The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

by **JuliusHMarx** Tue 10 Jun 2014, 2:14 pm

First topic message reminder :

Fist

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 1:07 pm

If you haven't got a tampon, Twix fits.....

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 1:14 pm

I feel compelled to post in order to prevent sean's embarrassment at otherwise killing off the thread twice in one day.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 1:15 pm

Aw c'mon! That was a blinder?

by Rowley Wed 25 Jun 2014, 1:17 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:I feel compelled to post in order to prevent sean's embarrassment at otherwise killing off the thread twice in one day.

Good of you Julius, to be honest I was on the cusp of banning myself on the back of that one.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 1:43 pm

Getting the full compliment of nobheadish comments in the office today:-

'Computer says no'
'Bonafide-y'
'Touch base'
'Naaaaat'
'Can do attitude'

by **superflyweight** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:03 pm

I feel betrayed by Raf. He told us he was off whoring it around the Indian Ocean. Instead, he's over on the boxing boards using the word "thrice".

by **superflyweight** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:04 pm

Maybe he got chucked off his boat for having highlights in his hair?

by Rowley Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:15 pm

seanmichaels wrote:Getting the full compliment of nobheadish comments in the office today:-

'Computer says no'
'Bonafide-y'
'Touch base'
'Naaaaat'
'Can do attitude'

I once worked with a bloke who genuinely used the term "It is today's major hot potato" Would not have minded but we were working at Morrisons. (before some smart arse says it he was not in the canteen, and thus talking literally)

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:20 pm

Rowley wrote:
seanmichaels wrote:Getting the full compliment of nobheadish comments in the office today:-

'Computer says no'
'Bonafide-y'
'Touch base'
'Naaaaat'
'Can do attitude'

I once worked with a bloke who genuinely used the term "It is today's major hot potato" Would not have minded but we were working at Morrisons. (before some smart arse says it he was not in the canteen, and thus talking literally)

Was he in the canteen?

by **88Chris05** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:23 pm

Good ol' workplace management jargon. What is it in Shaun of the Dead? "Remember everyone, there's no 'i' in team. But there is an 'i' in pie. So there's an 'i' in meat pie, and meat is an anagram of team, or something or other."

When you coming back to the boxing board, Rowley? Place is dead at the moment. Jabby in particular is keen to converse with you again!

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:27 pm

Give Jeff a break. He's currently trying to introduce the Twix to Yorkshire.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:31 pm

If he wants a break, he should have a Kit-Kat.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:31 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Alternatively Jeff, check your local shop. I believe they are sold under same name - Twix - throughout the country.

For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I was also going to take a selfie wearing some of TSMR underwear and leave it on his pillow.

Back lawn is now mowed (mine, not Jeff's). Productive day so far.

by Rowley Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:36 pm

I don't have a lawn Tina, I have a yard, a fact that should dispell a good number of the Yorkshire stereotypes.

Chris, did try and dip my toes in yesterday, but in the complete absence of anything new to say about Mayweather I find it difficult to contribute.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:38 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Alternatively Jeff, check your local shop. I believe they are sold under same name - Twix - throughout the country.

For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I was also going to take a selfie wearing some of TSMR underwear and leave it on his pillow.

Back lawn is now mowed (mine, not Jeff's). Productive day so far.

What kind of mower do you have Tino? I'm guessing one of the Hayter 41 series?

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:42 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I can live without a black pudding and a cloth cap.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:43 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I can live without a black pudding and a cloth cap.

Half a black pudding.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:45 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:Alternatively Jeff, check your local shop. I believe they are sold under same name - Twix - throughout the country.

For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I was also going to take a selfie wearing some of TSMR underwear and leave it on his pillow.

Back lawn is now mowed (mine, not Jeff's). Productive day so far.

What kind of mower do you have Tino? I'm guessing one of the Hayter 41 series?

It's orange.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:45 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:For God's sake Julius. You've ruined it. I was going to obtain his address, go round his house next time he is in Laandon and steal stuff. You could have had half the loot.

I can live without a black pudding and a cloth cap.

Half a black pudding.

I figured Tino would keep the signed Fred Trueman photo and lard, and I'd get the pudding and cap.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:47 pm

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
It's orange.

Surprises me. A B&Q job? Was it an employee benefit?

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:50 pm

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
It's orange.

Surprises me. A B&Q job? Was it an employee benefit?

Nope. It was from Country Homes and Gardens on the A10 near Cambridge. Lovely place.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:53 pm

Tino - every 3 months I get a statement telling me that me B&Q card is 4 pence in credit. Could you have a word with someone? With the money they'd save on paper & envelopes, you could get a 5% pay rise.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:54 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Tino - every 3 months I get a statement telling me that me B&Q card is 4 pence in credit. Could you have a word with someone? With the money they'd save on paper & envelopes, you could get a 5% pay rise.

Why don't you just spend the 4 pence and they might stop.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 2:55 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Tino - every 3 months I get a statement telling me that me B&Q card is 4 pence in credit. Could you have a word with someone? With the money they'd save on paper & envelopes, you could get a 5% pay rise.

In addition tell them they have a great recruitment policy at the Farnborough megastore. A fantastic range of < 25 bleached blonde clunge complimented with a couple of >40's who I'd definitely still do.

by **Pal Joey** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 3:02 pm

Do any of you guys go on the Random Factor Like a Tractor thread anymore?

We need more odd comments there.

The builder has told me to make myself scarce tomorrow. Asbestos removalists are going to be ripping into some old sheds out the back.

So I've decided to visit a lawyer buddy in Newcastle. Can't wait for the drive up the F1. There's always fog around Peat's Ridge. Might stop for a quick five knuckle shuffle just outside of Wyong... or perhaps somewhere near Tuggerah would be more appropriate?

Quick question: is it better to wait for about 6 hours to lay some smelly cable or should I wait for the half hour before the asbestos blokes and builders arrive tomorrow morning?

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 3:08 pm

Not sure. I imagine kingraf would wait 6 hours to lay anything.

by **Pal Joey** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 3:11 pm

Yeah, I think I should sleep on it too. Best toilet management practice rules!

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 5:23 pm

I hope Galted comes on here this evening to tell us about his holiday.

by **superflyweight** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 5:26 pm

I just hope he tries to atone for his gibberish post about eating ice cream "5 teams"! What the f*ck was that all about?

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 5:52 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:Is it safe yet? Has Galted gone to bed?

out loud.

Exceptional, Julius, very extremely exceptional. Probably a good thing that I'm secure enough in my masculine identity to be able to laugh at myself or I'd f*cking stab you.

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 5:59 pm

superflyweight wrote:
Galted wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
JuliusHMarx wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Rowley wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
I'm in Germany you pack of bastards.

Such a shame Tina, I am in that London tomorrow, we could have met up for lunch.

Galted is in Corfu.

Interesting. Galted said he was going on holiday, but didn't say where. Tino knows though, the stalkerish little w*nker.

He did. He said something about pretending to be dead celebrities in Corfu.

Apology accepted, Jules.

I did let on that I was going to Corfu. Then I went to Corfu. Now I'm back from Corfu.

Corfu was the holiday that had everything...
I did a poo at Corfu airport
I went swimming
I had ice-cream five teams (2 x white Magnums, 3 x cones with variations of the following flavours: pistachio, vanilla, banana, strawberry)
I saw a dead cat
I travelled by boat not once, not twice, but THRICE!

Gibberish.

What a dreadful, horrid, callous thing to say, superfly. I clearly meant "times" and not "teams", it was late and I was tired. I'm not proud of my error but there was no need for your reaction, you could have politely drawn my attention to it in the manner Tino does and I'd have gladly corrected it. Instead I get a libellous backlash of vitriol that makes me question whether it's worth it contributing to this thread. It's hurtful enough having to post in solitude without having my posts dissected so heartlessly and displayed as a trophy like a moose's head or a philistine foreskin. Really, really disappointing.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:05 pm

Nice use of the phrase "philistine foreskin".

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:13 pm

Thanks, Julius, I was quite impressed with my use of "moose's head" as well.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:16 pm

I saw a dead cat in Majorca last year Galted. In a hedge. I'd say it had been there for a few months, although I'm no expert in the decomposition rate of felines.

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:28 pm

Hmm, hedges. That's a whole new area of dead cats I'd never considered. The ones I've seen have mainly been in roads and dogs' mouths.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:36 pm

Galted wrote:Hmm, hedges. That's a whole new area of dead cats I'd never considered. The ones I've seen have mainly been in roads and dogs' mouths.

And Tesco ready meals.

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:43 pm

Was pretty heartbroken to discover that their horse lasagne had cat in it. The hamster-flavoured Doritos also taste a bit cattish. Wouldn't be surprised if there's cat in their Wolverine Bakes.

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:56 pm

And on their web-site you can actually buy cat flaps.

by Rowley Wed 25 Jun 2014, 6:56 pm

When I drop TSMR at work in the morning there is a dead fox in he middle of the road. Has been there around four days. Am reasonably confident being run over by traffic has an impact on the rate of decomposition. However like Jules I am no expert.

by **Galted** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 7:03 pm

The only dead fox I've ever seen was in Apsley Way, northwest London. Probably quite irrelevant but it is a good name for a road.

by kingraf Wed 25 Jun 2014, 7:22 pm

superflyweight wrote:I feel betrayed by Raf. He told us he was off whoring it around the Indian Ocean. Instead, he's over on the boxing boards using the word "thrice".

I'm still in the Indian Ocean, Mauritius at the moment, and off to Reunion in two days. Been scarce this week, but I couldn't resist a nibble at Truss backing Frazier to beat someone in two.

Anyway, was great touching base. Mauritius isn't really a great place after dark, especially the Hindi majority... Thats why Im posting at eight pm when i should be passed out somewhere. Didn't realise the place was so religious. Great pity - Spent the entire morning tanning at the beach, and there were plenty maidens whose inner sanctums I'd like to have entered...

I didn't though (on the off chance my beautiful girlfriend is reading)....

by **JuliusHMarx** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 7:24 pm

How are the hair highlights working kr - been buggered by any strapping young hunks yet?

by kingraf Wed 25 Jun 2014, 7:45 pm

JuliusHMarx wrote:How are the hair highlights working kr - been buggered by any strapping young hunks yet?

Highlights are looking fantastic - Combined with the tan, I look quite the catch... No lads have fallen victim, but the guy next door to me on the ship kept calling me over to watch some show on "The Consciousness Project", and "The Real-life Men in Black", or "The Truth About Roswell"... Honestly, 150 beautiful people on a ship, an absolute Adonis in me, and you spend the entire time enlightening them on conspiracy theories.

That said, I am now convinced that Aliens from an unpronounceable planet killed JFK.

by **seanmichaels** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 10:23 pm

Alright Galted? Smash up some kebab in Greece?

by **Pal Joey** Wed 25 Jun 2014, 10:23 pm

It wouldn't surprise me if you were right again as usual, Blondie.

Have a great time cruising and enjoy that feeling of sand between the toes - but not in those other sensitive parts - which tend to cause painful abrasion wounds.

by Mind the windows Tino. Wed 25 Jun 2014, 10:31 pm

There is a man playing for Ecuador with a condom on his head.

by kingraf Wed 25 Jun 2014, 11:08 pm

Linebreaker wrote:It wouldn't surprise me if you were right again as usual, Blondie.

Have a great time cruising and enjoy that feeling of sand between the toes - but not in those other sensitive parts - which tend to cause painful abrasion wounds.

Thanks LB - Some serious scenery on display, and Reunion is apparently even better. Good advice re: sand, I'll keep it in mind.

To answer Michaels earlier question, not Neymar, or Deidre Hall - Think Marcelo, the footballer but with frosted tips. Didn't dye the beard - barely have any facial hair, just a small splattering splattering of sideburns. And I suspect the lady would decide that's the last straw. Already hates my Pacman arcade game, can't stand my golf tees, doesn't like the PlayStation4, and I suspect hates the fact that I get my teeth cleaned... I do fear that I'm treading awfully close to the point of no return. I suspect the fact that I'm going to be golden brown when I return will push her further... Women, for whatever reason do get worried when they realise that I'm the pretty one in the relationship...

edit - she is really gorgeous.

by **seanmichaels** Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:33 am

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:There is a man playing for Ecuador with a condom on his head.

Thought he looked like one of those french sausages that comes wrapped in web-ish fabric.

The bit in the top right http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-34720993/stock-photo-sliced-french-sausage.html

by **seanmichaels** Thu 26 Jun 2014, 8:36 am

seanmichaels wrote:
Mind the windows Tino. wrote:There is a man playing for Ecuador with a condom on his head.

Thought he looked like one of those french sausages that comes wrapped in web-ish fabric.

The bit in the top right http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-34720993/stock-photo-sliced-french-sausage.html

by Rowley Thu 26 Jun 2014, 9:12 am

Jesus Sean, at least have the good grace to wait until lunch before you kill the thread.

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