1 a dance and I only had a £2 coin) but she told me to f*ck off. One of my mates knocked his beer over and we immediatly had a plague of apes in suits surrounding the table wanting to chuck us out. Was dying for a p1ss the whole time I was there but was too scared of getting jizz on me in the bogs to go so couldn't really enjoy myself. The strippers were pretty fit, though.

There's one in Aldershite like that. Bird gave me grief for paying my 50p in 10's. Wouldn't mind but I was playing pool at the time. Some old trout did dip her fruit pastille in my mates pint which made it better value.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:58 pm

http://www.jenackscanvas.com/fannyflaps.html

by **superflyweight** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 12:58 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Maybe in comparison to Rotherham, jeff, but I live in Edinburgh. Leeds looks like dog sh*t on a stick in comparison.

I watched a programme about Edinburgh t'other night, super. It was called Strippers and was about strippers.

There were 3 lap dancing clubs all on this junction within about 20 yards of each other. The locals had given it a snazzy name like 'fanny junction' or something similar.

Do you know where I mean?

I went to a strip club in Shoreditch a few years back. It was one of those ones where the lady walked around with a pint glass before her dance and you had to chuck in 50p. I only had a one pound coin so I asked her for change (maybe it was £1 a dance and I only had a £2 coin) but she told me to f*ck off. One of my mates knocked his beer over and we immediatly had a plague of apes in suits surrounding the table wanting to chuck us out. Was dying for a p1ss the whole time I was there but was too scared of getting jizz on me in the bogs to go so couldn't really enjoy myself. The strippers were pretty fit, though.

There's one in Aldershite like that. Bird gave me grief for paying my 50p in 10's. Wouldn't mind but I was playing pool at the time. Some old trout did dip her fruit pastille in my mates pint which made it better value.

I prefer wine gums.

by **rIck_dAgless** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:00 pm

Aternoon all, Flaptastic on here today

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:06 pm

superflyweight wrote:
I prefer wine gums.

I once did a manager in my last job. Hers were like to blackcurrant fruit pastilles on top of each other. She became known as Rowntrees after that.

by **JuliusHMarx** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:09 pm

Went to one in Tokyo - not Asian girls though. It cost a bloody fortune to get in (£100s), but the sales guy I was with said he'd put it all down on expenses 'cos the receipts were all in Japanese so no-one would know what it was for.
I remember the evening more for his lack of ethics than any particular enjoyment of the entertainment on show.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:11 pm

I don't see the point of them to be honest. I'd prefer to buy reasonably priced drinks and try my arm with the local bikes.

by TopHat24/7 Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:11 pm

Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Maybe in comparison to Rotherham, jeff, but I live in Edinburgh. Leeds looks like dog sh*t on a stick in comparison.

I watched a programme about Edinburgh t'other night, super. It was called Strippers and was about strippers.

There were 3 lap dancing clubs all on this junction within about 20 yards of each other. The locals had given it a snazzy name like 'fanny junction' or something similar.

Do you know where I mean?

I went to a strip club in Shoreditch a few years back. It was one of those ones where the lady walked around with a pint glass before her dance and you had to chuck in 50p. I only had a one pound coin so I asked her for change (maybe it was £1 a dance and I only had a £2 coin) but she told me to f*ck off. One of my mates knocked his beer over and we immediatly had a plague of apes in suits surrounding the table wanting to chuck us out. Was dying for a p1ss the whole time I was there but was too scared of getting jizz on me in the bogs to go so couldn't really enjoy myself. The strippers were pretty fit, though.

Believe that's the Griffin.....

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:14 pm

TopHat24/7 wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
superflyweight wrote:Maybe in comparison to Rotherham, jeff, but I live in Edinburgh. Leeds looks like dog sh*t on a stick in comparison.

I watched a programme about Edinburgh t'other night, super. It was called Strippers and was about strippers.

There were 3 lap dancing clubs all on this junction within about 20 yards of each other. The locals had given it a snazzy name like 'fanny junction' or something similar.

Do you know where I mean?

I went to a strip club in Shoreditch a few years back. It was one of those ones where the lady walked around with a pint glass before her dance and you had to chuck in 50p. I only had a one pound coin so I asked her for change (maybe it was £1 a dance and I only had a £2 coin) but she told me to f*ck off. One of my mates knocked his beer over and we immediatly had a plague of apes in suits surrounding the table wanting to chuck us out. Was dying for a p1ss the whole time I was there but was too scared of getting jizz on me in the bogs to go so couldn't really enjoy myself. The strippers were pretty fit, though.

Believe that's the Griffin.....

Cheers, TopHat. You've dramatically increased the chances of me finding my way back there (with a bag of low denomination coins).

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:18 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Went to one in Tokyo - not Asian girls though. It cost a bloody fortune to get in (£100s), but the sales guy I was with said he'd put it all down on expenses 'cos the receipts were all in Japanese so no-one would know what it was for.
I remember the evening more for his lack of ethics than any particular enjoyment of the entertainment on show.

There is one on Yonge Street in Toronto that used to come up as 'The Beer Tavern' on receipts. Came in handy once or twice.

What was more weird was that anyone can just wander in and sit in the bar area. Some old perverts were walking in, buying half a pint and nursing it for 5 hours whilst watching the girls on the stage. There are obviously private booths that they can't go in, but you didn't have to pay to go in the main bar.

by Rowley Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:23 pm

Getting close to thread splitting time, really hope this one is allowed to split organically rather than Adam ruining things. Hope Galted gets the OP this time around. His EMO poetry and general unhappiness suggests he could do with the boost.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:33 pm

cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:40 pm

Galted wrote:cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

Call me on 07380087355 - for the samaritans helpline. Press 1 if you wear black, 2 if you wear black and cut yourself and if you wear black, cut yourself and are miserable at all times then Frak off and die nobody likes a sourpuss.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:44 pm

ShahenshahG wrote:
Galted wrote:cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

Call me on 07380087355 - for the samaritans helpline. Press 1 if you wear black, 2 if you wear black and cut yourself and if you wear black, cut yourself and are miserable at all times then Frak off and die nobody likes a sourpuss.

What number do I press if I'm miserable but I wear grey and navy blue because my mum won't let me wear black?

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:46 pm

Galted wrote:
ShahenshahG wrote:
Galted wrote:cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

Call me on 07380087355 - for the samaritans helpline. Press 1 if you wear black, 2 if you wear black and cut yourself and if you wear black, cut yourself and are miserable at all times then Frak off and die nobody likes a sourpuss.

What number do I press if I'm miserable but I wear grey and navy blue because my mum won't let me wear black?

Then you hold the line (around your neck) and jump out the window for being such a sissy.

by **JuliusHMarx** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:49 pm

Is there a number for people who wear green shirts? 1-800-NO-TASTE?

by Mind the windows Tino. Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:50 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Is there a number for people who wear green shirts? 1-800-NO-TASTE?

1-800-F*CK-YOU-JULIUS

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:51 pm

Cheers, Shah, we need more people like you giving up their time for the Samaritans. Luton is a sh1thole though if mobile phone technology hasn't made it there.

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:51 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Is there a number for people who wear green shirts? 1-800-NO-TASTE?

1800 - Popeye ate the spinach, you fool - Your son still rules the house

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:52 pm

Galted wrote:cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

I thought EMO's were natural. Always envisaged the women having massive bushes down below.

True story - a friend of a friend of my missus went to get her bikini line done at this oriental place. Shortlty before the finish she was asked if she wanted the starfish done. She agreed and rolled over whereupon this oriental women went mental screaming at her to get out. Apparently this girl hadn't wiped properly and had mutliple dingleberries / skidmarks all down her crack.

by **ShahenshahG** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:53 pm

Galted wrote:Cheers, Shah, we need more people like you giving up their time for the Samaritans. Luton is a sh1thole though if mobile phone technology hasn't made it there.

Actually I thought it amusing to allow you a pyrrhic victory at surviving a hanging then falling to your death.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 1:57 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:cheers, Jeff

HOPELESSNESS PART III

in the cold bath
wrists bleeding
watching the claret spots
clouding and staining
rubbed Veet onto my balls
so bleeding there as well
no-one ever loved me
even the pedos told me to sod off when I was small
tonight's the night
I slice my wrists
(lengthways cos I'm not a fat attention-seeking girl)
my balls are f*cking stinging though

I thought EMO's were natural. Always envisaged the women having massive bushes down below.

True story - a friend of a friend of my missus went to get her bikini line done at this oriental place. Shortlty before the finish she was asked if she wanted the starfish done. She agreed and rolled over whereupon this oriental women went mental screaming at her to get out. Apparently this girl hadn't wiped properly and had mutliple dingleberries / skidmarks all down her crack.

So not only does Wrap-It-Up look sheeet but now I'm not a very good emo? F*ck you, michaels, f*ck you a bloody huge amount, And your bird table.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:01 pm

Galted wrote:
So not only does Wrap-It-Up look sheeet but now I'm not a very good emo? F*ck you, michaels, f*ck you a bloody huge amount, And your bird table.

I'm going to sow some tomatoes tonight. To make it up to you I will name the anaemic seedling plants Galted in honour of your misery.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:05 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:
So not only does Wrap-It-Up look sheeet but now I'm not a very good emo? F*ck you, michaels, f*ck you a bloody huge amount, And your bird table.

I'm going to sow some tomatoes tonight. To make it up to you I will name the anaemic seedling plants Galted in honour of your misery.

Cheers, michaels, there's no point being miserable if you don't have any tomato seedlings named after you.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:08 pm

How annoying would it be if the birds use your bird-table to watch where you're planting the tomatoes?

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:11 pm

Galted wrote:How annoying would it be if the birds use your bird-table to watch where you're planting the tomatoes?

Not as annoying as seeing them sat in the tree at the bottom of the garden then f**king off for a snack at next door's fancy new feeder station.

by **Galted** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:25 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:How annoying would it be if the birds use your bird-table to watch where you're planting the tomatoes?

Not as annoying as seeing them sat in the tree at the bottom of the garden then f**king off for a snack at next door's fancy new feeder station.

Sneak into the neighbour's garden at night and poison the bird seed or smear something sticky on the feeder so the cats can get them. Will work especially well if they've been boasting to their kids about how happy the little birds will be. Apologies if I've suggested this before but it's hard to keep track of all the bird feeder advice I've given.

by **JuliusHMarx** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:33 pm

There's probably a forum somewhere where little bird equivalents of Galted write posts about the quality of food they've had for lunch from various feeders.

by **seanmichaels** Mon 10 Mar 2014, 2:35 pm

Galted wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:
Galted wrote:How annoying would it be if the birds use your bird-table to watch where you're planting the tomatoes?

Not as annoying as seeing them sat in the tree at the bottom of the garden then f**king off for a snack at next door's fancy new feeder station.

Sneak into the neighbour's garden at night and poison the bird seed or smear something sticky on the feeder so the cats can get them. Will work especially well if they've been boasting to their kids about how happy the little birds will be. Apologies if I've suggested this before but it's hard to keep track of all the bird feeder advice I've given.

Neighbours kids are at Uni and she's moved her stacked female lover in. Wouldn't mess with her, shoulders like Rhino.

by **Galted** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 7:14 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:There's probably a forum somewhere where little bird equivalents of Galted write posts about the quality of food they've had for lunch from various feeders.

Mmmmm, bird seed again. 5/5

by **Galted** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 7:15 am

PS - rubbish on here today.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 8:32 am

Deserted on here today.

by Rowley Tue 11 Mar 2014, 8:45 am

Fear not, I am here.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 8:48 am

must admit I have been remiss in my culture duties of late, gosh darn work folk making me work at work!

Swear to god if they didn't pay me I would not turn up.

What has been occuring?

by Rowley Tue 11 Mar 2014, 8:55 am

Usual Rick, Galted is dangerously depressed, but broke in some new laces this weekend which appears to have cheered him up, Tina is still trying to convince us insects are interesting and Sean is angry that the birds in his garden seem completely ambivalent about his bird table. We did have a brief conversation about films the other day which was on the cusp of being about culture, however we managed to nip it in the bud before it got out of hand.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:00 am

Excellent new Jeff, thanks for the update, I am glad Galted has found some suitable laces, is was an obvious source of consternation.

As for seans birds I fear this may get out of hand and involve some kind of basement dungeon and bull dykes in the future.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:02 am

Also I see we are approaching the ever exciting time of thread split again!

Is Adam going to ruin it this time, or is Emo poetry going to head it up?

The anticipation is killing me (or at least self harming me in a bath)

by **Galted** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:04 am

Thanks for the concern, chaps. I'm pleased to report that the laces are still unbroken on day 5.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:04 am

Great news indeed Galted!

The sun is shining and the laces are stable, good Tuesday so far!

by **Galted** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:07 am

rick_dagless wrote:Great news indeed Galted!

The sun is shining and the laces are stable, good Tuesday so far!

Has been excellent, I beat one of the traders to the last cubicle a while ago. Hope he crapped himself at his desk.

by **rIck_dAgless** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:08 am

Galted wrote:I beat one of the traders to the last cubicle a while ago

Hope you left it in a suitable state and took an appropriate amount of time.

You will have to make a note if you are synchronised, so you can repeat the trick daily...

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:12 am

rick_dagless wrote:must admit I have been remiss in my culture duties of late, gosh darn work folk making me work at work!

Swear to god if they didn't pay me I would not turn up.

What has been occuring?

The usual rick. People talk about Galted, Tino and sean and it's as thought the rest of us don't exist.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:16 am

I had a half decent night's kip for the first time in 2 weeks. I believe I may be actually able to function at work today.

For the Francophiles amongst us

Spoiler:

by **seanmichaels** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:17 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:must admit I have been remiss in my culture duties of late, gosh darn work folk making me work at work!

Swear to god if they didn't pay me I would not turn up.

What has been occuring?

The usual rick. People talk about Galted, Tino and sean and it's as thought the rest of us don't exist.

Why am I the only one not capitalised?

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:18 am

seanmichaels wrote:I had a half decent night's kip for the first time in 2 weeks. I believe I may be actually able to function at work today.

Good news. I'd like a Coke with my Big Mac meal please.

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:19 am

seanmichaels wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
rick_dagless wrote:must admit I have been remiss in my culture duties of late, gosh darn work folk making me work at work!

Swear to god if they didn't pay me I would not turn up.

What has been occuring?

The usual rick. People talk about Galted, Tino and sean and it's as thought the rest of us don't exist.

Why am I the only one not capitalised?

You tell me - you chose the name.

by **seanmichaels** Tue 11 Mar 2014, 9:24 am

JuliusHMarx wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:I had a half decent night's kip for the first time in 2 weeks. I believe I may be actually able to function at work today.

Good news. I'd like a Coke with my Big Mac meal please.

You're too old for MacDonald's. Not good for the Diabetes.

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