The Culture Cup Round 6 - new but not really improved

First topic message reminder :

Sh1t on here today.

seanmichaels wrote:

Galted wrote:Might be him becoming infuriated with michaels for passing out face down on his sofa then.

Bit sore this morning. Fell out of the neighbours tree that is blocking our late evening sunshine. I blame it on the 6th can of Zwyeic.

Zywiec is evil, I've only ever used it after a session to put me to sleep. Doubt I'd be able to climb a tree if I'd had a couple of them.

Can imagine elderly neighbours having an evening stroll and not batting an eyelid when michaels landed next to them.

Yeah, was showing the missus how beautiful the can was (designer ring pull and embossed sides) when she noticed the 5.6% price tag. Not happy.

seanmichaels wrote:Yeah, was showing the missus how beautiful the can was (designer ring pull and embossed sides) when she noticed the 5.6% price tag. Not happy.

That's inflation for you.

Galted wrote:Can imagine elderly neighbours having an evening stroll and not batting an eyelid when michaels landed next to them.

"I see michaels is out of his tree again" Yawn.

The lesbian neighbours might have seen me. Our 94 year old neighbour on the other side wouldn't have otherwise she'd have been out fussing over me. Despite us regularly cooking for her and getting her shopping she still asked me if I needed anything whilst I was on my own.

seanmichaels wrote: she still asked me if I needed anything whilst I was on my own.

Hand job?

seanmichaels wrote:The lesbian neighbours might have seen me. Our 94 year old neighbour on the other side wouldn't have otherwise she'd have been out fussing over me. Despite us regularly cooking for her and getting her shopping she still asked me if I needed anything whilst I was on my own.

She sounds very nice. Can you get her phone number for me?

And therein lays the difference between the erudite, charming and kindly old Julius and me.

She is lovely. Had a bad winter (her sister and friends died) but she seems to be picking up. Mother in law wants her to cop it so she can buy her house.

seanmichaels wrote:She is lovely. Had a bad winter (her sister and friends died) but she seems to be picking up. Mother in law wants her to cop it so she can buy her house.

You'd have your mother in law as a neighbour. That would be a disaster for you.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:She is lovely. Had a bad winter (her sister and friends died) but she seems to be picking up. Mother in law wants her to cop it so she can buy her house.

You'd have your mother in law as a neighbour.  That would be a disaster for you.

I know. The pair of them are like f-ing sniffer dogs together. Lazy as sin as well. Whole family will be on the doorstep soon. Missus's sister lives just down the road which is ok as she is with one of my best mates. Her cousin is moving a couple of roads across as we speak - again ok as she looks like the bird who was nobbing the leprechaun in Game of Thrones.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

seanmichaels wrote:She is lovely. Had a bad winter (her sister and friends died) but she seems to be picking up. Mother in law wants her to cop it so she can buy her house.

You'd have your mother in law as a neighbour.  That would be a disaster for you.

TSMR's parents live about quarter of a mile from us. Is about perfect, close enough to see often, go out for a pint with, and generally be near us, but just far enough not to be on the doorstep every day.

I live 200 miles from my parents and 4000 miles from the in laws.

Can be a pain the arse when we need babysitters but apart from that, it's perfect.

Especially the distance between us and the in laws.

I'll babysit for you for the price of petrol and a crate to keep me going.

Can you guarantee you'll be sober enough to watch them responsibly?

Also, I'm assuming you're going to drink the crate of beer, rather than take it home? So you'll need to stay over?

That's fine, so long as you don't;

a) Try to get in bed with me and/or Mrs Windows
b) Try to get in bed with any of the kids
c) Do a Spud and sh*t in a duvet
d) Invite Galted round to go through my underwear draw whilst I'm out

If the above is acceptable, then we have a deal.

How desperate do you have to be to consider having Michaels as a babysitter?

It's getting to that point, Jeff.

I've realised that all my friends are on 606v2 and I don't actually have any in real life. I could do with a few nights out to cut loose.

Would you object to me meeting up with your dad, Tina?  He sounds like a top gadge.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
d) Invite Galted round to go through my underwear draw whilst I'm out

 

Well give my f*cking underpants back and I'll stop going through your underwear drawer.

A*sehole.

I have one friend in real life, he is desperately unreliable and even more slothful than myself, but beggars really cannot be choosers. If you want to drop the little nippers off in Rotherham (except the violent one) I am more than happy to look after them.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:It's getting to that point, Jeff.  

I've realised that all my friends are on 606v2 and I don't actually have any in real life.  I could do with a few nights out to cut loose.

Cut loose, footloose, kick off your Sunday shoes.
Brilliant, thanks Tino.

Thanks Jeff. Kind offer but if I'm coming that far north, I may as well drop them at the grandparents. I just have visions of coming to pick them up and finding you all in the bath together talking about Vietnamese boxing champions in the pre-WWII years.

Superfly: yes, you can meet my arl man. He can bore you silly about Celtic, rather than me.

Galted: But they are so soft and fitting. Love you.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:It's getting to that point, Jeff.  

I've realised that all my friends are on 606v2 and I don't actually have any in real life.  I could do with a few nights out to cut loose.

Who?

superflyweight wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:It's getting to that point, Jeff.  

I've realised that all my friends are on 606v2 and I don't actually have any in real life.  I could do with a few nights out to cut loose.

Who?

Waingro, Az, Truss and Strongback are all my pals.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted: But they are so soft and fitting.  Love you.  

I love you too, Tino but I need them back. I really really need them back.

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted: But they are so soft and fitting.  Love you.  

I love you too, Tino but I need them back.  I really really need them back.

I will post them on. You'll have to excuse the winnets I've left in them.

Even a hot wash wouldn't get them out.

That shouldn't be a problem as I'm not going to wear them in the conventional manner, I shall put them on my head. I'm going out robbing with TDMR tonight.

Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

Took my Fiesta for a servicing this morning, the combination of my Engine being a rather expensive modified 2.0l, and me being mechanically 're.tarded means I'm afraid the bastards will take my parts and I'll never notice... I love my Fiesta... more than I love life itself. Getting rather teary eyed at the thought of it coming back an inferior machine.

Took my Fiesta for a servicing this morning, the combination of my Engine being a rather expensive modified 2.0l, and me being mechanically 're.tarded means I'm afraid the bastards will take my parts and I'll never notice... I love my Fiesta... more than I love life itself. Getting rather teary eyed at the thought of it coming back an inferior machine.

Waitrose Gluten Free Chicken Roll - Superb given I had no idea of the gluten free nature. Can highly recommend it for lefties, lesbians and fat women.

Waitrose cocktail sausages (10) - Again excellent with the added bonus that it restored a bit of manliness to my lunch hour. Could have done with an HP sauce dip as they were a bit dry.

San Pellelgrino Fizzy Water - Refreshing on a day like today when it is a bit moist in the office.

Bit of a benders meal and I'd expect the bell end in the office who wears a skin tight suit with massive ipod earphones would occasionally have similar. Nevertheless the post lunch fatigue is yet to set in so the health benefits are clear.

kingraf wrote:Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

I can send you a link claiming Elvis is still alive if you want, does not make it so.

Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory. He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Galted wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:
Galted: But they are so soft and fitting.  Love you.  

I love you too, Tino but I need them back.  I really really need them back.

I will post them on.  You'll have to excuse the winnets I've left in them.

Even a hot wash wouldn't get them out.

The implication there is that you've not even tried. Or do you mean "Even a hot wash couldn't get them out."?

kingraf wrote:Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

Was the author's name ONETWOFOREVER?

kingraf wrote:Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

Because during WW2 the Africans read stuff on the internet?

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

Did you buy a Beetle?

Anyone ever found an insect in their car?

JuliusHMarx wrote:

kingraf wrote:Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

Because during WW2 the Africans read stuff on the internet?

More because Hitler didn't invade Africa, and outside of Ethiopian Jews, no one really cares about race cleansing, in fact as the civil wars in Central Africa prove, most are probably pro-cleansing.

Rowley wrote:

kingraf wrote:Just read a link claiming Eisenhower authorised the assassination of Congo's first president. This is exactly why Hitler had African support.

I can send you a link claiming Elvis is still alive if you want, does not make it so.

I'll call your bluff

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

What did you get? I only want to the know the make as I hate cars as much as anyone.

I have been very circumspect about mentioning arthropods recently. Say what you like about me, but I am good at judging the mood of the Culture Cup. I can tell there is little appetite for insect talk (Linebreaker notwithstanding) so I have refrained from it.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

What did you get?  I only want to the know the make as I hate cars as much as anyone.

I have been very circumspect about mentioning arthropods recently.  Say what you like about me, but I am good at judging the mood of the Culture Cup.  I can tell there is little appetite for insect talk (Linebreaker notwithstanding) so I have refrained from it.

I'm always up for some arthropod chat. Just because they crunch exquisitely under my Hitecs doesn't mean that I don't like them.

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

What did you get?  I only want to the know the make as I hate cars as much as anyone.

 
Most people would hate cars if they drove around in that monstrousity. I reckon Jeff is a Honda Civic man.

*Would be a Honda Civic man if he lived in a flat area thus unable to use his bath tub.

Tino, you've inspired me to get my magnifying glass out. It's a sunny day.

seanmichaels wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:

Rowley wrote:

Mind the windows Tino. wrote:Jeff took his horse and cart in for servicing the other day.

They managed to fix the wooden wheels but the horse was knackered and had to be sent to the glue factory.  He is currently getting around after welding some metal tubes to the bottom of his tin bath.

We purchased a new car the other month, did consider sharing it with the culture cup, but was fearful of the page turning into a dreadful discussion about cars. That is possibly the only subject that could make me nostalgic for discussions about insects.

What did you get?  I only want to the know the make as I hate cars as much as anyone.

Most people would hate cars if they drove around in that monstrousity. I reckon Jeff is a Honda Civic man.

I have the Chrysler to take the brood around in.  Limited choice of vehicle to ferry that many kids around.

I do have my own car that I use when I don't have all of them with me.

I reckon Jeff is a Kia Ceed Corsa guy.

It was a Corsa (still is for that matter). Couldn't leave you on tenterhooks much longer.

I also recently purchased a Vauxhall.

It's a black one.

Considered a Kia Picanto, but the memories are still too raw.

Julius/Galted, you can be a right pair of w*nkers sometimes.